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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend she has upset me?

158 replies

Lucinna · 06/03/2015 22:52

I am probably being silly but I feel like I really need to tackle this with my friend otherwise I will keep thinking about it and will probably end up distancing myself from her as I'm quite upset.

I have known her for about 5 years, and thought that we were very close, good friends. We talk loads and spend a lot of time together; we confide in each other a lot. I have been there for her during various things that she's gone through in the past couple of years, and have done lots of nice things to cheer her up, as well as helped her out a lot with things like picking up her child from school when he's been ill and she's been at work, and having her DC overnight when she's been away overnight with her husband.

Anyway, tonight she has shared on Facebook one of those poem type things about best friends and has labelled it "For all my besties" and has tagged six friends of hers but not me.

I know it's only Facebook but I do feel it actually says quite a lot about how much she values me that she has done this. I have considered her my best friend for several years and I thought that I would at least factor in her group of best/close friends but it seems that I don't :-(

I think I'm going to have to say something to her, because it has really upset me. I'm not usually one for speaking up about things and am quite easy going but I guess as she's a friend I need to at least talk to her about it before I decide whether to carry on being friends with her or not?

OP posts:
InTheWhiteRoom · 07/03/2015 19:36

I do too thechicken

Some absolute vileness on here , hope she's ok

Aeroflotgirl · 07/03/2015 21:24

Tbh it would hurt me it really would. It's not just Facebook, it's a person there putting tgat stuff on. I am not surprised if your reevaluating the friendship, seems like you do a lot for her and are there fore her, dies she do the same for you!

mrsfuzzy · 07/03/2015 22:36

facecrap.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 08/03/2015 08:05

She may have genuinely just forgotten you. I hate those sort of cheesy, sentimental things but maybe that's it.

Laura0806 · 08/03/2015 23:27

I really don't understand why you would put something like that on facebook, it only has the capacity to offend. Im sorry you have been hurt; I would too and unfortunately I too havebeen on the end of simliar things by someone I considered a close friend ( not facebook tho). I think its nice that you are considering talking to her as, its true, she may be bewildered if you just pull away. However,Im not sure what it willl achieve. if she says oh Im sorry I meant to tag you-will you believe her? I think , as others, have said, it would be a shame to loose the friendship over it but maybe just be aware that she may not invest the same amount into the friendship as you and make sure that you are giving to other friendships too.

Morelikeguidelines · 09/03/2015 07:27

Go by how she treats you in rl.

Branleuse · 09/03/2015 07:38

its not "only facebook" its a mwthod of communication, staying in touch with people, modern equivalent to the telephone. Shes making a public declaration of her best friends, which most people dont do. I have a friend who puts these up all the time and its pretty obvious that different people appear at different times and is designed to hurt some as well as fawn over others.
Your feelings on this are valid x

SwashbucklingInBrooklyn · 09/03/2015 09:29

I think it's clear that Facebook means different things to different people - I probably look at it every day, although don't regularly update. I have friends, however, who use it for everything: sharing news, articles, photos, keeping in touch, commenting, discussions etc. So, if it's something that you engage in a lot, then it is a valid thing. Definitely.
And it is real life too - just a different way of doing things to physical engaging.
I can see how this would be hurtful. Funnily enough, a friend of mine (who I have been friends with for 30 years) posted something yesterday which wound me up a bit, so I do understand what the OP is talking about.
My friend decided to give a "shout-out" to all of the women who had every inspired her, as a way of celebrating IWD. So, over a 24 hour period, she routinely updated her status, naming individuals who had inspired her and why.
She did not mention me at all. Not once. And I have been there for her since we were ten years old - through the teenage angst, the boyfriends, the college, the jobs, the marriage, the kids, the miscarriages, the divorce... and still I go and see her regularly, took her flowers on her birthday, send her messages when she's down etc.
So I messaged her in a lighthearted way. And said "wow 49 people you've mentioned. Don't I inspire you at all?" (she knew it wasn't PA - I was talking to her as a friend) and she replied "you know you inspire me. I was just naming people who might not realise. I love you"

I did think my mate was a bit soft for singling people out, but Facebook can be weirdly misinterpreted. It can upset and bring happiness to people in equal measure.
So, I would just let it go. It does matter if it makes you feel a bit shit, but I bet there was no harm intended

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