Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu To think that dss and dh's ex cause my children to lose out.

560 replies

WomenVsBarbie · 07/03/2015 22:30

I have two dc (15) from a previous relationship with a man who left me 6 months pregnant with twins. I have two dc (8 and 7) with my current partner. I also have a stepson aged 15.

OP posts:
ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 08/03/2015 22:52

Don't check her FB. You need to detach from this. It's not good for anyone involved.

FuckItBucket · 08/03/2015 22:53

There were probably people telling mum to stop letting dad raise us as we weren't biologically his too.

Telling her to track down waste of space sperm donor to save dad money as we weren't his.

To him we were and he wanted to provide for us like he did with my siblings who were biologically his.

No shame in it. Infact it made him the better man and the reason he has the title dad and now grandad and no one else.

I'm a stepchild and I've been pushed out for many reasons but missing a holiday while siblings weren't wasnt when I felt that

CantBeBotheredThinking · 08/03/2015 22:54

How long have they been divorced, has she been single the whole time, have you always had to deal with this animosity or has something recently happened to trigger it?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 22:55

Good post

OP posts:
KatieKaye · 08/03/2015 23:01

Why can't DSS leave things in his room in his dad's house?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 23:01

She's had on off boyfriends and around 11 years they been divorced she has always been passive aggressive and arrogant

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 08/03/2015 23:04

I think there is a lot of conflict in what you say...You say he considers your children his so in his mind he has 5 children. I think you seem to be the one who feels you have 4 not 5...

Yet if he considers all 5 children his how come you paid for your oldest 2.

As for FB.. You will never read anything positive looking up ex's on fb. You need to block her for your own sanity...

No one on here knows the whole story...Obviously there is a another side.

I wonder why you have spent the last 24 hours discussing this on FB. Are you discussing this with DH ?

What are you hoping to get from this thread?

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 23:06

I don't know I just want a normal happy family she's the only one stopping that

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 23:08

She can only stop it if you allow her to.

If you get on with your life, your DH continues to provide for his son and you ignore the ex, you will be fine.

Original poster
WomenVsBarbie · 08/03/2015 23:11

That what we have tried but it doesn't work

OP posts:
CantBeBotheredThinking · 08/03/2015 23:15

If you block her on fb and totally ignore her leaving your dh to deal with her how can it not work?

re the maintenance and extras the only person who can change that is your dh

Starlightbright1 · 08/03/2015 23:17

Well it is hard to comment based on your vagueness about husband. But you need to talk to DH about how you feel, work out what works for your family but that does include DSS whether you like it or not.

If they have been divorced so long you have been together at least 8 years so has this changed?

You also really need to take a very long look at yourself, you do come across in the thread as not seeing DSS as part of your family. This needs to be addressed...

No matter how she behaves..Contact should be between ex and DH , you need to keep out of it.

The financial stuff talk to DH but if it doesn't change that is beacuse your DH likes it that way.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/03/2015 23:25

How can it not work?

She can only have the importance in your life that you and your husband choose to give her. Your step son is 15 now, she can do nothing to stop him seeing his dad if wants to.

Jux · 08/03/2015 23:33

You saved and paid for your twins and yourself to have this holiday. You also paid for one of the children you have with dh. Which means dh paid for himself, one of his children with you, and his son. And despite earning an enormous amount, he couldn't afford it? I really don't understand that, especially as I think you were working at the time?

Jux · 08/03/2015 23:34

Does he have a coke habit, or something?

MistressDeeCee · 09/03/2015 00:14

Leave his ex alone fgs. It doesn't matter what she is or isn't doing. If you dont like the financial arrangements then talk to your DH and stop scapegoating her. Your DSS is part of your family, just accept it. You've too many critical things to say about them. Yes i know some people are saying you've been flamed on this thread but you are an adult, Im sure you can take it. But what about your DSS, I wondere how he feels? the way you go on about him being provided for is horrid. I wonder if your DH will give you short shrift if you want him to cut the money he provides for his son..and then what will you do? Find a way to blame his ex again..? I really hope your DSS doesn't feel excluded in any way, ill-feeling isn't always invisible

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 09/03/2015 06:24

I would leave this thread now op. You cannot win with posts about stepchildren on mumsnet, it really does not matter what you say, people will wilfully misinterpret what you post, they don't want to help you, they are using you as a vehicle through which to vent their own personal issues. Your dh's ex does sound like a nightmare and any reasonable person reading this thread will see that. But I do think your dh needs to be a lot firmer with her and make it clear she must cover everything with her maintenance. Seriously though don't waste any more time on this thread, it does not matter what you say, the hounds have scented blood and nothing constructive or positive is going to result from you posting here. You are a stepmother so as far as many are concerned that means you are instantly in the wrong.

MythicalKings · 09/03/2015 06:25

The ex called OP's children ugly and still people defend her. Only on mumsnet.

So many bitter women.

coolaschmoola · 09/03/2015 06:31

You clearly stated that DSS was NOT included in your holiday until his DM kicked off at his exclusion. That was the point that you included him, and needed to stump up the additional £700.

The reason that you had to ask the ex for half the money (which I don't agree with) is because you hadn't budgeted for him to come because you were excluding him.

Please don't lie OP, there are some of us who remember what you said and we all have the facility to double check.

If you can lie blatantly and do such an about turn on something YOU said it makes me wonder what else may be a crock of shit.

And no I am not a bitter first wife - I'm just someone who can read....

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 09/03/2015 06:41

Didn't the op say that her dss was supposed to be going on holiday with his mother who cancelled at the last minute?

wawabear · 09/03/2015 07:24

Beautiful stealth boasting here "my partner earns £70k after tax but it's not enough and I can't work due to an injury on my knee"...

Cry me a river!

AyeAmarok · 09/03/2015 07:33

No Cannot, that's nor what age said happened.

Coola has just posted what she actually said then changed when nobody agreed with her

PtolemysNeedle · 09/03/2015 07:51

I xpect if OP had posted 'AIBU to be pissed of that my DHs ex is calling my children ugly on Facebook?' Then she woudo have had a very different response.

But she didn't, she saved that until she was pulled up on the bitter and spiteful attitude she was showing. She instead posted 'AIBU to think DSS and DHs Ex cause my children to lose out' and was quite understandably told that she was being unreasonable.

MythicalKings · 09/03/2015 07:56

She isn't being unreasonable, though.

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 09/03/2015 08:07

Mythical - she is being unreasonable to blame the ExW for everything when it's her husband that is the one responsible for making the decision to pay over and above what she has to. Her issue is with her husband. The rest of it is just petty/childish name calling. Which both parties appear to be guilty of.

They all sound like a bit of growing up is in order.