To tell my friend she has upset me?

[Lucinna]

I am probably being silly but I feel like I really need to tackle this with my friend otherwise I will keep thinking about it and will probably end up distancing myself from her as I'm quite upset.

I have known her for about 5 years, and thought that we were very close, good friends. We talk loads and spend a lot of time together; we confide in each other a lot. I have been there for her during various things that she's gone through in the past couple of years, and have done lots of nice things to cheer her up, as well as helped her out a lot with things like picking up her child from school when he's been ill and she's been at work, and having her DC overnight when she's been away overnight with her husband.

Anyway, tonight she has shared on Facebook one of those poem type things about best friends and has labelled it "For all my besties" and has tagged six friends of hers but not me.

I know it's only Facebook but I do feel it actually says quite a lot about how much she values me that she has done this. I have considered her my best friend for several years and I thought that I would at least factor in her group of best/close friends but it seems that I don't :-(

I think I'm going to have to say something to her, because it has really upset me. I'm not usually one for speaking up about things and am quite easy going but I guess as she's a friend I need to at least talk to her about it before I decide whether to carry on being friends with her or not?

If this is her only 'indiscretion' and she's otherwise a great friend, then you'd be foolish to end a friendship over fb.

People take Facebook far too seriously

And Mumsnet too

I'm over invested because I'm upset that someone who I considered a close friend doesn't view me in the same way? Really?

It's not only face book!, your feelings have been hurt as most people's would be

Really, I am being honest here being left out on Facebook would not feature on my radar, not because I don't use it but because it is not real life.

If she has even really given it as much as a moment's thought I'd be very surprised. She probably wouldn't even know what you are talking about. She was sharing some content, not publishing her list of favourite people. Get it in perspective.

tbh if someone had tagged me like that I would be thinking , my friends mostly go in for that kind of tripe thank god

She was publishing her list of favourite people as she said that they were all her "Besties". She shared the poem for them as presumably it summed up how fantastic they all are to her.

Is it an equal friendship where you both help one another out or are you doing all the giving? If it is then I wouldn't get in a tizzy over it, if you feel you do all the giving and she just takes then maybe it is time to re-evaluate the friendship.

Yes. You are over-invested.

I probably do do more giving if I'm honest.

I thought friendships were about being invested in each other, Comito

She clearly takes fb seriously- Im not on it and cannot imagine taking the time to do that. I guess you won't be the only one pissed off.

Does she do nice things back for you?

I don't see the problem with being a bit high maintenance tbh MaryMillington.

Don't you?

You want her to make amends for something that is in your head (her not valuing you).

Is she nice to you rest of the time?

You're over invested because you want to confront a close friend for not tagging you a "bestie" on Facebook.

And you're not 12.

I just find it hurtful that she clearly doesn't value me as much as I value her. Surely if she did I would be one of the first people she thought of when composing her "Bestie list"?

But no, I won't be confronting her and will instead distance myself from her a little and spend time with other friends. I don't want to inflict myself on her when she clearly can't be arsed with me.

She was publishing her list of favourite people as she said that they were all her "Besties". She shared the poem for them as presumably it summed up how fantastic they all are to her.

No, she just clicked on a few people, people she thought would like the poem. She's forgotten about it. It is irrelevant.

Nose. Face. Just saying.

No, she clearly just didn't tag you in a post. The rest is your insecure crap you're projecting.

I can see why you feel a bit hurt, but i can't see how you can have the conversation without seeming 13.

I'd be inclined to step back just a little and stop giving quite so much unless its reciprocated.

Facebook doesn't have a lot to answer for. The problem is with people who over react to the smallest of things. Would you seriously throw away a friendship because you didn't get tagged in a post? If you don't feel valued then make that judgement based on real life, not a Facebook post.

Well in sorry that you feel upset but i think you are being slightly over sensitive. Its a stupid Facebook post, she probably didn't give it a whole lot of thought, sometimes you think you've tagged people and you actually haven't.

I wouldn't mention it to her

Not sure why she thought I wouldn't like the poem then.

and yes like I said upthread I probably do do more of the giving to the friendship than she does, and she does lean on me a lot.

Maybe she thinks you're too grown up and sensible to enjoy an uploaded facebook poem.

Some people cringe at such things.

And yet despite nearly everyone telling you you're over-reacting, you have decided to distance yourself from a good friend on the basis of a random social media post.

Do you not see how ridiculous and excessive that is?

Do you always presume you know what your friends are thinking, and attributing explanations to their actions based only on your own perception?

Cos thats unfair, unhelpful, and more than a little odd.