The last thing I want to do is upset anyone but I have never understood gender disappointment. (Possible unintended triggers)

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Just that really. Does it matter if you have for example. 5 boys or 5 girls as long as the baby is healthy. How can anyone be disappointed in their own child.
Prepared to be flamed. I've been on MN long enough to know how it works

DH had gender disappointment over DD to the point that it triggered depression. We lost a baby to miscarriage at four months, a girl, and I think he had a lot of unresolved feelings surrounding it. He seemed to have the idea in his head that if we had another girl we'd lose her, that was never said outloud in so many words but was implied. When the scan said girl he immediately asked them to check again, he then excused himself and was away for a good five minutes or so. When he came back he asked for another check. All the way home he was quiet, all afternoon he was quiet, wouldn't discuss the scan at all until finally, just before bed he said he'd hoped for a boy as he didn't think we could have girls.

I won't replay detaila but it took him many months to come to terms with it, he had depression following DDs birth, and it was hard for him.

Nowadays the pair of them are thick as thieves, he absolutely adores her and they have a great relationship.

We really wanted a boy and were delighted when we saw DS on the scan. I just couldn't picture having a girl, I've always imagined us with a boy.

My friends have admitted they suspected we had a preference but a few don't understand why it was for a boy as I have a good relationship with DM and DSis so thought I'd want that. Girls seem to be their preference for those reasons.

I had a preference for a boy, both times. I didn't want a girl at all and still don't. It probably has something to do with the difficult relationship I have with my own mother, but that's the way it is for me. If I had had a girl, then I'm sure I would have dealt with my feelings and loved her just the same. I didn't have a girl, so never had to face that, but I still have no yearning for a girl.

I think in most cases you have what you have and biology ensures that when the baby is born the gender doesn't matter. For some people I guess the yearning for one or the other never goes.

One thing I am sick of hearing is the fact that boys grow away from their parents in a way girls don't. Whether you're male or female doesn't determine the relationship you have with your parents. How they parent you does.

I don't understand it in the sense that I've never experienced it, however am compassionate enough to realise that other people have different feelings/worries/fears/hopes/desires to me. I'm sure there are many things I think/feel that other people wouldn't understand.
Currently pregnant with my 2nd DD and have already been asked a few times if id rather be having a boy and if I'm disappointed. For me, personally, if I had a strong preference I wouldn't have chosen to have another at all, as there would be a 50% chance I would be disappointed!

I really wanted a girl first time around and had dd. I was over the moon.

Second pg I wasn't really bothered either way although growing up with just one sister and other family and close friends who were all girls I was a little apprehensive about a boy. After a very brief "oh what am I going to do with you" moment when he was born, I was happy that I had one of each.

Now, my DS had severe glue ear which has resulted in moderate learning difficulties. In his early years we had a lot of worry and even though he is coming along well now with a 1:1 TA at school, it was very difficult. For this reason, when I became pg with my third, I was desperate for another girl as I associated boys with worry and wouldn't have wished my DS's condition on my new baby (DS used to scream and scream til he was nearly sick, just going past our hospital).

I had another DS. Although he has had glue ear, he hasn't been affected in the same way as DS1 and has kept up with his peers.

I love all my DC fiercely but I can understand gd.

If I had another I would want another dd. I can't really say why.

5 boys or 5 girls as long as the baby is healthy. How can anyone be disappointed in their own child.

Are you suggesting it is ok to be dissapointed if you have an ill or disabled child?

I find that people who deny there is any difference tend to still just have young pre school DCs.

I've got one of each. When they're little of course it doesn't matter. They wear the same clothes, play with the same clothes, do the same activities. There is no difference in the experience of parenting little boys and girls.

But when they go to school they get so socialised into such rigid gender roles. I hate that but that's how our society is. In my experience, as the years went by, despite my attempts at gender neutral parenting, they became very different DCs (based on society's imposition of gender stereotypes). It's inescapable. Dd won't go to football classes. DS won't go to ice skating classes. Dd won't play with her train set. DS won't read a book with a female protagonist. It's all so segregated and it makes me .

So I can see why people have gender preferences.

Also into adulthood you only have to read the mil threads on here to see that grandmothers will generally be allowed to have a closer relationship to their dd's DCs than their DS's.

My mother had gender disappointment with me. I was well aware of it. That was part of the reason I wanted to have a girl, I wanted to have the "proper" sort of mother/daughter relationship I had always wanted.

I have an amazing relationship with all my children, I love them equally, but, my daughter has helped to heal something in me.

I don't need to understand why my mother felt like that, she just did. I was an only child for 6 years because she was was and I quote "afraid it would be another girl"

I have one of each and both times chose not to know the sex when pregnant. I was not bothered in the slightest if they were a boy or a girl. I was thrilled to be having my baby, whatever gender, and looked forward to the surprise at birth.

I too, can't understand people having a definite preference, surely you love each child for them, not their gender?

I was over the moon when I found out DC1 was a boy I'd always wanted a boy first. When I found out DC2 was a boy I was disappointed but he is the best thing ever I wouldn't change him for the world nor DS1.

I do think it would be lovely to have a daugther though. We aren't having anymore children though so it's never going to happen and that upsets me.

I wasn't disappointed to have two girls because it was love at first sight twice. I was disappointed that i would never experience having a little boy of our own. DH is happy with girls.

I think most of my disappointment was due to this 'one of each, perfect' thing you hear when anyone has a second DC of the other sex (or b/g twins as a couple of my friends have). I resent the implication that my family is not perfect. I've had loads of sympathy over having two girls because boys love their mummys and teenage girls are horrible. DH has had pity at not having a son which he doesn't get at all.

If I was younger, richer and more patient and would love to have had a third, and yes a boy would have been lovely. The DDs have actually asked if they can have a little brother.

When I was pregnant with DD, I didnt really care about boy or girl, I just wanted to meet my yummy squishy baby. At 20 weeks we were told she was a girl, it didnt really have any special meaning other than I could stop calling her it and start thinking about names.

I remember a show a few years ago about some women who had GD, one woman had 4 boys and she was pregnant with a 5th baby, she burst into tears when she realised she was having another boy.

She really irked me for a comment she made about not having a girl is the same as not being able to have children at all. That really riled me.

I've always had a natural preference for girls- boys seem like such an alien species. I do like other people's sons tho- but I could never picture myself with a son.

I've found out the sex all three times with my girls. I do imagine if I'm being honest that I'd be initially a bit disappointed to have a boy- but I'm sure we'd grow to like him eventually.

Strangely, my preference for girls gets stronger every time. I am a fully paid up member of the SMOG brigade.

I have a strong preference for a boy (we are ttc our first) and my DP doesn't mind either way. Suspect it's because I have a strong maternal bond with my little brother who is fourteen years younger than me. Don't want to feel like this, really want to not mind as I know it's daft and I will love either.

I feel like if we get pregnant I will want to find out the gender before the birth simply because that way if it is a girl I'll be able to get over my silliness before she arrives.

Feel very guilty for feeling this way given there are so many people who can't conceive and are desperate for either. But on the other hand really can't help my gut feeling!

I have a ds who is very much adored and loved and I knew from the start he was going to be a boy.

If we were to fall pregnant the second time I think both me and my partner would want a girl. Girls are so much different to boys. I think we would find out as early as we could so we were then able to bond with a boy or girl from the start. We can't explain it because we both love our son and would be happy with a second son we would just lean more towards a girl

Saying that boys are like an alien species is offensive, I'm sorry it just is. This gender disappointment is cultural conditioning, we are so rigidly put into boxes according to our gender that how can a woman possible identify with a little boy, it's sad is what it is.

I get that people feel a certain way but I can't sympathise with it at all. I have two DSs and a DD......my boys are wonderful, just utterly wonderful, just like my daughter, no difference.

I think preference is often down to our own upbringing.

I always wanted a boy, I think that was me having two brothers who are very protective if me and my mum.

I now had 2 DS who are my world, they are not boisterous, they are very caring sweet boys who shower me with hugs and kisses.

There is a very strong stereotype that boys will not care about their mothers when they are older and girls will take thier mums shopping etc....

You will either get on and be close to your child regardless of gender!!!

Saucy jack ... What a load if old crap re boys being alien species .., I also hate the term SMOG!!!

I hope your girls give you a grandson so you can change your shallow views.

I don't know. I was pretty pleased dd was healthy after miscarriage and infertility and quite a significant chance of a heart defect were all ruled out. After our experience in NICU then I was really delighted she came home healthy.

I was however crushed to find out she was a girl at the 20 week scan and I really wanted a boy but was so relieved at the same time that there was nothing wrong with her from what they could see. A very strange range of emotions. DH was over the moon to be having a girl.

Agree when they are born you tend to lose all of that negativity. DD is an absolute delight and I can't imagine life without her. What I found was that I was projecting all my negative experiences onto my unborn child. The reality is, as ever, 100% different. It's up to me to determine that relationship with her and I am going to do my best to ensure its a positive experience. Still hope if we have a second it will be a boy but at least now I also know if it is another girl I will be more relaxed about it second time round.

One thing I am sick of hearing is the fact that boys grow away from their parents in a way girls don't.

Completely agree. DH is very close to his mother, for example, and his cousins are also all close to their mothers and see them regularly. I am not close to mine. I don't know why there is that misconception about one gender being more likely to not bog off when they are adults. It can happen to boys and girls.

Agree living, DH is much closer to his mum than I am to mine.

I didn't care if eldest was boy or girl, as long as he was ok.
I didn't care if my second child was boy or girl, as long as he was ok.

Both boys. Quite a few comments of "oh never mind!" about the fact that the second happened to be born with male bits... which is offensive.

And now I'm having child #3, who they tell me is female. I don't mind either way, I'd have loved having 3 boys and I love having 2 boys and a (possible) girl.

What I do mind is the arses who ask "boy or girl?" pointing at my bump then say "oh at last!"and similar things and imply that I must have been disappointed that my gorgeous, funny, cute second happens to have been born a boy. Or ask if I'm having any after this one, then say "well you're done now you're having a girl, obviously" when the reality is I'd love to have another after this but honestly my body isn't up to it and it's probably a bad idea to have another.

I'm probably not helping by my answers though... "well, to be honest I wanted to get another 3 boys to form a 5-a-side team" or " well we need another 2 chasers, another beater, at least one to play keeper or seeker, depending on this one's build!"

What worries me with having such strong gender preferences is what happens if your much longed for daughter ends up being transgender? Surely it would make it a lot more difficult for that child to come out knowing that their parents saw their birth gender as being very important.

What is a SMOG?

Unfortunately my MIL passed away last year but both my DH and his brother absolutely adored her.

I'm gutted she won't he around to see mine and DH's son grow up. I would have trusted her with DS in the exact same way I trust my own mom with him.

Another one here with a DH who is very close to his mum, we live 10 mins away from her and she does our childcare...I see my mum every two weeks I think, but that's only a recent thing as they used to live abroad and I'd only see them a few times a year. So can we please stop with the bollocks that a daughter is for life, son buggers off as soon as he finds a wife?!

I find it quite infuriating that this seems to be one gender stereotype that people happily trot out when they'd challenge all others.

I always notice people tend to prefer girls these days but that could be that I'm sensitive to it because I have a son.