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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Absolutely IRATE At The Lack Of Non-Pink Girls Clothes

223 replies

TooTiredToThinkOfAUsername · 03/03/2015 12:35

Argh!!!!!

I felt fairly annoyed with gender specific clothes for DS. Now I have DD it makes me want to scream. She's not a fucking princess. She's hopefully going to be a strong independent woman.

Any tips for stores selling non pink non crap girls clothes would be MOST welcome :)

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 04/03/2015 13:34

Have thought of another example. DD, then age 2, and I were in a toy shop. She spotted some kids laptops. They came in grey and pink. The assistant handed her a pink one and she refused it: she wanted a grey one like daddy's. Why did it even come in pink?! Grey is universal!

MistressMerryWeather · 04/03/2015 18:32

Auroras dress was red (blue, red, blue).

Cinderellas pink dress got tore to pieces. :o

BeyondRepair · 04/03/2015 18:45

I don't perceive princesses as strong and independent because, historically, they have not been

I cant be bothered to go through history for strong women but two spring to mind elizabeth 1, mary tudor, mary queen of scotts etc.

merdia, frozen, tangled, all strong

Original poster
TooTiredToThinkOfAUsername · 04/03/2015 19:15

Ok... but Elizabeth and Mary Queen of Scots were queens. Yes they were princesses to start with.

So tell me what's so great about being a princess? I really don't see it.

Or maybe you're just enjoying the debate and playing devil's advocate a bit.

Because really what I've said is

  • Argh I'm irate with all the pink clothes

  • ok yes I agree you can get non pink clothes for girls but a lot of the "sets" of clothes include at least one item that contains at least some pink (and sets of sleep suits are what I'd been looking at which prompted my fury)

  • I now understand, thanks to the good people of mumsnet, that pink isn't all that bad and that it would actually be wiser to NOT boycott it

  • I do still associate pink with the princessification of girls and this princessification is not, in my opinion, a good thing.

  • I don't see the role of Princess as strong, independent or aspirational.

Now I am happy to agree that some princesses may indeed be strong independent women but that does not make the ROLE of Princess strong, independent, aspirational or positive.

But if you can give me a sound argument as to why I'm wrong then I'd be very interested to hear it!

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 04/03/2015 19:17

How is wearing pink clothes 'princessification'?

MistressMerryWeather · 04/03/2015 19:41

The expectation that little girls must like pink is a negative one, however I find attitudes like yours also unhelpful and just as bad.

The little girls who love dressing in pink and pretending to be princesses will be just as independent and strong as those who don't as long as they are surrounded with positive, unrestricted attitudes.

Surely you have more faith in the future generations of little girls than to believe that they will grow up actually aspiring to be real princesses?

Original poster
TooTiredToThinkOfAUsername · 04/03/2015 21:38

Are you deliberately misreading my post?

Wearing pink clothes is not in itself princessification. I said the two are associated.

I have said I now realise pink is not all bad and, admittedly not in this post but in previous ones, that wearing pink or playing at being a princess is not mutually exclusive with becoming a strong independent woman.

I have not said nor implied that I think generations of little girls will grow up aspiring to be real princesses.

Have you read Cinderella Ate My Daughter? If so, I'd be really interested to hear what you thought of it.

I have found lots of the responses to this thread to be really helpful. Some have pointed out that there ARE lots of non pink clothes out there. That has certainly calmed me down. Some have explained and discussed how pink is not all that bad and shouldn't be excluded. I really feel that I've come out of this with a new perspective and with revised and refined ideas. Thank you mumsnet!

OP posts:
flowerygirl · 04/03/2015 21:43

I buy most of my daughter's clothes from Next and their current collection has hardly any pink. I'm not sure where you're shopping?

toddlerwrangling · 04/03/2015 21:52

I agree with you OP that the princess as an idea isn't a great feminist one. After all, what's more patriarchal than monarchy? A princess is (default) the daughter of a king, defined by who her father is. (So is a prince, but at least he stands a chance of becoming the king and having all the power - yes, even if he's a younger son, because there's always the potential for succeeding to the throne). Historically princesses were either the king's daughters, ready to be married off like chattel for diplomatic purposes; or they were princesses by marriage (to a prince) - again, defined by being the property of a man. Queens are generally queen consorts, or in other words queens again by marriage to a man. Yes there have been 'proper' queens - not queen consorts - but they are few ane far between precisely because patriarchal laws of succession normally try their utmost to exclude women from the throne wherever possible. (Wasn't the law of succession only changed in this regard - um, about four years ago??!)

So a princess can be the daughter of a queen (eg. Princess Anne);* or a king's daughter who by some chance happens to succeed to the throne (eg. Queen Elizabeth I); but by and large the default state of the princess is a pretty powerless role, defined by men and very definitely (if all's going well with the male line) second class compared to King or Prince. Doesn't sound like a great forward-thinking role for a small girl, from a feminist standpoint. So yes, I completely get where you're coming from.

*For the sake of simplicity I'm ignoring all the odd rules about the daughters of certain kinds of princes also being styled princesses, eg. Beatrice and Eugenie....

toddlerwrangling · 04/03/2015 22:03

...and interestingly, Wikipedia suggests that Princess Anne's and Princess Alexandra's children are untitled because their husbands didn't accept earldoms on marriage. Whereas male-line (but not female-line) grandchildren of a monarch are entitled to be styled as prince or princess (though Prince Edward's children aren't for some exception desired by the current Queen....)

In any case, getting to be a princess is definitely rather intimately connected with patriarchal and aristocratic conventions.

foreverton · 04/03/2015 22:04

I love oilily for special occasions, it's very bright and the more the outfits clash, the better.
My dd, just turned 4 isn't particularly girly and wears tons of navy/red/white as it really suits her. She also loves wearing her older brothers old football kits (he's 8 yrs older than her and I've kept them all ) they're royal blue!
She does have the odd pink thing but it's been because I've liked the item rather than the colour.
There is so much choice available, I've never struggled with this.

millymae · 04/03/2015 22:17

Haven't read the whole thread but as the first page seemed to be full of suggestions of where to buy non pink non crap clothes for girls have a look at the Love It Love It Love It web-site.

It's not a the cheaper end but the clothes are top quality and you definitely won't find a pink princess dress or anything similar.

Original poster
TooTiredToThinkOfAUsername · 05/03/2015 06:06

Thank you toddlerwrangling!!!!! :)

And thank you to other posters for further, really interesting suggestions for where to get great clothes!

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 05/03/2015 07:02

I'm pregnant. Don't know the sex yet.

Have been looking round shops- supermarkets, mother care, John Lewis, mamas and papas, Debenhams, next, tk max, M&s and all I've been able to buy so far is a red Christmassy jumper!

I'm finding that most other things are very gendered. It's not just the pink. So much in the 'girls' section is pale purple/pastels/ frilly/tutus/sparkly/angel/princess stuff. The boys section is dinosaurs/tractors/mummy's little monster rubbish!

The actual clothes are different too. No cardigans for boys. No combats for girls. No dungarees for either.
I just want plain clothes! Eg single primary colour t shirts & trousers. No 'designs', just soft and easy to remove & clean. That's obviously too much to ask of retailers.

And it has changed since I had my first 13 years ago.

DisappointedOne · 05/03/2015 08:54

I bought a load of Next combat type trousers for DD when she was walking, so about 9-10 months. Got them second hand from Ebay.

I have to say it's much easier for girls during potty training. DD has never really been into skirts or dresses - always trousers or leggings - but it was really easy to buy some cheap skirts in the sales to make it easier. That's an option little boys (and their mums) don't have.

rioballinx · 05/03/2015 09:05

I've not found this in general. Primark is all pink or blue, but George at Asda have a great range, as do most big stores- next, m&s, h&m etc. I also get second hand or from the boys section, love her in a pretty top and khakis or dungarees and a hairs and. Almost nothing is pink, though if DD had her way everything would be pink Disney princesses.... Lol!

nappyaddict · 05/03/2015 19:16

Do a google search for unisex childrens clothing. There's quite a lot about online.

Personally I cannot bear bows, ruffles, frills, tassles, lace trim, puffy sleeves, cap sleeves, peplum frills, gathering, tucks, glitter, diamantes, sequins, sparkle, shiny stuff, diamantes, animal print, halter necks, boob tubes, spaghetti straps, crop tops, short shorts, mini skirts, beading, silver embroidery, butterflies, flowers, fairies and princesses, hearts, stars and try to avoid that but on the high street it's pretty much impossible.

Fanfeckintastic · 05/03/2015 19:43

You're the one going by gender, my 3 year old has a wardrobe bursting with all sorts of clothes. Dinosaurs, pirates, bright pink, frilly, Spiderman etc.

When I read these threads I can't help but think people are often actual looking for an issue where there isn't one. In the HIGHLY unlikely event that all the "girls" clothes you're looking at are pink and the personification of "princessification" then purchase "boys" clothes Confused

StillLostAtTheStation · 05/03/2015 20:47

Why did it even come in pink?! Grey is universal!

This is the sort of comment where I just lose any sympathy. Why should a laptop not be pink?

Way back on this thread someone commented on "girl's clothes for an 8 month old" Really, ? I know you get ridiculously expensive and impractical(and very pretty) dresses for that age group but everything else is just "baby clothes" In loads of colours and patterns.

DisappointedOne · 05/03/2015 21:17

Where were the yellow, purple, blue and green laptops? You know, like you see everywhere all the time. Oh, wait............

Sexyhouseslippers · 05/03/2015 22:17

YABU I don't see why you can't dress your daughter in pink, there are also shops which have a great variety of colours.

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/03/2015 23:15

Absolutely agree op!! And it's not just the sea of pink in the girls sections which drives me up the wall, it's all the ruffles and bows they put on stuff!!! Eurk! Next is the worst for it!

My daughter looks lovely in blue but sometimes I really struggle to find things in blue.

Fanfeckintastic · 05/03/2015 23:16

This beautiful, vibrant, happy colour gets way too much stick on here unless it's a little boy wearing it.

*written from my bright pink bedroom with flowers, candles and fairy lights while DD sleeps soundly in her green, monster, shark and dinosaur adorned room!

Just be whoever you want to be and your children will be comfortable to do the same.

DisappointedOne · 06/03/2015 07:49

I didn't say there weren't coloured laptops available, just that you don't see them everywhere. I'd estimate that 90+% are black, grey or silver. I still don't get why a toy laptop couldn't just be grey. Why does there need to be a pink one? (Said as a love of pink.)

Ditto toy tool sets, medical sets, etc.