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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think small children shouldn't take up Tube seats?

308 replies

MrsRupertCampbellBlack · 04/03/2015 16:17

genuinely interested as I'm currently six months pregnant with my first child and I know this is going to be me in a couple of years!

But I keep seeing mums at rush hour on really busy Tubes sitting with a small child next to them taking up another seat. Surely the nicer/politer/more sensible thing to do would be for the mum to have the child on her lap and free up a seat for someone else?

OP posts:

PlebsLeague · 08/03/2015 11:49

God yes - I'd carry them or get a cab or decamp to the nearest book shop. I am borderline claustrophobic so that kind of packed tube would tip me over the edge! I actually think most of us agree in what is safe and civilised behavior, I would personally rather see toddlers on laps rather than wobbling about on their own seat, espesh if others are standing.

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 11:54

I wouldn't carry a child 15 miles! You are definitely fitter than me.

I suffer from anxiety myself which is why I don't travel on public transport with the children. I'm fine by myself. I come at this from the angle of being a commuter, rather than being someone who travels with children IYSWIM.

I just can't understand the attitude of those who insist on something which is just so clearly a bad idea, and even moreso is so clearly a bad idea that the average London commuter recognises it as such and fast. What is the thought process there.

Why would you want someone to sit and have a child / children on their lap though if that is not what they want to do (for whatever reason). Don't you just think "well they've obviously got their reasons for doing it that way" and then forget all about it? So you would look at me and think "well she's doing that wrong" and some people will glare at you and stuff - why would you think that? You see this is the sort of thing that makes me not do it.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 12:00

'God yes - I'd carry them or get a cab or decamp to the nearest book shop. I am borderline claustrophobic so that kind of packed tube would tip me over the edge! '

What if your toddler weighs a ton, you don't have money for a cab and you have to get to work? I have PTSD and all kinds of problems relating to it. Sometimes, however, we have to do things we don't like out of necessity.

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 12:14

I think the point is that some people get quite a lot of satisfaction out of seeing others struggling, and thinking smugly "they brought that on themselves" and sitting there watching it.

IME most people are kind though so that's great. Even the ones who don't offer it's almost always because they are in commute-zone and are tuned out to their environment - when people realise they have failed to act when they should've they are apologetic and a bit horrified usually!

PlebsLeague · 08/03/2015 12:19

I realise that expat I am speaking from my person experience, I am not stating that everyone should do as I do. I am however saying that if you have to take a child on a tube as shown in princess post then I would be very surprised if someone doesn't give them a seat (if you manage to position your child where someone seated can see them). If you and your child were already seated on that tube, and an elderly person got on, I would personally get my DD7 to sit on my lap so the elderly person could sit down.

windchime · 08/03/2015 14:03

my child has a ticket that I have paid for

You need to stop buying those tickets right now. Children travel for free on the Tube

UptheChimney · 08/03/2015 17:55

Well speaking from personal experience -- my experience with a visible disability for 18 months (I had only 1 usable arm) and the invisible disability of chronic pain & exhaustion was the reverse. This was on buses in an urban centre (not London) and London Tube. I was never given any consideration, and the women with children were the worst.

Most of the time I had to cling on as best I could with one hand/arm, and very wobbly balance, working long & exhausting hours.

So where does that leave us?

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 18:07

So no-one gave you any consideration.

And you decided to get angry with women with children, rather than men with children, women without children, or men without children.

I see. That sums it up really.

SarfEasticatedMumma · 08/03/2015 18:23

The rush hour London bus is a whole new world of pain though, jolting drivers, being thrown around all over the place and trying to fight past everyone standing by the entrance =Hell on wheels. I can imagine those mothers and children were just trying to hang on for grim death, and trying not to get catapulted into the seat in front.

merrymouse · 08/03/2015 19:36

How were the women with children the worst? Were they the majority?

UptheChimney · 08/03/2015 19:59

And you decided to get angry with women with children, rather than men with children, women without children, or men without children

Um, because the women with children on the bus I took regularly (usually at the end of the rush hour as I really couldn't cope with the rush hour) were taking up the open space at the front of the bus with prams, and using all the easy access seats meant for those with disabilities. And if I asked them to move, they ignored me, laughed at me, or swore at me. That happened several times, until I stopped asking, and just tried to hang on, or stagger to the back of the bus while it was moving.

And if anyone ever offered me a seat, it was a man.

And the school children (able-bodied, very physically active, so no problem about standing clearly) who pushed in front of me regularly to get on the bus.

As I say, you reap what you sow. The school children who pushed in front of me were clearly raised to take up all of their rights, with no responsibilities or thoughts of others. But I guess that's the majority now, sadly.

Those 18 months gave me a bit of an insight into what the permanently mobility impaired have to put it with. It's not pretty.

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 20:52

Right.

You know this thread is about the tube, right?

You don't tend to get behaviour like that on the tube. We are a bit more civilised in this neck of the woods, maybe? Strangely, we are also happy to have children who would have trouble standing safely, sitting. So, you know. Hooray.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/03/2015 20:55

I get ds to sit on my lap or I hold on to him on the train, tube or bus

I see no problem with children standing up to allow adults to sit down unless they need to sit down

SkaterGrrrrl · 08/03/2015 21:09

YABVU.

Good luck with the birth OP. I hope when you are juggling small children on the tube one day, you will think of this thread. Pop back in 3 or 4 years and let us know if your views have changed.

perpetua72 · 08/03/2015 21:32

Jesus wept, if your kids are too little and uncoordinated to handle the tube, then how about you just don't take them on the fucking thing?!?! Really isn't rocket science, is it.

Lweji · 08/03/2015 21:36

Jesus wept, if your kids are too little and uncoordinated to handle the tube, then how about you just don't take them on the fucking thing?!?! Really isn't rocket science, is it.

It's also not rocket science not to be a twat.

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 21:42

Huh?

All the parents in the world are not reading this thread so that comment seems unhelpful.

I guess here we have someone who will seat squarely in their seat while eyeballing a terrified 4yo getting squished in front of them and thinking smugly "Ha! Look at that child it's terrified! Their parent is an idiot!"

ie people who prefer to think everyone else is doing it wrong so they can feel better about not offering their seat to anyone who needs it.

Is my guess.

PilchardPrincess · 08/03/2015 21:44

Like I say, most people on the journeys I make are not selfish idiots though so the sort of things that get said on these threads don't translate into real life.

keepitsimple0 · 08/03/2015 23:49

Jesus wept, if your kids are too little and uncoordinated to handle the tube, then how about you just don't take them on the fucking thing?!?! Really isn't rocket science, is it.

peutetre · 09/03/2015 00:31

Yanbu, unfortunately, as indicated on this post, not everyone has been brought up with this level of consideration for others.

colourfulmummy · 09/03/2015 00:46

In rush hour my 11yr old stands or perches on my knee. I would be embarrassed if he took up seat and made someone else stand when they don't need too.

Lweji · 09/03/2015 04:24

My DS has been brought up to give his seat to those who are more vulnerable than him.
Not fully capable adults who can stand and not be crushed much better than him.

DancingDinosaur · 09/03/2015 07:15

Jesus wept, if your kids are too little and uncoordinated to handle the tube, then how about you just don't take them on the fucking thing?!?! Really isn't rocket science, is it.
My kids are just fine on the tube with a seat.

PilchardPrincess · 09/03/2015 08:21

Why would you rather see a 4yo stand on a crowded tube than an able bodied 20 yo, peutetre? What are the benefits there as you see them, such that they offset the risks and differing levels of discomfort?

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 08:23

I was brought up not to be considerate of cunts.

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