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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL is just awful. At my wits end

256 replies

mollygx · 25/02/2015 13:56

I've been with my partner now for 3 years and I've never gotten along with his mother, she's gave me a hard time since day one.
His older brother is married and she gave his wife trouble for 8 years until they got married and she fell pregnant with he granddaughter which she then realised it needed to stop.
I could walk on water and she would say it's because I can't swim, I have never actually done anything to upset this woman, I have never said anything to her that would make her hate me as much as she does.
Her life is that sad she gets involved in mine and my partners relationship, any argument we have. She had to put her ten pence in all the time, We've had a few run ins but I've always tried to be polite an let it go over my head at the end of the day this is his mum I can't change that.
She kicked off on me on Christmas eve in the pub because she had a bottle of wine and I haven't been to her house since, apparently I'm not allowed round because I'm rude. She has actually banished me from her house, my partner still lives at home and so do I. So we spend all our time here because or her.

she went to visit her other son for the weekend and we decided to spend the weekend their to have some time alone. I took 2 bottles of wine and she has drank them when she returned home since I left them in her fridge, no text to ask me or anything. They weren't cheap either. So she doesn't like me but she's okay drinking something that belongs to me.

I text her to confront her and she has rang my partner calling me all the names under the sun. I'm at the point where I love him but it's getting so difficult she's making my life very hard and it's causing friction between us, because I don't feel like he's putting her in her place, he will say something to her then go back on his word. He always allows her to have her own way because it's easier, so he will say yes that's fine, yes yes yes! He runs around after her and she relies on him for anything and everything and he does it for her! and I'm sat here wondering am I wasting my time? He has made plans with me and then turned up really late because he promised to pick her on a Saturday night, which is our night to have a takeaway or go for a drink
It's getting ridiculous.
I appreciate she's his mum but you've gotta draw the line somewhere.
How am I ever gonna have a future when she will never accept me?

Any ideas anyone ?!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2015 21:30

Buds, no, I asked that very question. OP has only been with boyfriend for three years. How would she even know what the situation is with his sister in law?

If most people who post a thread sanitise it somewhat to present themselves in a good light (and I believe they do), what on earth has been going on? OP's coming across very badly indeed and is completely indifferent to the concept of manners and respect. Her posts about her own parents are testament to that.

deadduck · 25/02/2015 21:31

God, OP, you sound just like my vile step daughters. Scary to think that there's more of them out there. Judging by that, you will not hear a word you're being told on this thread, so I won't waste my time commenting any further.

GymBum · 25/02/2015 21:32

I have tried reading all post but I may have missed something. I have a question. If your BF is so in love with you and you mean so much to him why have you two not got your own place? Regardless of his sitatuion in the forces you could get a place together.

From what you say, it seems you are more invested in this relationship. If he was that bothered about how you feel he would have "put his mother in her place" or moved out and started a more committed relationship with you.

I have to say you don't come across as a 21/22 year old. You sound a lotyounger Op. Also I think its extremely rude of you to go to her home when you know you are not welcome.

Tangerineandturquoise · 25/02/2015 21:33

OP I did look at your other thread- and I have to say please don't have forgotten to take your pill to get your Boyfriend's mum to like you and your BF to marry you. It'll end in tears, they will be yours and potentially a little minimollygx's as well. No one has ever gotten their boyfriend to commit through a whoops I forgot the pill pregnancy and lived happily ever after.

Your BFs mum, if she drinks so much wine may well just not have realized the wine wasn't hers.

She is drunk often and brazen- but you are entitled and coming across as quite possibly an indulged only child who thinks the love and possessions of others should be lavishly poured on to you and you should freely express what you think about others.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 25/02/2015 21:39

I bet she'll be pregnant before the year's out. And it will be an 'accident.'

Cunderthunt · 25/02/2015 21:40

Is he really doing things for his mum though or is he doing someone else? Explains where that expensive wine went too.....

landrover · 25/02/2015 21:41

Lying, that was the point of my post! don't understand your point?

DontDrinkandFacebook · 25/02/2015 21:41

Not only an accident, but a 'pill failure.'

GymBum · 25/02/2015 21:44

Sorry have I missed something? Is Op planning on getting " accidentally on purpose" pregnant?

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 25/02/2015 21:45

if you got married you would get married quarters free, so it can't be money that is stopping you getting together.
just that he doesn't want to?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2015 21:46

landrover... I wouldn't expect you to understand. I smirked at your lack of apostrophe though, patronising pedants usually have nothing relevant to say but fail to read their own posts in their rush to educate.

You have your own part of the board to posture in. Why do the rest of us need to be subjected to your 'Please, Sir! I know, I know!' mentality? It's utterly pathetic.

landrover · 25/02/2015 21:48

Grin at Lying

landrover · 25/02/2015 21:51

There are some very cross people around tonight! Grin

Number3cometome · 25/02/2015 21:51

OP's gone to flush her pill...

Purplepoodle · 25/02/2015 23:13

Could u not visit and stay with him on base for the weekend. This is what me and oh did when we were dating. Bit of freedom and privacy plus place emptied out as everyone went home so it was usually nice and quiet

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 25/02/2015 23:34

This talk of putting people in their place is ridiculous... Nothing to do with your age whatsoever, just rude no matter who you are.

WoodenGo · 26/02/2015 00:38

So you don't bend over backwards for your own parents, who own the house you are living in? And you want your boyfriend to put his mother 'in her place'; the woman who owns the house your boyfriend is living in? You are utterly foul, I sincerely hope my ds doesn't end up with a nightmare like you.

DodgedAnAsbo · 26/02/2015 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

musicalendorphins2 · 26/02/2015 01:10

If I banished someone from my home, that doesn't mean if I go away that they are welcome to stay.
He is your boyfriend, it is not his house to make rules in.

demonchilde · 26/02/2015 01:38

Some really harsh replies here.

My eldest DC had a girlfriend who I really wasn't too fond of to say the least. But for DS's sake I did my best not to let my feelings be known, and certainly wouldn't have slagged her off to him.

It would have taken something really major to ban her from my house and put DS in an awkward situation that he is in the middle of. So unless OP is guilty of some really awful behaviour (eg, violence) I think she is being selfish and acting badly. She is far more the adult in this situation and should act like it.

I also think it was wrong of her to drink the wine if she knew it wasn't hers.

TheChickenSituation · 26/02/2015 07:13

I do think people have been pretty harsh, but I guess that is because of your naïveté and quite stunning lack of self-awareness. Gosh, I remember what I was like at your age, and I am a tiny bit cringing for you, with every post you right.

Wait until you're old enough to own your own place, your own little haven, and then come back and tell us whether you'd want someone you didn't like staying in it, while you were away. ;)

And as for not leaving something nice, like a bottle of wine behind, as a thank you for staying there ... well, that is bad form. That you went further than that, and had an actual go at her for drinking it Shock ...

Again, you will look back on this one day and just die.

GymBum · 26/02/2015 08:06

The Op and her boyfriend have a solution. Both of them move out of their parents homes and get their own place. They can do as they please then and have their own "space". Their house their rules.

Alternatively Op could move out of her parents home and get her own place. Her boyfriend can then stay with her when his home.

Cariad007 · 26/02/2015 09:12

Gosh OP, I think part of the problem may be your boyfriend. If you only see him every 6 months and he prefers to spend more time with his mum then I'm sorry to say he's probably just not that into you.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 26/02/2015 09:34

molly

Kitchen's post at 20.19 was brilliant, spot on. Especially the bit about you expecting her to 'support' you while he's on calls of duty - that shows an alarming level of immature self absorption on your part, I must say. It hardly seems worth me (or anyone) posting after that, but as I'd already typed it all out before I read Kitchen's the above, I may as well post it anyway. Grin

I think your boyfriend's mother does sound unpleasant and mouthy (starting loud and aggressive arguments with someone while pissed in a pub is never a good look on a grown woman is it? Hmm ) BUT I think you are not doing yourself any favours by entering into a ridiculous tit for tat battle with this woman, and making yourself sound just as belligerent and difficult as her. I'd love to know what happened and what was said to lead you to being banned from her house. I bet you're not quite as blameless in all this as you'd have us believe.

I think in your eyes it's become some sort of battle over 'ownership' of your boyfriend. You seem to want to assert yourself as the alpha female in his life and oust his mother. That's natural maybe, but it doesn't really sound as though your boyfriend is quite ready to let this happen and at only 22 why should he be?

The pair of you could pay for a flat, or get married and move into married quarters if he really wanted that, but it sounds like he's quite happy with the status quo. Even the fact that you repeatedly (including in your other threads) refer to this woman as your MIL shows that you already see yourself as his wife and are gagging for him to move this relationship on and make it formal/permanent. Perhaps given the nature of his job and the associated risks, perhaps his mother gets irritated with you being pushy and demanding and making it all about YOU YOU YOU. Maybe she senses her son is being manipulated and pressured into a commitment he's not ready for.

I do hope all this forgetting to take the pill several days a month (because we all know how difficult it is to remember to do it daily - do you have this memory problem with cleaning your teeth as well? Hmm ) isn't some ploy to force his hand so that you 'win' and can stick two fingers up to the mother. I suspect it is exactly what it is, and I have that sinking feeling that some slow car crash is inevitably going to be played out here.

Number3cometome · 26/02/2015 09:53

OP left this conversation like 20 hours ago!

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