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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL is just awful. At my wits end

256 replies

mollygx · 25/02/2015 13:56

I've been with my partner now for 3 years and I've never gotten along with his mother, she's gave me a hard time since day one.
His older brother is married and she gave his wife trouble for 8 years until they got married and she fell pregnant with he granddaughter which she then realised it needed to stop.
I could walk on water and she would say it's because I can't swim, I have never actually done anything to upset this woman, I have never said anything to her that would make her hate me as much as she does.
Her life is that sad she gets involved in mine and my partners relationship, any argument we have. She had to put her ten pence in all the time, We've had a few run ins but I've always tried to be polite an let it go over my head at the end of the day this is his mum I can't change that.
She kicked off on me on Christmas eve in the pub because she had a bottle of wine and I haven't been to her house since, apparently I'm not allowed round because I'm rude. She has actually banished me from her house, my partner still lives at home and so do I. So we spend all our time here because or her.

she went to visit her other son for the weekend and we decided to spend the weekend their to have some time alone. I took 2 bottles of wine and she has drank them when she returned home since I left them in her fridge, no text to ask me or anything. They weren't cheap either. So she doesn't like me but she's okay drinking something that belongs to me.

I text her to confront her and she has rang my partner calling me all the names under the sun. I'm at the point where I love him but it's getting so difficult she's making my life very hard and it's causing friction between us, because I don't feel like he's putting her in her place, he will say something to her then go back on his word. He always allows her to have her own way because it's easier, so he will say yes that's fine, yes yes yes! He runs around after her and she relies on him for anything and everything and he does it for her! and I'm sat here wondering am I wasting my time? He has made plans with me and then turned up really late because he promised to pick her on a Saturday night, which is our night to have a takeaway or go for a drink
It's getting ridiculous.
I appreciate she's his mum but you've gotta draw the line somewhere.
How am I ever gonna have a future when she will never accept me?

Any ideas anyone ?!

OP posts:
tinymeteor · 25/02/2015 14:59

Texting to confront her. Did you really expect that to end well?

Marynary · 25/02/2015 15:00

But I think it's extremely cheeky to banish me from your home, not spoke to me for months on end yet drink 2 full bottles of wine that she knew belonged to me without even being polite enough to get in touch.

Seriously? I think it is extremely cheeky to go to her home in the first place if you are "banished". To then complain that she drank the wine you left when you were in her home when you shouldn't have been really takes the biscuit. I don't blame her for drinking it.

CrapBag · 25/02/2015 15:00

Why would she support you when he is posted away for 6 months? Why would she get in touch to see how your holiday has been? You are expecting far too much from her.

She doesn't like you. I don't know why, it could b that she is nasty but I have my doubts by the way you are posting. You sound quite childish. Plus you think this is nasty (replies on here)? Seriously, this is nothing. I agree with another poster in that you sound princessy. And I still can't believe you would put your own parents in their place either. Who the hell do you think you are!

Maryz · 25/02/2015 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justbatteringon · 25/02/2015 15:00

I would assume the boyfriend told her the wine was gone when he came round the next weekend.
Just stop talking to his mother don't talk to her, about her and tell your boyfriend he's not to talk about your personal business or about you.

Let the wine go and don't go back to her house unless she gives you permission.
That's all you can do some people just can't get on.

obviously if the two of you go on to get married and have kids it's up to her to decide if she's willing to put the past in the past for the sake of grandkids.

MaudeLebowski · 25/02/2015 15:01

Yep, you have a boyfriend problem - a much bigger one than with your MIL.

What you have is a mummy's boy. And unless he cuts that out, nothing will change.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2015 15:02

I wouldn't count on you and he living together, not for a minute. He has a close relationship with his mother, you don't. You two actively dislike each other. You will lose.

You sound petulant and not at all the sort of girlfriend I would want in my home either.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 25/02/2015 15:03

OK, now FWIW I'm not normally one to side with the 'MIL' but I'm afraid the OP lost me at the 'put her in her place' comment.

to be quite brutal, if an adult child of mine tried that, they'd find themselves outside with my boot up their arse.

ThatFinalDribble · 25/02/2015 15:03

I have a DS who is 18 and I wouldn't dream of texting his girlfriend - apart from when she's left something at our house like she does almost every time she comes here Grin

Most of what you're saying is actually a problem with your boyfriend being unreliable. It's easy for him to blame his mum but really it's very disrespectful of him and something you need to say is unacceptable to you.

As for her - she has been rude to you, but really, if she's made it clear she doesn't want you at the house you shouldn't have gone to her house! Even if she wasn't there - that's pretty rude as well.

Salmotrutta · 25/02/2015 15:03

I'd like to tactfully point out that you probably just don't register much on your boyfriends mothers radar.

You aren't married to him and you don't even live together.

He's in the Navy and only at her house a couple of days a week when he's not at sea?

He probably can't be arsed with the bitching you are doing about his mother tbh.

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/02/2015 15:04

People don't change that much. If you're kicking off about wine at 21, you'll quite possibly be kicking off about wine when you're in your fifties too. It's her house and her fridge and she's entitled to the contents. I don't run around asking people for permission before taking something from the fridge I paid for. You shouldn't have left it behind if it was that expensive.

It's not a big deal really. If you want any kind of relationship with this woman, send her a note or text apologizing for over-reacting. Otherwise keep happily slagging each other off for the course of your relationship. Whatever you want to do.

Original poster
mollygx · 25/02/2015 15:06

How is it affecting her in any way if I go to her house whilst she is away for the weekend?
She may not want me there because we don't get along. And I don't want to be in her company either, but she was away visiting her son. Why wouldnt we stay in an empty house?

It's quite petty to not want someone in your house when your not even there

OP posts:
HedgehogsDontBite · 25/02/2015 15:06

If she's banished you from her home, what are you doing there while she's away?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 25/02/2015 15:07

You might be better off calling it a day and finding someone who shares your views on how a relationship should work. You might want to get your own place too, if privacy is an issue. You cant really expect that whilst living in someone elses house.

ApocalypseThen · 25/02/2015 15:07

It strikes me that the OP is having a more passionate and involved relationship with the mother than the wet weekend of a boyfriend.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 25/02/2015 15:08

why wouldn't we stay in an empty house?

Because its NOT YOUR HOUSE! You cant have squatters rights because someone pops away for the weekend!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2015 15:08

If you were any sort of a decent woman, you wouldn't go to another woman's house when they've told you not to. You're not, so you did.

NerrSnerr · 25/02/2015 15:08

Because she owns the house so can decide who is welcome whether she is there or not!!

HubertCumberdale · 25/02/2015 15:08

Does your boyfriend pay his mum some rent money?
Look at it like this, his mum has a grown up son who really should have his own place by now still living in her house. What you are suggesting is that he treats her house like a hotel, spends every saturday with you "because it's your night" to get drunk and go out. You also want to be involved in the family stuff as well, judging from another post.
It's not unreasonable for her to want some favours from him, it is unreasonable for you to be so demanding of his time whilst he is still living under his mum's roof.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2015 15:09

Yes, OP is a 'Squatzilla'

ApocalypseThen · 25/02/2015 15:09

She may not want me there because we don't get along. And I don't want to be in her company either, but she was away visiting her son. Why wouldnt we stay in an empty house?

It's her home, she says who comes and goes, not you. And disrespecting her wishes just because she dares step outside the door does not make you smart, it makes you dishonest and sneaky.

diddl · 25/02/2015 15:09

"How is it affecting her in any way if I go to her house whilst she is away for the weekend? "

Bloody hell!

You don't get it at all, do you?

NerrSnerr · 25/02/2015 15:09

Get your own place and then this won't be an issue.

MillieH30 · 25/02/2015 15:11

OP I think you're getting a hard time here. If the "MIL" was rude to you without provocation, then this needs to be addressed. The wine in the fridge incident sounds a little petty (and may be crossed wires) but I think you are saying it was the straw that broke the camel's back?

Can you sit down with your BF and explain how you feel and how unhappy this is making you. He is the one who has to sort this out - she is his DM. Unless she has good reason, she should be civil to you for his sake. Did he stick up for you when she was rude to you in the pub? Ultimately, if you feel that he prioritises his mum over you and is not prepared to change, then it may be time to move on.

Original poster
mollygx · 25/02/2015 15:11

My boyfriend still technically lives their, I'm his girlfriend of 3 years and if he wants me to come round then I should be able to. If she has a problem with me then that's up to her; what is she gaining by not allowing me into her home? It's pushing her son away and causing trouble

OP posts: