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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think servants could show more gratitude

128 replies

QueenOfTheAlley · 02/03/2015 14:19

I went to a lot of trouble catching a mouse for them and took it home still alive so that they could play with it before eating it.

Servant1 picked me up to put me outside so I dropped the mouse at Servant2's feet. It ran behind the cooker and she chased me out of the house yelling.

If that's all the thanks I get I don't know why I bother!

OP posts:
MadFruCat · 02/03/2015 16:57

Oh yes, the doors and windows. They just don't get it, do they?

For starters, they haven't given me my own Personal Door in their back door (fools). So, they have to let me in and out of their front door, back door, and various other windows - depending on where I am at the time. Why aren't they physic? Why don't they know where I am?

She has a window next to her computery thingy downstairs - so I sit on the windowsill outside that, so She has to let me in. But if She isn't there (where else does She go during the day, it's not like She's got anything else to do?) I also like the windowsill outside the downstairs loo. Although I don't appreciate sitting on windowsills for ages just 'cos She's not in.

But .... that's not the point. They should damn well just check every 5 minutes. If I want to come inside at 2am, they should be up and awake to let me in.

Conversely, if I'm inside and want breakfast at 3am and then want to go outside for a wander - why the hell aren't they awake? What do they need to sleep for so long for? Haven't they heard of catnaps? But that doesn't matter now - I either sit on the rug on His side of the bed and scratch it (that wakes them up sharpish) or I just jump on Her side and start licking her arm (that wakes Her up sharpish too).

MadFruCat · 02/03/2015 16:59

Erm, that would be psychic. I'm a cat - I can't spell Grin

middleagedbread · 02/03/2015 17:00

I feel your pain, OP, I tried to bring a mouse in through the bathroom window last night when my servant was in the bath. Said servant leapt out of bath and refused to let me push in [shocked cat emoticon] with my gift. I had to leave it on the window sill before she let me in she needs to be sacked.

NotQuiteCockney · 02/03/2015 17:07

My servants object when I try to leap out the window over their bed, fail (because it is closed - they expect me to notice?) and fall on their heads. When they are (inconsiderately) sleeping.

MagelanicClouds · 02/03/2015 17:56

You should have heard the fuss when i tried to bring a pidgeon in through my personal door. Damn thing wouldn't fit. Was getting it all nice and ready for them on the outside step when the bigger one came and stole it off me. Inconsiderate sod, I WAS going to bring it in to share, there was no need for that.
The smaller one fitted a bell on my collar. She invaded my actual personal space and fitted this stupid noisy thing that means I can't bring in any food to share. Why? I screamed and screamed at her but she wont take it off. Aparently she doesn't like my presents! Well I don't like the way her sheepskin rug smells so I think I'll go and pee on it now.
Why do I have to scream so loud to get fed these days? They wont let me hunt and whose leg to you have to scratch to bits to get a bowl of milk round here?
I'll just go sit on the window sill and make creepy noises at the birds now... except.... I'm..... tired.........

Andrewofgg · 02/03/2015 17:56

The worst is when they get one of those noisy things that goes Woof, woof. What do they see in them.

MagelanicClouds · 02/03/2015 17:59

There's a woofy thing next door. I hate it.
It has slaves too, but they're even more rubbish than mine, it gets dragged around on a bit of string..... string! String! String! I lovelovelove string.....
Sorry.
I like to sit and wash my bum in a provocative fashion while it's being dragged past on it's bit of string. Heheheh...
String! String! I want string!

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 02/03/2015 18:08

YANBU! What is it about the servants and mice? I honestly don't know why I bother.

On the occasions when I don't leave it for them because I fancied a nice tasty snack, I do at least make sure that I always leave a tiny bit (kidneys). But that is apparently 'disgusting' Hmm.

Ungrateful wretches.

Servant 1 was kind enough to leave out the (used) cheese grater for ten minutes while she fed the small noisy one earlier. Obviously I was ridiculously grateful and hopped on the counter as soon as she was gone (didn't want to get in her way, being considerate and all).

When she came back, she screeched at me, put me on the floor and took away the cheese grater!! Why leave it out if she didn't want my help?! Confused

middleagedbread · 02/03/2015 18:15

"On the occasions when I don't leave it for them because I fancied a nice tasty snack, I do at least make sure that I always leave a tiny bit (kidneys). But that is apparently 'disgusting' hmm. "

Yeah Looks, do you create artistic trails of blood and organs in the kitchen? I bet your servant does not appreciate this. Mine doesn't and gets out big yellow rubber gloves to remove my carefully crafted art it sucks being an unappreciated artist.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 02/03/2015 18:18

Oh middle I had never considered the artistic approach! That must be why they don't like it, I suppose a couple of kidneys on new carpet may not be the interior design feature they were looking for. Thanks for the suggestion! Entrail art has to be the way to go!

Hygellig · 02/03/2015 18:20

Honestly, you can't get the staff these days. I sometimes wake my human servants up in the middle of the night as I know they love mice; that's why they want to take them outside all by themselves isn't it?

listsandbudgets · 02/03/2015 18:26

YANBU.

I bought my female servant breakfast in bed. It took me AGES to catch the mouse and it was still on the edge of life - she'd only said the night before she preferred fresh meat. She was still asleep so I put it on her face and pawed at her until she woke up.

She screamed and threw it out the window - I had to retrieve it and bring it back for her.

She wasn't grateful at all Confused

As for the time I bought her a magpie I don't want to even recollect it. She was so displeased and I was only bringing dinner in. I work hard to keep my servants in meat, the least they can do is be grateful. Miaow humph

LaundryFairy · 02/03/2015 18:26

I went to considerable trouble to bring my servant a rat for her birthday. I even killed it for her. She showed no gratitude at all and spent the rest of the day scrubbing the floor and muttering at me. Next year, I'll make sure it's a bird, and a live one - hopefully it will be appreciated.

BalloonSlayer · 02/03/2015 18:42

Your gift was not good enough.

Clearly what they really wanted was a bird.

A largish bird is always best. You need to make sure it is bleeding enough to be colourful but not enough to stop it from flying. It is also helpful if you loosen quite a few feathers.

Your servants will be the most pleased if you manage to whip the bird into a frenzy of extreme fear and panic just before you present it to them. That way they get all the fun of chasing it around the house, which, let's face it, you could have had for yourself but you have selflessly let them have this enjoyment.

If you really want this to be the gift that keeps on giving, make sure it is a mummy bird with some babies in a nest within earshot of the house.

LisaMed · 02/03/2015 19:13

Mine didn't even appreciate it when I got a mouse mail order just in time for one of their parents' partners to visit. They got very funny when I ripped its head off *

  • Servant here, I swear this happened. We were owned by two cats at the time, neither of them went out - ever - and then just as I was trying to do the polite with my dad's girlfriend psychotic cat walked in with a mouse from somewhere and ripped its head off in front of her. She had hysterics. It wasn't a successful visit. We have no idea how psychotic cat got hold of the mouse in the first place unless they had decided our cottage was Dignitas for rodents.
Andrewofgg · 02/03/2015 19:48

Oh LisaMed to have been a fly on the wall . . .

GoofyIsACow · 02/03/2015 19:52

YANBU, i don't like to eat the stomach of mice, i catch and eat three a day sometimes. Of course I only like to eat them on the doorstep so the stomachs are lovingly left on the door mat surrounded by a smear of blood...

Do they thank me...? Do they bollocks...

LisaMed · 02/03/2015 19:53

Andrewofgg I have told the story many times. I have never needed to embellish it. We were watching Cinderella at the time and we paused the film to try and contain the carnage and it froze on a dancing mouse wearing a hat.

The weekend was not a success but my mum bought psychotic cat his own weight in cat treats

NervousOfEastLondon · 02/03/2015 20:00

LaundryFairy, I thought I was the only one clever enough to do birthday presents. I selected an especially choice mouse for Servant Number 1 five days in advance of his birthday and carefully stashed it in a safe place so as not to spoil the surprise and allow maximum ripening. Servant Number 2 had the nerve to complain about the smell, which led to furniture moving by both Servants until my present was found. He never said thank you either. They sent me to jail for Christmas but I wonder if Servant Number 2 would like a bird for her birthday?

taxi4ballet · 02/03/2015 20:02

Servants - Pah!

I got turfed out of my new bed today... can't understand what the problem was. After all, what's an 'overnight bag' for?

LisaMed · 02/03/2015 20:04

I heard that the taller servant was arachnophobic, so I only put half a twitching spider on his face. He didn't appreciate the thought.

Laska42 · 02/03/2015 20:12

Over the years in the cause of defending my servants from other feline maruarders ive managed lose my fangs and get a torn ear ..

Do they appreciate my efforts on their behalf? No I just get laughed at and called 'old gummy' and 'raggedy ear' and 'dopey' as they do impressions of my tongue hanging out in front of me and their servant cronies .. so funny

So Now when i leap up ontheir chair to give then a nice claw massage or onto the pillow to remind them its breakfast time, ( I like to do this while they are pretending to be asleep ), not only do i make sure I have muddy paws and am wet through from the garden , I also now have fun dribbling all over my servants faces

(...they think its because I "love" them! Pah!) ..

albertcamus · 02/03/2015 20:14

My female servant is using her broken leg as an excuse for :

1 Irregular meal service - my breakfast is up to 20 minutes late
2 Constant background noise disrupting my solitude (radio, music, TV, visitors)
3 Purchase of tuna-flavoured snacks instead of my favourite chicken due to the manservant undertaking shopping duties
4 Disturbance at night by her restless thrashing around on my bed
5 Her eyes leaking salty fluid onto my best black fur coat

I am hoping that normal service will soon be resumed as I am finding this exhausting after nine long weeks :(

Andrewofgg · 02/03/2015 20:18

Time is on our side, my feline friends. Those two-leg walking types think they are so clever, but we know better. One of these days one of them will invent a can of tuna we can open with our paws after which . . . they are history!

Lovemycatsandkids · 02/03/2015 20:23

Mine have initiated some sort of drug programme.

They are rationing and hiding my dreamies. Angry