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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think servants could show more gratitude

128 replies

QueenOfTheAlley · 02/03/2015 14:19

I went to a lot of trouble catching a mouse for them and took it home still alive so that they could play with it before eating it.

Servant1 picked me up to put me outside so I dropped the mouse at Servant2's feet. It ran behind the cooker and she chased me out of the house yelling.

If that's all the thanks I get I don't know why I bother!

OP posts:

Pointlessfan · 02/03/2015 20:33

My servants never appreciated the artistic patterns I made in the new paint on the window ledge. They always shush me when I go to talk to them in the night too incase I wake up that little one who chases me. You'd think they would be pleased to see me.

Crocodopolis · 02/03/2015 20:45

My staff ran out of tinned food. She claimed it was because she had the flu and was too poorly to go to the shops. So she gave me smoked salmon instead.

Not good enough. I showed her by pooping in the bathroom.

She got the message and went out to get me proper food today.

susiedaisy · 02/03/2015 20:45

My servants are so ungrateful, every time they prepare food I try to taste it first by jumping up on the worktop and licking the food just to make sure it's safe for them to eat. They tell me off and make me get down. I can't believe they don't appreciate the risk I'm taking for them, as I could be poisoned at anytime. I'm living on the edge here and no one seems to care.

Laska42 · 02/03/2015 20:52

susiedaisy-pusscat LTBs!

They clearly are fools and deserve what is coming to them.....

Marlinspike · 02/03/2015 20:57

So I and smallcat hosted fight club last night. Just an informal gathering; a few friends, we grabbed a rodent takeaway - you guys know what it's like, right? So fight club gets a bit...well, fighty. And can I be blamed if tomcat down the road has poor bladder control? Up against the sofa? It's hardly crime of the century is it?

albertcamus · 02/03/2015 20:57

Mine tried the smoked salmon alternative, Crocodopolis. What insubordination. I registered my protest by regurgitating it just in front of the fridge, meaning that the manservant trod in it barefoot the next morning, in the dark ! That will teach them. You can't get the staff nowadays.

BiscuitsofYum · 02/03/2015 21:10

I once caught lots of mice for servant1 and left them by her bed! I even showed them how to eat them by eating different parts of the mice. When she eventually woke to deal with servant 3(who was making a horrible sound) and stood on them she was not impressed.
These days the mice and birds seem to get away more as every time I move there's this jingling sound!

These days I take great delight in taking servant 3s toys, he was very impressed when I took his noisy flat rectangle thing to just have a look and left it in the airing cupboard! Or when I took a load of screwdivers? Is that what they are called? And left them in the garden.

Anyway must scatter, it must be time to meow for more food as I am starving!

muddlingalongquitenicely · 02/03/2015 22:18

My servants once locked me in the kitchen when they went out to earn money for my treats. So i crapped on the worktop behind the kettle and the toaster and it was diarrhoea. The noise the youngest made when he came home from school i can still hear the retching... (my poor teenage son cleared up the best he could as i was some distance from home at work, the smell was awful and lingered for hours we had candles bleach everything to get rid of the smell. We had take out that night as no one wanted to go in the kitchen)

froggyjump · 02/03/2015 22:24

I have found, after the un appreciated presents (3 live mice released in different rooms on the same day) I get a much better result letting my mate in through the magnetic cat flap late at night, he comes in and has a meow, and the female servant appears even at 4am!

CaulkheadUpNorth · 02/03/2015 22:26

I did not appreciate that the next door neighbours of my servants (where I spend most of my say) had a new carpet so I spent a lot of time hiding and jumping onto it. I thought I was helping them out but they kept making me sit on a chair instead.

Ohfourfoxache · 02/03/2015 22:42

My servants insist on trying to keep my gifts alive. Having brought in a rather lively present, which I thoughtfully cornered and attracted female servant's attention so that she could have the benefit of playing before eating, female servant shut me in the kitchen whilst she carried it out the front door!

Well, I wasn't going to have that. Especially after I went to the trouble of choosing and catching one particular mouse that I thought she would like.

So I waited a while before skulking out of the cat flap, went to the front of the house, re-caught the mouse and left it, decapitated, in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. For some reason female servant was still not pleased with her gift.

Perhaps next time I will choose a larger gift and present it to male servant - surely he will be more grateful and appreciative of my efforts.

Settlingdown · 02/03/2015 23:27

I like to attack the kitchen sponge and leave it in my servants bed ready for then to wake up to in the morning- you should try it!

Lovemycatsandkids · 02/03/2015 23:40

Which of my servants deserves me tonight on their bed?

The head female and male or try older kittens, teens apparently.

Not sure. The older ones snore but the kittens have bleepy things and flashy things that piss me off. All night too.

Decisions decisions.

Oldraver · 02/03/2015 23:49

Did your servant throw a chair at the mouse which hit the wall gouging a hole out ?

What you need are servants that live in a bungalow and keep a window open...then you can sneak in and play with your mouse on the comfort of their duvet..they may bat you as your jumping around but will be sleepy so wont notice as you devour the mouse on the bed

Until the morning

albertcamus · 02/03/2015 23:54

I normally sleep with the head female, but the cheerfulness of the male servant when he brings her breakfast, delaying mine incidentally, annoys me. So I try a bit of acupuncture if she's wearing the 'blanket dressing gown of love', or a bit of filing my nails on the new bed. That gives them a good adrenalin rush ! I think that's why they love me :)

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 03/03/2015 00:00

Mouse schmouse. My servant had been quite good so I found her a nice big rat, (almost bigger than me) dragged it through the cat door and despatched it in the middle of the sitting room floor.

Did she appreciate it? Not a bit of it, she came to a halt and sort of stared at it for quite a while then put these strange rubbery things on her paws, picked up and put it in a rubbish bag and then another one, I don't know why she needed two it wasn't going anywhere.

She cleaned the floor with this horrible smelly stuff called bleach. She was then very sick and it wasn't even a hairball- she should have eaten the rat that would have made her feel better.

Oldraver · 03/03/2015 00:09

My servant was annoyed with me one day as it was my fault she hadn't had her morning paper.

I left a rat as a boundary marker half way down the path and the squeamish paper servant wouldn't step over it

I used to love catching rats for my servants but occasionally they would bite back and my servants would get one of their medical cohorts to torture me

Lweji · 03/03/2015 00:11

Mine refused to give me more than a bit of her cheese. The bitch.
After all the heavy patting I give her.

albertcamus · 03/03/2015 00:13

I found the ultimate present for them : a big fat orange carp from noisy neighbours' pond. Brought it home for the male servant as he too loves fishing. The female servant spotted me as I dashed through the back door, but I made it upstairs to the manservant's snoring quarters. He wanted to share it with me and went to get a plastic bag so we could enjoy it together. I bit it in half so we could play, all was good until the Head Female came in and screamed about the blood, so that was the end of that game. They colluded though, cos they never did tell the neighbours !

sashh · 03/03/2015 05:57

I went to all the trouble of selecting a small rodent the same colours as the dress my human was making and I left it all neat on the material she had pinned out to cut.

You'd think she'd be pleased

middleagedbread · 03/03/2015 06:54

Snoring quarters!

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 03/03/2015 07:13

I became aware that my larger servant likes kidneys. He is so poor at hunting that he has to go and buy nasty stale ones from "shops". So I went to all the effort of leaving him two lovely fresh ones - still warm - on the kitchen floor. Was he grateful? No! He was impressed by the detail put into the butchery I grant you, but he didn't eat them, just worried about where the rest of the mouse was.

LosingNemo · 03/03/2015 07:13

I am a member of the ECDL (English cats defence league), I won't tolerate immigrants coming over from Guinea and stealing all our jobs (attention). Oh yes, dear reader, I ate that Guinea Pig. Just to show my commitment to the cause, I also ate the next door servants immigrants too. They screamed with delight. FELINE PRIDE!

albertcamus · 03/03/2015 07:35

My Head Manservant disgusted me this morning by using the toilet in our house. I had to go out in the rain to escape the smell.

Every day I set the example of using the neighbours' facilities instead of our territory

It just doesn't make sense to me :(

Crocodopolis · 03/03/2015 09:42

My staff insist on getting a goodnight cuddle. I don't particularly feel like doing this at bedtime, as I feel the middle of the night is a much better time.

Oh, and to do this properly, the top duvet has to be lifted up so that I can be the filling in a duvet sandwich. But sometimes it's cold, so I want both duvets lifted up. The only way I know which system I prefer is to test both out.

And then I have to stretch out and put all of my cold feet against the staff's hip and leg.

Sometimes I give the staff acupuncture treatments, too.

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