Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dp NEVER tips

483 replies

suzzieanneba46 · 05/03/2015 06:13

My dp just refuses ever to tip. This is because he worked in a pizza restaurant when he was a student and never got any of the tips as he worked in the kitchen.

Aibu to think he needs to give this up and just go along with social norms?

OP posts:
SwirlyThingAlert · 05/03/2015 22:15

but when out in a group, used to remove the £ our friends had left on the table, and pocket it!

Oh see, now that's going too far. Even I wouldn't go that far. If people want to throw their own money away, that's up to them. I wouldn't pocket it though, that's not on.

squidgyapple · 05/03/2015 22:15

In a way - fair enough . At least he's got a reason for not tipping. As long as you don't become regulars in any particular restaurants...

RandomNPC · 05/03/2015 22:16

On the very, very odd occasions I don't have any change on me and don't leave a tip, I feel awful and scurry away. I usually plan to have the extra 10% on me.

Southeastdweller · 05/03/2015 22:17

Totally agree Coffee. The prices should go up if they want their staff to get paid more. If I can't afford the prices listed on the menu I don't and won't go to those places.

Those of you who tip, do you really think it all goes to the waiting staff, by the way, in all cases?

SwirlyThingAlert · 05/03/2015 22:18

Ok then swirly. That's certainly logical. Glad you are happy.

With that comment, you blatantly haven't RTFT or you've just conveniently stuck your fingers in your ears and hummed 'la la la not listening' to the other side of the argument.
Otherwise you'd know what I was referring to.

Only1scoop · 05/03/2015 22:19

I prefer to leave a cash tip directly with the staff who have served our food and helped us. I think that way it's more likely to go to them than leaving on debit card etc.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/03/2015 22:23

I've read the updates to this thread now and think that the idea of banning automatic tipping and optional service charges is a very, very good idea.

I think this because:

  1. If a service charge is required - for whatever reason - the restaurant should add it, upfront, and that's it. You meet the criteria, you have to pay it.
  1. If a service is mediocre it shouldn't be rewarded, it just shouldn't. There are some examples of great service on this thread and those are rewarded. That's what the industry should be striving for. Otherwise, what's the incentive to excel when numbskulls (and I include myself in this), just pay up however bad the service is?
  1. We have minimum wage in the UK. It's upfront, it's not like the USA. The wage is what it is. If you can't manage on that wage then it is something that needs to be dealt with by the industry, not the public who frequent your restaurant. Bosses need to be paying what is fair and right, not expecting to get by paying lower wages to be supplemented. It's only the service industry that does that and it's wrong.
  1. It would stop the braggarts racing to the top of the tipping scale and those at the other end too. It's really, really common and unnecessary to talk about what you pay/don't pay - and it would bring a sharp halt to the judging. Stop being so bloody ostentatious about everything!
CoffeeBeanMonster · 05/03/2015 22:24

Restaurants can charge as much as they like.

I can choose where I go to eat. I pay the bill and I don't leave a tip.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 05/03/2015 22:26

Hold on, someone mentioned "afford even £2". If the bill's £48 and I leave £50, I consider that NOT leaving a tip really, as if I were leaving an intentional tip it would be £7.50-£10 -£2 just means the bill didn't add up to note money, not that I think someone's served well. Leaving the £1 or £2 change from a note doesn't count as tipping, does it?

dexter73 · 05/03/2015 22:29

That was me Decaff. I was assuming that if you were extremely skint then you wouldn't blow £50 on a meal, more like £20, so leaving a £1 to £2 tip would be small but reasonable.

UpMyOwnArseMoneyFlinger · 05/03/2015 22:33

Swirly, I can assure you that Mintyy always reads the full thread. It is one of her rules.

SwirlyThingAlert · 05/03/2015 23:04

Swirly, I can assure you that Mintyy always reads the full thread. It is one of her rules.

Well then if you know her so well and that's what she's indeed done, she must have done the other and stuck her fingers in her ears and just not listened to what everyone else was saying if it didn't agree with her rules. Otherwise it would have registered with her.

Mrsbird311 · 05/03/2015 23:23

Countingthepennies I don't agree with you about not tipping but I compley agree with you about the lack of wages and gratitude carers get, it's one of the toughest jobs going and yet it's treated like the lowliest job anyone can do for minimum money, I think professional carers should be extremely well paid so that the councils and hones can provide the very best, be given adequate training and support and extra paid holiday to recuperate, I believe the saying is you have to care for the carers, thank goodness for people like you you have my utter admiration

SwirlyThingAlert · 05/03/2015 23:30

See, what I'm failing to get here is why people have the utmost sympathy for people like carers for having a crap wage, as they deserve it, but don't tip them any extra money.
They're expected to just suck up the shittiness, even if they do a good and important job on crap pay.
Whereas if you're clearing away someone's tables, that's somehow deemed more socially acceptable to give money to than someone caring for somebody. Therefore, it's OK and allowed. Because society apparently says so.
If you give to one job, why not them all? The same principle applies. Maybe some jobs are more palatable than others and the rest should just be forgotten about and pretend don't exist..

LittleBearPad · 05/03/2015 23:57

There's no reason people can't tip carers.

I always tip unless the service has been dire. Fine if people don't want to stingy gits but there's no need to make a song and dance over the principle of the thing.

SwirlyThingAlert · 06/03/2015 00:01

Why stingy gits in stricken out wording? People are entitled not to tip. Just like you're entitled to throw your money away.
Since when do people tip carers? Caring jobs are notoriously bad for tipping. Is it just you that tips carers? As even in this thread people don't see tipping carers as the norm.

NeedABumChange · 06/03/2015 00:06

Don't tip unless exceptional service. I pay what I am billed. It's ridiculous american thing to automatically give someone extra money for doing the job they are already paid to.

NeedABumChange · 06/03/2015 00:08

Ah.. I did tip my granddad favourite carer one Xmas. Gave him £20, he was a really good guy.

MistressDeeCee · 06/03/2015 02:14

OP why should your DP tip if he doesn't want to? I presume he's ok paying his way when you go out for a meal, also that he's not a tightwad to you in general? & why should he just go along with social norms? On your say so?! "do as I do" really doesn't have to apply, in some circumstances. I mostly don't tip, I will do only if service is brilliant and no way would I want a partner telling me I should tip. I'm an adult, I decide.

Want2bSupermum · 06/03/2015 02:35

We live in the Us and the minimum wage for wait staff is about $2/hr. You can't compare to the UK and it annoys me to see this tipping behavior imported to the UK when I don't think it's necessary. Reading through the posts I can't help but think that there are people on here who are quite smug about their tipping. I don't agree with tipping in the UK. You have a minimum wage which is topped up through social adjustments such as housing benefit etc. if restaurants want to ensure top service they should train their staff and if they want the best they should pay them accordingly and incorporate the cost into the menu prices.

Having lived here in the us for nearly 10 years the service level here is often lower than the UK. It's because very few establishments train their staff here and most often it's someone under the age of 30 who doesn't have a clue.

UpMyOwnArseMoneyFlinger · 06/03/2015 06:42

I did waitressing work 30+ years ago as a student and the vast majority of people left tips then. It is hardly a new concept in this country.

I don't think I have ever eaten anywhere and not left a tip.

Feckeggblue · 06/03/2015 06:52

Swirly no one is saying they absolutely don't tip carers. You're getting too focused on the carers.

Most of us don't have any contact with carers, who generally look after the elderly/ vulnerable. For reasons connected to their need for caring, their customer group frequently doesn't have much money or doesn't have control over it. Also the older generation seem less likely to tip at all.

That's not to say carers are never tipped- as a poster above mentioned I'm sure many of the clients family include them in their Xmas tips etc. Most carers probably aren't supposed to accept them but many will on the QT.

Needalifecoach · 06/03/2015 07:00

If you know someone who doesn't tip on principle, are they generally mean careful with money?

Because the only person I know who won't tip is embarrassingly cheap.

Only1scoop · 06/03/2015 07:30

Went out with our neighbour he didn't tip the lovely staff whom he bothered for extra this ....extra that.

I won't eat out with him again

Only1scoop · 06/03/2015 07:30

And yes he squeaks when he walks