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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think small children shouldn't take up Tube seats?

308 replies

MrsRupertCampbellBlack · 04/03/2015 16:17

genuinely interested as I'm currently six months pregnant with my first child and I know this is going to be me in a couple of years!

But I keep seeing mums at rush hour on really busy Tubes sitting with a small child next to them taking up another seat. Surely the nicer/politer/more sensible thing to do would be for the mum to have the child on her lap and free up a seat for someone else?

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 04/03/2015 22:15

It's a shame that this needs to be discussed at all, and common sense doesn't just apply.

If you can 'condense' in to a smaller space (child on lap, two children in one seat) then you do so. Anyone who is able to stand up for someone less able to stand should do so. People should use their manners as a default, not look around to see if there assess someone else to be more able to move. IF you can move or condense, then just do so.

Electriclaundryland · 04/03/2015 22:25

I'd give up my seat for a child as I think they are less able to stand, balance and reach the handles. I think other able bodied adults should be targeted to give up seats before the children.

mewkins · 04/03/2015 22:35

I never begrudge a child having a seat. There are always always other more able people who could offer their seat first (although often play the 'I will not look up, therefore you do not exist'game).

VenusRising · 04/03/2015 22:37

Expat Flowers

No doubt the op will change her mind when she has her baby. (Good luck btw)
Pregnant women sometimes need seats, and sometimes it's not comfortable to have children on laps.

If you find you need a seat, ask for one! But there's no point complaining that a passenger who has a ticket should get up for you, just because they're a certain age, or gender.

Shil0846 · 04/03/2015 23:17

YANBU.

My DS (2) always goes on my lap if there's a shortage of seats. It seems really entitled to expect to have your lap free when you have chosen to bring the child on public transport at a busy time and everyone else is packed in like sardines.

Sixgeese · 04/03/2015 23:19

During Half Term we travelled after rush hour, I commuted for 20 years as know how packed the tube gets.

The journey to into Town was lovely, we all got seats easily, however, we left to head back just after 3, and it was already hard to get seats on the tube.

We were very grateful to the person who gave up their seat for the two youngest to share a seat, and as people got off we sat children down, most of them couldn't reach the bar to hold on (and you always get the person leaning on the vertical bar, so no one else can hold on too), and it is hard to hold onto more than one child as still hold on yourself - I have been a SAHM for 5 years now and am losing the ability to stand without holding on.

NeedABumChange · 04/03/2015 23:47

YANBU.

I was always taught to stand for adults but these days you'll find children sprawled across two seats each and their parents ignoring everyone else's glares. Children under five can easily sit on laps. Children too big for laps should stand and let people who've been working all day. Healthy children have endless energy, standing will do them no harm. It's so rude of the parents to not give up the seat especially if there are elderly people standing.

mellicauli · 05/03/2015 00:08

Young children are too small to reach the hanging straps , their hands are too small to hold onto the poles comfortably, if they were standard and the tube got packed they risk being not seen and crushed. If they sit on your lap and it gets packed, then they get banged on the head by handbags/mushed in the face by backpacks. But if there is someone in need , of course they should be offered a seat by someone. But usually there is a better candidate than a child to give up their seat. And they are sitting there plugged into their music, pretending not to notice.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/03/2015 00:31

I make mine sit on my lap, or squeezed in with each other into one seat, or the three of us share two seats, or I stand and they sit, depending on circumstances. But I always make DS(10) stand up and offer his seat to an adult - it's a courtesy that I was brought up with

CointreauVersial · 05/03/2015 00:31

My DCs are 15, 13 and 11 and I would always make them stand up if seats were in short supply, so that an adult could sit down. It's to do with "respecting your elders", but unfortunately nobody bothers with that concept nowadays.

If someone is commuting home after a busy day at work, or lugging bags of shopping, then my young, carefree, fit kids can jolly well stand. In fact, they would almost certainly get up without being told.

When they were smaller (too young to stand safely) they would perch on my lap, stand between my knees, or share a seat.

however · 05/03/2015 03:03

My youngest is 7 and he stands for adults. It's a train, not a roller coaster.

HicDraconis · 05/03/2015 04:24

When we were in London, every tube we got on someone offered to stand so that my 2 could sit down. I was very impressed by how polite and lovely the Londoners were!

(I said thank you but no - in most cases we were only going a few stops)

Chips1999 · 05/03/2015 04:34

DS has only just turned 3, I would let him have a seat to save his legs for the many steps up/down as there is hardly any lift access on the tube. If people think that's rude, that's their opinion, but I think a three year old needs a seat more than a healthy adult Confused An older child may be a different story, but even then if they'd been sightseeing I would still want them to have a seat as it's tiring sightseeing in a busy city

perpetua72 · 05/03/2015 04:48

It's "not comfortable" to have a child on your lap? Tough sit. They haven't paid for a seat, they don't get one. Simple. Part of the sacrifice when you choose to breed.

They might "have a tantrum"? Then take them off the tube at the next stop and discipline them rather than subjecting everyone else to it.

Jesus. Entitled parents, much?

No, children don't get a seat on the tube. End of.

pearpotter · 05/03/2015 04:53

Most commuters have been sat down all day at a desk and can stand for a bit. I wouldn't expect older children to jump up for an adult, unless it was someone in obvious greater physical need and I would get up myself first.

Mine went on my knee under 5 where possible, but tbh from 4 they were too tall, heavy and wriggly to make it comfortable for long.

pearpotter · 05/03/2015 05:02

cough

to think small children shouldn't take up Tube seats?
MargoReadbetter · 05/03/2015 06:01

I'd have mine sitting and I would stand. More often than not, they'd just want to be standing and be bounced about.

More annoying when they half sit, half stand, get up, sit down. They're yes safer than standing.

mummytime · 05/03/2015 06:16

I've travelled on the tube for most of my long life - I feel ancient today.

Children have always sat on seats on the tube. It is safer, they are more likely to fall or be squashed in crowds (I have seen a crowd try to squash the two adults protecting a small child's air space before.

Children travel on the tube in rush hour because: they are going to school, have a doctors appointment, are going to the workplace nursery with Mum etc. etc. There are incentives to encourage not travelling in rush hour, which I would think most people try to use for "leisure" trips.
But for example in the evening it is not always desirable to keep a child out another 2 or so hours to avoid rush hour.

My DC when little often shared a seat, when they got a little bigger the smaller one would sit on the bigger one's lap.

merrymouse · 05/03/2015 06:22

I would always sit with a small child on my lap. However, just as now we all wear safety belts, now children are not routinely expected to stand by public transport companies as it is not safe. I would expect my 'adult sized' teenager to stand if appropriate - but just as with an adult it isn't possible to judge why a teenager might have difficulty standing.

If the criteria is that those not paying should stand, presumably that should apply to everybody with a freedom pass - they may not even be accompanied by a paying adult!

Obviously that would be ridiculous as many of them would have difficulty standing, but the same applies to children.

ScaryChicken · 05/03/2015 06:24

Obviously it depends in individual cases but in general I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If the child is small enough to sit on the parents lap and there are other people standing then the child should move over. In most cases it's a minor inconvenience for parent and child in order to be kind to another person, which is a good lesson to teach.

assessment · 05/03/2015 06:27

YANBU

lottieandmias · 05/03/2015 06:28

YABU - their ticket has been paid for then they have as much right to a seat as you.

lottieandmias · 05/03/2015 06:31

Anyone should try to enable someone in greater need to sit down, but that's not age specific. I wonder why some people view children as less important than adults?

ScaryChicken · 05/03/2015 06:31

Also I agree with merrymouse that you can't always tell why/if a child or adult would have difficulty standing (my fit and healthy looking dp has an "invisible" disability and often needs to sit but feels quite awkward asking) so it is best not to get too judgey about it!

BlueEyedPersephone · 05/03/2015 06:49

Surely the pragmatic view, and I do commute regularly, is that if they fit on lap then yes, if not but smaller than 4ft, sit as then cannot safely hold on, over that then if with parent the parent can chose what is safe for them based on their circumstance.
There are far too many rude, selfish adults on the tube who can stand to endanger the safety of a small child- sometimes when it judders I have trouble holding on. On a train humans take precedence over shopping - enough saidConfused