The last thing I want to do is upset anyone but I have never understood gender disappointment. (Possible unintended triggers)

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Just that really. Does it matter if you have for example. 5 boys or 5 girls as long as the baby is healthy. How can anyone be disappointed in their own child.
Prepared to be flamed. I've been on MN long enough to know how it works

Here it is:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2281635-Do-you-have-adult-sons

These threads always end up becoming a girl-bashing fest, as everyone falls over themselves to say how much better their boys are than 'bitchy', 'bossy', 'squeamish', 'boring' girls.

I don't think I had any real preference. We didn't find out the sex, most people thought I was having a boy so I thought I was having a boy, but once OH told me it was a girl, all thoughts of a boy left my head and instantly it was like 'How could I have ever thought she was a boy, of course she's a girl!'.

To me it's not really mattered as DD has a wardrobe full of clothes from both sections in the supermarket, but at the same time although I can't understand gender disappointment on a personal level, I would never tell someone they were a bad person for feeling that way, because they can't help it. The worst is when the 'some people would do anything for a baby' line is trotted out, it's used too often in too many unsuitable circumstances. Someone being happy with the sex of their baby has no impact on someone else's fertility.

This triggering business is getting ridiculous.

I don't get it either OP. I guess people who express 'gender disappointment' have never had a scan where they have been told that their baby has a serious health condition because otherwise I can imagine they would care about anything other than a healthy baby.
I have also noticed that (on MN at least) gender disapointment seems to be aimed solely at boys. I have to (mostly!)avoid threads on it now as it makes me so cross.

Sorry I should be more specific. This is a daft example of potential triggering.

It's interesting to read others reasons for having a preference.

Personally I wasn't brought up by my mum- she left when I was 3, I had contact but never felt she loved me. IMO that is why I've wanted a dd, I was desperate to have that mother/dd relationship.
I've got 2dds and we are extremely close, (they are 21 and 24) I think that if I didn't have dds I would be so disappointed, but I'll never know will I?

I think a lot of times its other peoples disappointment.They didnt get the family they wanted so assume its the same for everyone.
I do find a lot of the time its just something to talk about and people generally are alright about it.You only ever get teh odd gobshite ,not everyone is like tht.

And i as a mam to 5 boys couldnt be happier.

I desperately wanted a girl and didn't want boys. It has actually stopped me wanting more DC as I am so happy with DD.

I think it's a huge responsibility to raise a boy. Most of the men in my life have been very "difficult", entitled and have made very poor partners. I think I would be harder on a boy. User friends with young boys already setting them up for this

For example, I don't worry about making DD responsible around the house as I feel like she has a lifetime of cleaning and cooking ahead of her, whereas a boy would be expected to help! Irrational? Maybe.

"User friends"?!? Autocorrect madness. They mostly aren't users

First child is a boy and I was happy either way. Second child is a boy, and I was disappointed, but overjoyed once he was born. Third child is a girl, and I was ecstatic. I DID NOT want any more boys. She is absolutely the apple of my eye, and the image of me. I would love to have another girl, but definitely no more boys.

I also had the fear about my sons ababdoning me, but that said my boyfriend is one of 3 boys (late 20s - 30s) and they are very close to their mum.

I had a preference for a girl. Don't really know why other than I just always imagined myself as a mother of girls and couldn't picture ME walking down the road hand in hand with a boy. I wouldn't have been disappointed if I'd had a boy just shocked as I was so convinced i was having a girl (despite exDP having only brothers and they both have only boys). We now have a DD!

I can't explain why the preference but like I said, it was more what I imagined rather than a preference.

My uncle on the other hand... Desperate for boys. They had two girls. My uncle (no word of a lie) did not speak to my auntie for THREE MONTHS after she had their second daughter. Ironic of course, as it's the man who determines the sex of the child! He obviously got over it but is obsessed with his new grandson.

I might've added that I'm not a girly girl and when I say that I couldn't imagine me walking down the road hand in hand with a boy I mean, when I thought about walking, holding hands with my child, it was always a girl in the way I saw it

I have one of each. I wanted two boys (I grew up with four brothers and I don't know why, but I felt 'unprepared' for a girl) but DD was born. I was and am totally in love with her.

I don't think I fall into the category of someone who's had gender disappointment though. My preference for a boy wasn't especially forceful.

I imagine there are all sorts of reasons why a woman may prefer a particular gender, childhood trauma, cultural bias, having had lots of one gender already. I'm sure only a very small minority of mothers continue to be disappointed or feel anything less than devotion to their child once it's born.

At the time,if I could have chosen, my first DC would have been girl. The moment DS1 was born I wouldn't have had it any other way. When I was pregnant with DS2 I secretly hoped for a boy.

This triggering business is getting ridiculous

Also this.

I agree that gender disappointment is usually aimed at boys. Lots of s.m.o.g ( smug mum of girls) who say that they'd hate to be a mum of boys at my playgroup. I'm a mum of girls but hate the negative attitude towards boys. I'd have been happy with both my husband is devoted to his mother. It's nonsense.

I'll be honest and say I have a slight preference for a boy. All of my immediate family are girls and most of my cousins are girls so I think it would be nice for there to be a boy in the family. I was desperate for a brother growing up, although I'm not sure why.

Again, when my sister was pregnant with her first I really wanted a nephew. When she told me it was a girl I'll admit I was really disappointed and I think it showed. I was over it in a few days though and started getting excited and went out and bought loads of dresses. Once she was born I loved her so much I felt really ashamed for initially being disappointed that she was a girl. My sister went on to have another girl and I didn't care that time round. I'll never have a nephew now and whilst it would have been nice to have one I never think about it now.

I don't think I will have children but I've always imagined myself with a boy. If I did have a girl though I know I would get over it quickly. I think it only becomes a problem if it's something you can't get over. What really annoys me is that my mum makes comments saying she feels sorry for women with boys and when someone announced she'd had a boy went on about how disappointed she must be and how all women want to have a girl.

you don't have to understand this OP...I didn't. I have 4 wonderful brothers and was the only Granddaughter out of 17...until I was 21 and both my uncles had a girl...People used to ask me what I was going to do when I grew up...and at 4 or 5 I said I'm going to be a mummy and I am going to have 4 girls..they had names and everything!!...I don't know why I had such strong feelings...I just did...pregnant with first..a boy...it was a millionth of a second of Oh you're a boy...God I love that child/man he is now...2nd pregnancy....I admit I was desperate...to the extent of telling myself it was a boy and not wanting to discuss the sex with anyone...after a traumatic/dramatic labour/birth...a girl! But you know what? I felt a bit flat and hollow for a while...it was like I'd wanted something so much and for so long..I use to tell people it was like a stone in my chest, this feeling of having a girl...now I had it I didn't understand why it had been so important...I got over that and have a lovely relationship with her...3rd pregnancy, I would have put money on having a girl...midwife predicted a girl, friends too..a Boy!...I will never know how I would have felt if I'd had 3 boys, my Mum said the whole family breathed a sigh of release when I had her...So even someone who had a life long preference, got what they had planned for as long as they can remember, doesn't understand why they had this overwhelming need/urge for a girl...It just was...

I was agnostic about gender (I'm male) but when DD appeared I was enormously pleased. Curious too, as I knew no girls growing up. Segregated playgrounds in primary, boarding school, etc.

Like anthropology, but without the bilharzia and cannibalism

I would have liked a daughter. I would have liked a second living child. I would have liked to experience parenting a child that wasn't severly disabled.
There is nothing wrong in feeling sadness about something you would have liked but didn't happen. What is wrong is going on about it in rl around people who have bigger things to deal with.

I remember being over the moon when told dc 1 was a dd at a scan....

I remember a slight feeling of disappointment when told at quite an early scan it was likely that dc 2 was a ds.

We lost ds a month later and I've always felt a slight guilt for not being ecstatic and sad that he wasn't meant to be here.

I don't think there is anything for you to not understand Op....you are talking about personal feeling and preferences....others probably don't 'understand' some of yours in life just because they are different?

My dd has two boys. I think she might have liked a girl second time but finds the experience of having two boys is wonderful. How could anyone be disappointed with a healthy baby, that is an unhealthy reaction imho. I had one of each but would have been delighted with a second boy.

I've just got a BFP after trying to concieve number 1 for 20 very long months. I'll be overjoyed with either!!