The last thing I want to do is upset anyone but I have never understood gender disappointment. (Possible unintended triggers)

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Just that really. Does it matter if you have for example. 5 boys or 5 girls as long as the baby is healthy. How can anyone be disappointed in their own child.
Prepared to be flamed. I've been on MN long enough to know how it works

I really wanted DS2 to be a boy. I'd have been just as much in love with him if he was a girl but I really, really wanted a boy because I felt that it would bother DS1 being the only boy more than it would bother DD being the only girl. I had a feeling from a few weeks into the pregnancy that he was a boy. When he was eventually confirmed as a boy we were pleased.

First thing said to us by the first person we told? "Oh, what a shame..."

Gender disappointment aside (and I believe gender disappointment is a real and valid problem), some people really do buy into the theory that boy = little shit and girl = little sweetheart.

I didnt want a girl as i knew we would have only 1. In our family girls have been more awkward babies and grown ups. Some wouldnt go to other adults as babies. Also sil got pg very young.

Im also not a girly girl and actually dislike all the make up, hair, nails, clothes etc which while not all girls are into this most try to fit in.
At toddler groups i see that actually girls are the naughtier ones until about 3, as they are more active sooner, then boys become more rough and tumble, boisterous.

We are currently pg with DD2 and although i would still have liked the experience of a boy (and there hasnt been 1 out of 6 dc on my side now) but i can see having 2 the same sex is obviously easier for things like activites, interests etc when they get older.
And not being in 2 places at once.

I was thinking of dd doing football, as i think at 3 she would enjoy that more than ballet.

Neither of us follow football so its probably good to (probably) avoid that when DDs get older.
Some of the little boys i see are so sweet.
I think for boys friendships are probably easier as they can be more accepting of different people.
And then of course theres the possibility of women doing all the work of raising kids by themselves so i guess theres a sadness about life not treating them equally or working all day and still doing all the housework. Plus having pcos, i dont like all the female hormonal stuff.
I wonder if those wanting boys would have chosen to be a boy themselves?

Yanbu op. I don't get it either.

You need to understand that it isn't rational and it is simply an emotion reaction.

For example, I found out by mistake that DS2 was a second boy. I was upset that I wouldn't have a girl as he was to be my last. Fast forward a few years and iwas upset to find out that DD was a girl. The girl I'd wanted. It made no sense whatsoever.

Obviously I loved each child the same as soon as they were born. Any disappointment was that fleeting sadness for the child you thought you were having. The vast majority of any gender disappointment is like this.

Maybe you have perfect control over what emotions you feel. I certainly don't.

I don't understand it either. I was always happy to have whatever gender when I was pregnant, turned out to be a girl and I was very pleased her! I pregnant with number 2 and once again I don't mind.

I'm the opposite to most on this thread and most in rl in that I really wanted boys.

I know that I shouldn't have a preference, but it's not something that I can explain or control.

I'm sure that if I had a dd I'd overcome these feelings.

There's various reasons why this might be it could be from some deep routed problem or it could be a completely shallow thing.

I think that it comes from issues I've had in my own life, how I perceive a girl is most likely to turn out and the kind of things that are aimed at girls in our culture. I'd be scared that is fail her I don't have that fear in raising boys.

Always believed DS1 and DS2 were boys, from the moment I realised I was pregnant. Not sure I'd know what to do with a girl after 9 years of rugby, swords and gun-fingers.

We have friends who really desperately wanted one or the other, I never felt fussed either way but I understand why people might have a preference.

I don't really get the extreme gender disappoint you sometimes hear about.

I was genuinely surprised at my 20 week when the sonographer confirmed the baby I'm currently pregnant with is a girl though. I was sure I was having a boy, I'd always imagined myself as a mother of boys. Maybe I will have sons too, one day. It took me about a minute to get over my surprise and then I was just happy.

With regard to "as long as the baby is healthy" and questioning whether it infers it is ok to be disapointed if your baby is born ill or with a disability. I don't think that is what the phrase implies.

If when my baby is born she is ill or has a disability, I will be worried for her health and possibly future, disappointed for her that her life will be harder than it might otherwise have been. I wouldn't be disappointed that she is my baby. I assume that is what other people mean, as well.

I've NC because this post contains very identifying details.

I'm happy that I had three girls which is bloody good thing, actually since I've been dealt the double whammy of gender and "as long as the baby is healthy".

I found out when DD3 (DD2s twin) was stillborn that I have mosaic Turner Syndrome.

Essentially, I have (well, had. No more.) a 25% chance of having a son, 25% chance of having an early miscarriage, 25% chance of having a daughter with MTS and 25% chance of having an unaffected daughter. An affected daughter would have the same statistics and so on.

Subsequent testing showed that my DM and DSis both have MTS as well. DSis had the aforementioned early miscarriage of my nephew, she didn't have any more children.

DH is from a family of boys and, I suspect his culture is bit penis centric. When he very, very gently mentioned that he might like another child, I detected a yearning for a son that he's had the good sense never to articulate.

I very reasonably told him that if he wanted another child he could fuck off and find a nice young woman unaffected by MTS (one symptom is early menopause.)

He very wisely decided to stay and never mention it again.

I was so utterly broken when DD3 died that with the statistics I couldn't risk a miscarriage, nor could I risk passing MTS on.

Both my surviving DDs are unaffected, but ironically DD3 was and it was only due to her postmortem that I found out, although the two are unrelated.

So yeah, I could have wished for a particular gender or a "healthy" baby but mother nature was having none of that.

I am so very, very grateful both DDs are unaffected and won't have that before them if they choose to have children.

I would have been deemed completely useless and been beheaded by Henry VIII, eh?

Sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear your story. That's so bloody unfair (understatement). I really feel for your loss.

sorry for you 27

No one has to GET other peoples' gender disappointment or understand it, or judge them for it. It is their personal feeling and they don't have to justify it to anybody.

I cried both times when I found out with each DC they were boys', a bit more with DS2, I admit, as I wanted a girl. I also cried when I found out our third was a girl. I felt so overwhelmed and surprised and happy.

These are my feelings, it would probably take a long time in therapy to explore why I wanted a DD so much. I got her alright. 17wks early and for all of 2 weeks. Her delightful, much loved, brothers' miss her so much and are gutted they don't have a little sister at home with them.

It's just how it is, and these threads are done to death, no need for any more. People want what they want, and it's none of your business.

"don't have to justify it to anybody."

perfectly said.

Thank you, duplodon.

HerRoyalNotness, I am so very sorry that you lost your little girl. Thank you, too.

I agree with you and second ragged.

I wanted boys and I'm very happy I have them, but I suspect that if I had had dd's I would be saying I always wanted dd's and was happy to have them! You love the kids you have - anyone who doesn't is a weirdo.

Before I had any children, I always wanted a DD. I was desperate for a DD to the point where I did the whole gender specific eating! My 1st Born was indeed my DD. I then had twin boys. To my immense surprise I get as much pleasure from my DS' as I do my DD. If anything I find my DS' are more snuggly and cuddly than my DD and that she's way more 'meh' about girly Mum time with me than my DS' are! Weird how these things turn out

I didn't read all the messages on here before I put my 2 pennies in. Sorry for loss ladies. BB x