AIBU to be disappointed not to have an engagement ring?

[finlaythecat]

My partner popped the question on Christmas eve and we are over the moon. He made a homemade ring for the occasion which I love and which will always be 'The Ring' but is not suitable to actually wear.

We went ring shopping together in early January and he had no idea about cost of rings so it was all quite a suprise to him! I would like a platinum ring so I can wear it every day and my job is quite hands on. The rings we've looked at have been around £1000-£1500.

We have a good amount of savings and several of the jewellers we went into offer payment in installments etc. However, DP has said he doesnt want to use any of our savings and does not want to buy it on credit. We are not badly off financially and hopefully in May he will be becoming a partner in his business, leading to a big salary increase.

In the mean time we are paying to have several rooms plastered, carpeted etc and our garden cleared.

AIBU to be sad about not having a ring 2 months down the line and that everything else is taking priority financially? I know I sound like a complete spoiled brat and it is a big luxury but I feel like he is not interested at all.

at hula hoop and purplepoodle who was the Indian that wanted your husband to pay a fortune every month?

mary millington do you have any luxuries at all?

Oh FGS of course you're not unreasonable.

It's a traditional, common and expected custom that you want to take part in.

All of you who didn't want a ring, of course that's fine and you saved money. Great if you and partner felt the same.

The OPs issue is she and her DP feel differently and shes' got to go along with what he wants missing out on something that feels important her.

Actually it would worry me that before you are married your DP is dismissing your feelings and telling you that he is essentially making the sensible decision for both of you.

having this attitude over something which is meant to be romantic and significant (to many women) is quite cruel imo. You would hope that at this point he would want to make the romantic gesture that makes you happy. If he won't put your needs first and make a romantic gesture you would like at this point, when will he do it?

It's hardly like you are demanding expensive gifts every valentines/anniverasry. Just this once in a lifetime would be nice.

I wear my engagement ring every day. I've been married 16 years. I love it. (yellow gold wearing well)

It's shiny and pretty and represents a happy time in life when we were planning the life together we now lead.

I file and paint my nails sometimes just to make my hands with the rings look pretty

I love this:
'Threads about engagement rings and weddings always seem to go a bit Four Yorkshiremen on MN.'

So true.

BUT OP have you clearly told him how you feel, or are you quietly sulking? If sulking he is probably happily thinking he's explained the good sense to you and you agree.

You need to tell him how upset and hurt you are and why. Then suggest a compromise: maybe £500 on a ring instead, but a lovely day out together to choose one SOON.

Mine is white gold from H Samuels, cost about £150. I've had it about 8 years and it doesn't need to be replated. I can see the wear a little bit on the sides, but no one else sees that!

I think you are being really princessy, unless your partner (and you) earn mega bucks.

Yep, a few, thanks.
I love nice things.

An engagement ring is so loaded with old-fashioned, sexist symbolism I don't understand why anyone would want one. (I don't have a wedding ring either).

this kind of thing

Ooops! wrong thread!

Blimey Mary.... I thought you were suggesting Op squashes one of those vegan ball things on her finger with a grateful smile

Mary Millington you're obviously happy without "sexist symbolism" but I like some luxuries and that for me personally includes my jewellery. I have never thought of my wedding ring or engagement ring as sexist. Note to self - must ask DH if he views his wedding ring as sexist.

mary love the multi tasking. I did that earlier too!

Why do you need to spend so much on it? When I was married, mine cost £450 for a platinum ring with 1/4 carat diamond. Not a massive diamond but, at the time, it meant a lot to me. It's not about the price, it's what it symbolises. This was in 2003 but I'm sure you could still get something beautiful for much less than £1000.

mary you keep your vegan bites and I'll keep my beautiful platinum rings :o

I've gone through this but backwards!!

Dh proposed to me and being pre dc and wanting a massive diamond etc dh spend 3500 on a ring I LOVED IT but now we are 2 dc in and not well off anymore as I stay at home so am very lucky and my amazing ring sits in the ring box as it scratches the kids and to be honest it's too flashy now.

IMHO If I could go back I would of got a small token ring and saved the money or spent the money on something else like the kids. I won't sell the ring now it's my engagement ring I love it and will pass it to my daughter although my son does use it as some kind of necklace on his dinosaurs sometimes

I think Yanbu to want a ring but I think your fiancé is being very sensible.

The whole idea of displaying my relationship status with a ring gives me the creeps.

Hey-ho to each their own and all that.

But what I think that it is a pity that the OP can't be truly happy with her decision to spend her life with the person she loves until she gets a bit of bling.

'A bit of bling'

Apologies for the horrendous grammar above but you get the gist.

Op I hope you get a truly beautiful diamond that you love wearing.

OP I hope you have a lasting and happy marriage with a man who respects you as his equal.

And really nice flat plastered walls.

Symbollic or not it is something if like me you never take off (except x-rays etc) so having something you love and makes you smile is not to be sniffed at or poo-poo'd!
OP I would be disappionted too BUT remember when you do get one make sure it is something that you will love in x amount of years if you are spending a lot of money.
I personally don't think 1500 is that much on something that will last forever and hopefully be passed down BUT I love jewellery and never take mine off including my watch that I sleep in :)

I'd be scared to have a ring which cost that much, I'd worry too much to wear it!

My fiance and I exchanged engagement rings, no sexism here :)

TheRealMaryMillington I would expect that a man who respected me as his equal would not dictate what we should spend our money on. That's a matter for negotiation and agreement in an equal partnership.

Where in the OP's posts does it say he's dictating what they spend their money on? It just says she's pissed off because it's not a priority.

Maybe she should just buy her own ring?

My engagement ring is silver. So is my wedding ring (because you shouldn't wear a harder metal next to silver). Have been wearing it every day for almost a decade, and still keeps going strong. Was a fraction of your price tag and still felt frivolously expensive when I got it.

I'd hate wearing a ring that cost 1k+, would be too terrified to lose it. If hard wearing is of such importance to you, why not opt for tungsten or similar?

OP please come home with something like this