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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think servants could show more gratitude

128 replies

QueenOfTheAlley · 02/03/2015 14:19

I went to a lot of trouble catching a mouse for them and took it home still alive so that they could play with it before eating it.

Servant1 picked me up to put me outside so I dropped the mouse at Servant2's feet. It ran behind the cooker and she chased me out of the house yelling.

If that's all the thanks I get I don't know why I bother!

OP posts:

LoofahVanDross · 02/03/2015 14:21

- servants don't like gifts. Especially not ones brought indoors and displayed upon carpets.

BuzzardBird · 02/03/2015 14:22

Say what now?

CornChips · 02/03/2015 14:23

You lie in wait at the top of the stairs and when the female servant starts to descend carrying a loaded washing basket you should dart between her feet to make her play.

That's what I do.

BreakingDad77 · 02/03/2015 14:24

Maybe give up as leaving them alive in the conservatory or decapitated on the doorstep still did not seem to win them around.

Allalonenow · 02/03/2015 14:27

SomewhereIBelong · 02/03/2015 14:30

frogs make particularly good gifts if you stretch their intestines out into a lovely pattern on the cream carpet.

they are still not very well appreciated though - even though they do look and smell deeeeeeeeelightful....

Offler · 02/03/2015 14:30

Widdle on their bath mat!!

MagelanicClouds · 02/03/2015 14:40

My servants are awful. They tried to leave me once, kept telling me someone called "granny" would feed me. Pah! I showed them what I thought of that by urinating all over the bigger ones folded up trousers the early in the morning before they got up. And they keep clearing up all the lovely soft fluff I put on the floor.

geekymommy · 02/03/2015 14:46

I once caught a mouse and ate its head (hey, I was hungry), but saved the rest of the mouse for the servants. Did they thank me for this? They did not.

stoopstoconker · 02/03/2015 14:47

My servants need to be woken up regularly during the night otherwise they're not tired enough to sleep all day and they keep disturbing me.

LisaMed · 02/03/2015 14:49

And what is it about servants and doors? There job is to stand holding the door while I decide whether or not to go out or not - no matter what the weather! And as for the whole business of failing to open a door within the house, it's shameful! Just because I have asked the servants to open this particular door fourteen times in the last hour they grumble at request number fifteen.

They don't know how lucky they are!

NotQuiteCockney · 02/03/2015 14:52

You are spoiling your servants. They will never learn to hunt properly if you do it for them. Next time, only wound the present, and bring it in, moderately alive. Your servants will spring into action to catch it!

Tanith · 02/03/2015 14:55

I caught an adder for mine

It was totally unappreciated! I even left her to catch it - I thought she could do with some honing of her hunting skills, and it hissed at me - I suppose she didn't do so badly on that front, but I did at least expect her to share with me in the eating

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 02/03/2015 14:55

Next time, make sure you catch two mice, and kill them in the living room while they have company. You should then eat one and leave all the intestines on the living room carpet. The other you should not eat, but leave it festering under their bed. They won't notice until the house is full of flies, by which time, they will have forgotten about your hunting talents.

SergeantJarhead · 02/03/2015 15:01

Oh I completely understand how you all feel. I spoil my servants rotten, particularly the prettier one I sit on her shoulder and massage her earlobe for her, I even do it if there are guests, I am not ashamed of my affection for her. It's not appreciated at all!

ancientbuchanan · 02/03/2015 15:15

Isn't it ungrateful?

I add decoration to the wooden furniture, at great effort, and help bring out the stuffing of the upholstery to make it softer and they are less than appreciative.

I spend hours giving them a massage with acupuncture that they would have to pay a fortune for and they complain.

I get rid of hairballs in places where either they need to clean completely or where the cleaning has not been up to standard, to point it out.

Very occasionally, not often but when I think the whole house needs going over, I bring a couple of fleas in. They would never do it otherwise. They can't think I want the fleas myself?

And I am always so welcoming of servants who don't yet understand or want their role. I see it as my duty to induct and train them, iron paw in velvet cover.

And I provide eine kleine nachtmusik, sometimes just me, sometimes a duet, occasionally a quartet. Highest standards.

Pah.

farewellfigure · 02/03/2015 15:19

My servants made a new kitchen in the garage, but they haven't finished the floor yet. At the moment it's a lovely absorbent concrete, so I've been marking it with wee and poo to make sure it smells the same as the rest of the lovely cat-wee-and-poo-smelling-house. They really don't appreciate my efforts at all.

Original poster

QueenOfTheAlley · 02/03/2015 15:22

I did bring it in alive cockney.

At least next door seem to care. They left a nice piece of chicken in bin for me.

OP posts:

ragged · 02/03/2015 15:44

I've artistically decorated specially chosen bits of boring beige carpet with my textured fine black fluff. Do they appreciate my fine aesthetic needs and senses? Do they heck.

Flossyfloof · 02/03/2015 15:45

I bellow outside mine's window all night so I can come and keep her company. If she folds and opens the window I sometimes come in and go straight out again. All part of the training, particularly as I gave a cat flap into the kitchen which the other two happily use. Not me - makes life too easy for her. . She lets me in if it is raining then I reward her by organising where she puts her face and hands whilst trying to sleep. I do this by smacking her. I try to prise her eyes open as well so she can enjoy me better.

Flossyfloof · 02/03/2015 15:46

She has spent a fair bit of money today buying Felix Meaty Loaf which I used to enjoy but might go off soon.

QueenFuri · 02/03/2015 15:47

You could try walking all over them 10 times in the night purring loudly or be fussy with your food I pretend I like it until I see she has bought loads then refuse . I find this is suitable punishment for the slave keeping me as a house cat when I want to go out and play with all those birds I see while stalking them from the windowsill.

MadFruCat · 02/03/2015 15:48

Well, I had a shit in their bath today. It's the first time I've ever done it, but I just fancied doing it - you know, 'cos it was there, I mean, why not?!

The female servant didn't seem very impressed. But hey, I could have had a shit on the carpet, the sofa, their bed or even on the kitchen floor where either of them could have trodden in it.

But no, I delicately jumped in their bath and had a shit there where I knew She could clean it up easily. But she was not amused

However, I think I've got away with it. He is out and She cleaned it up - although I'm not sure what that bleach stuff is, it doesn't smell very nice

But I think I've got the measure of Her; She said to me "we're not going to tell MrFru about this, are we?"

MagelanicClouds · 02/03/2015 15:59

Ah, the classic crap in the bath! I've done that, but right now I've taken to crapping all over the lawn and that really bugs the bigger one and he keeps blethering on about the "new turf being ruined". If he's got time to waste on turf maintenance then he's clearly not been rubbing my belly enough.
My bath crap was a classic! I was punnishing them for disappearing for a week so I did it a day after they left and the useless servant who came to replace them didn't notice. Ah the look on their stupid faces when they came home! The smaller one kept going on about how she'd fancied a bath and would now never bath again. Mwha ha ha!
Oh no, the really small one is moving. What's with that thing? It can't get food out of a cupboard or rub my belly? When I smacked it round the face for having the audacity to be looking at me I suddenly found myself in the garden and my special private door mysteriously no longer working. I'm going to go outside and then come back in again for no reason now. Before I go I'll just sharpen my claws on this convenient piece of fabric....

Amy106 · 02/03/2015 16:22

It is SO hard to get good staff these days!

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