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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:
Likemotherlikefather · 08/03/2015 21:52

iced Sadly their parents can't be bothered about cm. They are going to without somethings.

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 08/03/2015 21:52

This thread has sickened me. So much hatred, spite and bitterness directed towards the op. I'm guessing a lot of the particularly vile posters are ex wives. Total lack of sympathy for op's health issues, the fact she was abused, and total refusal to recognise that perhaps op's dh considers her children as his, too? OP ignore, they truly are a nest of bitter, nasty hate filled vipers. YANBU to feel pissed off- your dh is paying out far too much and his ex sounds awful.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 21:53

What father something picked up by dog owners

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 21:53

OP, you sound incredibly bitter.

It is not a positive, or very attractive trait. And it is not something you can blame on your husbands ex.

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 21:54

No Ptelomy, I'm just inferring from the OP that if she lives in her parents 11 bedroom house and they have loads of other properties, that she could get hold of a spare £350 somehow.

MythicalKings · 08/03/2015 21:54

Well said, cannot.

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2015 21:54

You're starting to sound nasty and spiteful about her now.

Look at it another way. She was with her husband who had a good job and she was a SAHM (I assume since you say she's just a socialite) then her marriage ended and as she has no job she had to move in with her parents and fully fund herself and her son on £1500 per month, which is actually an average salary.

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 21:57

OP I don't want to open a can of worms cuz I'm on your side here, but were you his OW?

icedgem30 · 08/03/2015 21:57

I wasn't suggesting for a second that he is a good father, but that it is completely your right to have financial support and you should have made every effort to make sure your twins got the support they deserve, and you. It isnt fair that you have the full financial burden, especially when extra money would clearly be useful.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 21:57

Inferring like that is highly unlikely to enable you to make an accurate judgement. You really don't know that this woman is loaded, or how easily she could get £350.

Either way, she shouldn't need to get £350, because the OP and her husband shouldn't have convinced themselves that they could book a holiday when they didn't have enough money to pay for it themselves.

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 21:59

Fair enough Ptomely, but it was for the benefit of DSS. Ex is happy for him to spend more money on expensive treats, why can't the favour be returned?

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 22:01

Like I already said, maybe because of the short notice.

Charley50 · 08/03/2015 22:04

We'll tbh I find it hard to imagine that either the couple or the ex couldn't find an extra £300 on credit cards or overdraft, considering the financial circumstances we have been given.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 22:06

I find that hard to imagine too, which makes me wonder why the OP has so much bitterness directed at the ex over her holiday.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 08/03/2015 22:07

Charley50 I get the impression that the ex was originally asked to pay half the cost for dss then it was said they would pay it back when she refused. I must admit the whole lot seems very confusing and I am not 100% whether dss was included right from the word go or whether they expected the ex to pay right from the word go but if asked in that situation and the way it appears to have come across I suspect I would have said no because I would have had no confidence in the money appearing the following month.

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 22:10

You could split up and get £1500 maintenance too it would it be £3000 as you have 2 with him?

the lad is 15. Surely it's up to him if he wanted to go or not.

He had a holiday and now his siblings and step siblings are missing out because he should go on one with them too?

It's not fair really is it. He had a holiday without his siblings.

icedgem30 · 08/03/2015 22:14

To be fair they never missed out on the holiday because they still went, albeit somewhere cheaper

wannabestressfree · 08/03/2015 22:26

Ok I have just read the whole thread. My opinion for what it's worth is....
You say little about your husband. Can't he just say 'no' to her. Your dss is 15 and attends the same school as the twins. Access won't be stopped.
I would never pay/lend/borrow money from my ex for a holiday. You wanted to go as a family- why should she pay?
You DID have a break- just not to the south of France?
I agree the issue is with your husband not her.
Lastly ignore any rantings related to rooms etc. Be completely disinterested. It's not happening so don't give it another thought.

That's all :)

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 22:28

He had a holiday and now his siblings and step siblings are missing out because he should go on one with them too?

They did not miss out. They all went on a holiday, just one that was £350 cheaper.

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 08/03/2015 22:34

This concept will be hard for some of the very bitter sounding posters to cope with, but some of you need to understand that the op's dh may well consider 'her' twins as just as much his children as his biological three children, and feels the same responsibilities towards them. So he's not doing the op a favour by supporting them.... For him they are his kids too! Some very nasty, narrow views of step families here. Op I am sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of your ex and am happy for you and your boys that you've found a good man. Sadly there are some incredibly spiteful hate filled women on mumsnet as you've learned.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 22:36

Whether the H considers his step children to be as important as his own children isn't really relevant.

What difference does it make how well we understand that? It makes no difference to the obligation he has to his non resident child.

WayfaringStranger · 08/03/2015 22:38

Yes, it does sound like the DH has accepted financial and parental responsibility for all 5 children but the OP hasn't!

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 22:45

No not the other women

I'm sorry if I come across as nasty but this women has trashed me on Facebook 2 weeks ago called my children ugly on Facebook all because of the sleeping arrangements that effect her so much. So Yh I will come across as nasty but I can tell you it is justified.

OP posts:
Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 22:46

Oh and dh does consider my children his

OP posts:
Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 22:49

And yes I have considered financial responsibility for dss.

OP posts:
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