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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 22:52

So your DH pays £125 a month and your complaining that he pays for extras like a coat?

What the dickens? I've gone out for meals more expensive than that?! So what if she's richer than Richard Branson your DH should pay for his kid?

gaahhnonicknamesleft · 07/03/2015 22:52

Or 1,500 per month?

Lamourestbleu · 07/03/2015 22:53

Did you not know this when you married him?

I chose not to marry a man with children for two reasons: 1) His ex was a nutter and I didn't want to deal with her; 2) If we had children of our own, yes they/we would suffer financially. I honestly looked at the situ and what I wanted and decided that That wasn't it (even though he did turn out to be a total arse, but that is beside the point).

I sympathize, but not to be rude, you could (should) have seen it coming.

Pasithea · 07/03/2015 22:53

One thousand five hundred a year out of a 70 k. Salary. You're laughing love

Original poster

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:53

Yh, it was a mistake £1500 a month not a year.

OP posts:

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 22:54

Oooo I apologise 1,500 a month... H

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 22:54

We, we, we. HE has a child by his ex.

Does your ex grouse about what he pays to support the twins he had with you? Does his new wife complain about how her children are losing out due to his children?

LuluJakey1 · 07/03/2015 22:55

You said £1,500 a year which is nothing.

Original poster

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:55

I'm sorry I made a mistake why am I getting flamed for it

OP posts:

PtolemysNeedle · 07/03/2015 22:55

The amount of maintenance your DH is paying really isn't that much, so it's right that he also contributes half towards some of his sons direct costs.

It's also right that if your DH is taking his children on holiday that he doesn't exclude any of them. Would you really think it would be ok for him to go abroad with someone else's children but not his own?

Your children may be missing out on things because they are one of four in their main home, they won't be missing out because your husband had a child already when you chose to have more.

turquoiseamethyst · 07/03/2015 22:56

£70,000 p/a translates approximately to £4,000 a month.

After tax, pension contributions, NI that is.

It is more than he "needs" to contribute but this reflects well on him rather than otherwise.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 22:56

Same here Lamoure.

LineRunner · 07/03/2015 22:56

It was, unfortunately, a rather pivotal mistake - which I did immediately try to correct for you tbf.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 22:56

Your two eldest aren't his children. You chose to form a relationship with him and have further children knowing what his responsibilities were. Even after the payment of maintenance you still have a pretty good income.

ghostyslovesheep · 07/03/2015 22:56

so £52,000 left to live on

do YOU work OP

because it's his job to support his kids and yours to support the ones you had prior to meeting him (and their fathers obviously)

why have 2 kids with him if it's such an issue

LuluJakey1 · 07/03/2015 22:57

Oh right. xpost. I think that is fair enough really.

If he is with you, you should be buying him things but on the whole she should be using the £1500 a mnth to provide for him.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2015 22:57

Bet he's supporting all five children.

mommy2ash · 07/03/2015 22:58

how much maintenance do you get from your ex to offset the amount of money your husband pays for your twins living arrangements?

it is a lot of money but if your stepson is 15 it will only be for a few more years. your husband couldn't now dramatically reduce the number without a huge fallout.

Original poster

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:58

The £1500 a month is affordable to us and imo a fair amount. The problem is the additionals she tries to get us to pay. These are in my opinion an attempt to make us suffer financially by ex.

I would like to further add that none of this is dss fault.

OP posts:

sliceofsoup · 07/03/2015 22:58

I so terribly don't want to bite....but I must.

His ex's income is entirely irrelevant.

PtolemysNeedle · 07/03/2015 22:59

Ok, so your DH is paying a decent amount of maintenance, but so he should. I don't see how you can blame the ex, you chose to have children to someone that already had children.

You aren't thinking that your older children are making your younger ones miss out, so why are you thinking of it because of your SS?

Pasithea · 07/03/2015 22:59

How much maintenance do you get for your two from their dad.

Chillyegg · 07/03/2015 22:59

I don't understand your DH pays maintenance and provides for basic necessities ie a coat.
What's the problem? It's his job he's his dad.
I'm confused, what would you like to be resolved from the situation?

Original poster

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:59

I can't work due to an injury in my knee I will hopefully be able to get a job in 6 months.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 07/03/2015 23:00

Who pays for these"additionals" for your 15 year olds?

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