Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

[WomenVsBarbie]

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

You chose to marry and have further children with this man. I presume he was paying maintenance before you decided to expand your family? You have also chosen not to seek to make your eldest 2 children’s father support them financially in any way. You may have your reasons for not trying to force him to support his children, but it’s still a choice and those pesky things always come with consequences- in this case because you aren’t currently able to work it means your DP is the sole provider for all 5 children, including his 2 step-children. This means your family have less disposable income than you might have if your eldest children’s father supported them financially (even if only minimal). That is nothing to do with your DSS and your husband’s ex-partner.

You could look at it that your DH is solely supporting 2 children which are not his, thus depriving his 3 other children of the money he could be spending on them? I don’t mean that this would be right or fair to your eldest DC- but it is similar in principle to what you resent.

£1,500 a year is not a great deal to pay in child maintenance, it's only £125 a month (I do realise there are people who receive next to nothing and would be over the moon to get £125 a month).

It's quite usual for the maintenance paying parent to cough up for extras regardless of how well off the other parent is.

I imagine your husband's ex feels he should not get away with anything and insists he meets his obligations.

If the boy is 15, the time when maintenance is no longer paid is on the horizon, though that is really up to your husband.

You didn't have to get involved with a man who has a child.

@WomenVsBarbie

Attention mistake we pay £1500 a month not a year

Oh blimey, just saw this. That is an awful lot of money!

How was that figure agreed?

Lol everyone ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!

I don't see the problem. Just stop buying extras and say that's what the £1500 is for. Sorted.

Given the DSS in question is now 21, I would imagine he goes on his own holidays!

Relax

Wow another thread op is getting a bashing they have 1800 a month left for food for 6/7 ppl, gas electricity all other bills, won't leave much left for the other 4 children at home when they will also need clothes and uniforms the maintenance payment more then cover costs to look after 1 child and the other 4 are defo missing out you should not be paying allowances or extras unless gifts type thing but not every month

Haha missed the zombie bit

What happens if you say no?

So if money is so tight re extras what made you think having 2 more dc would help? Teens are expensive! I would expect a df earning 70k take home salary that means he’s on £110000 per year ish so I’d expect him to pay a significant amount towards his child. He is paying more than the child maintenance calculator though so would be reasonable for him to say shoes etc need to come out of the child maintenance, or reduce maintenance to cm calculator amount and give dc the extra as pocket money for clothes etc. But what does your Dh think? It’s his dc so his choice.

Argh zombie

@TigerMum8 why are you so obsessed with a 6 year old thread you utter weirdo

Ignore the perfect people on here, OP.

£1,5000 a month is more than a enough contribution to one child, especially when the resident parent is wealthy.

The school cost, extras, the gift every month need to stop.

You dont have a step children or ex problem, it's a DP problem. He is allowing this to continue.

He needs to 1)tell his ex that he will pay £1,500 and any gifts or extras are to becoming out of the maintenance.
If the ex, stops access to DSS, due to this, your DP should take her to mediation or court.

You are paying way too much! My ex-h is on similar salary and pays me less than half of that for 2 DCs ( I’m not complaining, just explaining how I know).
We calculated using gov.uk child maintenance calculator... seems fairest way all round and when he got a recent pay rise he told me and adjusted accordingly. Google it, very easy to use. Good luck!

@WomenVsBarbie

I can't work due to an injury in my knee I will hopefully be able to get a job in 6 months.

How do you support your children then?

Why does the same poster resurrect a zombie thread on the same date every year?!

Surely the person you should be cross with are the parents of your twins, neither of whom are contributing to their financial upkeep?

@Returnoftheowl

Why does the same poster resurrect a zombie thread on the same date every year?!

This!

You both made the decision to have 2 more DCs knowing the financial situation. That's your choice, but you shouldn't now complain about the ex getting support for your DSS. Also, this money is for him, not the ex.

🤪

Hopefully after 6 YEARS PEOPLE this has been sorted!!!

Why dont @MNHQ shut threads down after a year? It would stop weirdos resurrecting them, and then other twits posting their views of the OP on them

If you can’t manage on 70k a year it sounds as if you have a problem with your ability to manage money. I presume you get maintenance for your twins.
Your stepson has the right to decent standard of living as well, I think your husband is doing the right thing by his child.

Ahh but husband has to pay for his step children togo on holiday or do you pay for your 2 15year olds🤔

Your post is a bit tone deaf imo. There are plenty of families currently struggling on far less than what you have after your husband pays child maintenance and your mortgage.

Our household income is less than your left overs, and that's before we pay our mortgage, never mind anything else.