AIBU to think that my Dad is out of line and should back off on this?

[Marmiteandjamislush]

As background: It is Lent and we are very observant.

My Dad is here, as he is every day teaching the boys. I was setting the table for lunch and I put out a jug of water. DS2 (just 4) starts whinging that he doesn't want water, he wants juice. Now, to me he is just being a pain because we don't have juice with meals as a matter of course anyway, he has been very willful over the last few days anyway, because this is the first Lent that we have made him do 'properly' in that we have said no to anything sweet, fried or leaven at all and no red meat. I don't think this is a problem, his brother is just 6 and has done it from the same age. Anyway, so I serve the meal, veg broth and Matza. DS2 is still whining and refusing to eat, saying, 'I'm too thirsty, I'm too thirsty, Meenor!' His name for my Dad.

Dad then says to me 'How can you see your child suffer like this? I never denied you a drink as a child.'

I answered that I am not denying him anything, he is choosing not to drink the water and is only playing up to an audience.

A little later, [DS2still whining] I nip out to the loo, and come back to find DS2 has got a glass of squash!

AIBU to think that my Dad should have stuck to my rules in my own house?

FYI, kitchen has been cleaned for Lent, so he had to purposefully walk through to my office the garage to get the juice from the child inaccessible cupboard!

YANBU to be cross at your dad overruling you. That's where my YANBU ends though. The rest of your post pretty much encapsulates what I don't like about many, many religious faiths. Forgive the comparison, but it reminds me of the family of Plymouth Bretherens who attended my secondary school - they had to leave class while we studied Of Mice And Men, I always remember that, along with one of them not being allowed to come to any birthday parties, which I always found really sad. She was off like a shot when she turned 16, though, and certainly found her feet then! Such restriction, for what?

Ignorant non religious person here....what did yeast do wrong?

What kind of god exists that would give a damn whether a four year old had orange squash for crying out loud?

I think you are always going to have a difficulty having your father in your home as an authority figure (i.e. a teacher.) Children who attend schools usually go through a phase of believing everything their teacher says, and disbelieving their parents (even where they are saying the same thing).

I think your father feels he has the right to overrule you. I disagree with him, but I don't think you will be able to make him see that. I think he will be able to back up his view with lots of bits about honouring your parents, etc. I suggest that if you do wish to home educate your DC, and have your father teach them, you are going to have to put up with this sort of thing. So, really, it depends on what you are prepared to put up with for the benefits of him teaching your boys. (And we all make compromises with our DC's education, really.)

(I'm intrigued about how the Torah forbids television and print media, but allows catchup services and online news, though. )

I was wondering why you can't watch tv live but can on catch up?

Does God punish children who don't observe Lent?

Ignoring the lent thing, my guess is that 4 year old was just hungry (does he usually eat a reasonable amount of bread, etc), and like a pp said, squash is quick calories. I think most people find it easier to eat more consistently - ie only squash at parties, or only crisps on a Friday, rather than going to an extreme. I suspect the tantrum was hunger based.

I think he sees it as being very harsh, Not and he is a softie to a fault with all of his DGCs, but as I say they are not being starved, just giving up luxuries. So still 3 meals a day for the forty days and then no leavens for Passover, so not prison rations. I think in some ways he sees it as a comment on his parenting too, because we are much stricter than my parents are/were, but that is because DH was brought up in that way and I really believe in our religion so it's easier for me to 'go stricter' than him to lapse because that would be more stressful for him. His family are very black and white about things. He still gets jumpy if I do any 'work', even sewing on rest days and I know he is anxious about the possible 'consequences' of the boys not being circumcised, but he understood why I was so against it and supported me, so I support him in this, rather than following my family in this.

but I want to know about the tv thing!!!

Blimey! I've seen NO EVIDENCE the op is remotely abusive! I wouldn't parent like her but abusive - goodness. How rude.

Where are the no sugar, no processed, "made from scratch" bores when you need them?

I was thinking the same thing! Suddenly all of MN is out in favour of sugary foods.

I thought I felt pretty strongly about religion (I think it's the root of quite a lot, if not all, of the world's woes) but my word some of you lot are being really rude and hostile about the OP and her family.

Snarky passive-aggressive comments like 'Does God punish children who don't observe Lent?' and 'What do you do about the wilfulness, OP?' are a bit out of order, too, IMO.

And as a pp asked, what's wrong with yeast?

I'm fascinated by your religion. I have never heard of people who live in this way before.

Teach restraint, yes. But you don't learn to lift weights by lifting a 50 pound weight at age 4.

Your children are going to see lots of people around them not forgoing so many pleasurable experiences in the name of religion. You don't want to send the message that religion is all or mostly about not doing stuff you want to do, or about doing stuff you don't want to do.

adsy it means you don't have to buy a tv licence .

ah right. It's because some people a few thousand years ago were pressed for time!!
now, the live tv versus catch up?

In Exodus the Jews fled from slavery in Egypt. There wasn't time for them to make bread dough and wait for it to rise before they legged it, so they had it unleavened. Unleavened bread now is eaten in memory of/to symbolise this.

goat

Re Catchup services. We can't use them as a means of watching television exactly, rather we can watch education programmes. So for example, if there is a historical documentary, or religious programme or something like that, which is important or beneficial or allows us to learn then we can watch that in that way, because catch up gives us chance to research and decide suitability before we watch IYSWIM. It also means we do not 'keep watching' and see things we don't wish to or need to.

Would it not be better to have a maccy d's as a symbol of not having time to cook?!

So they can't have fruit for 40 days?

I am really interested in religion. Not especially religious myself - I have some faith, but can't really say a adhere to any one form of religion.

The way all the main religions basically believe the same things and have many of the same "rules" fascinates me.

However, I have never heard of print media being banned before and I would love to know why print is bad but internet is allowed. Also, as PP, why TV is not allowed but DVDs and catch up is? (That can't be from the Bible )

What counts as historical drama? Wolf Hall? I'd include breaking bad as an example of how drugs fuck up your life