I have a duty to raise my sons as feminists. They're all still small but already it can be difficult against the forces of society.
Anyway, speaking about gender preference and gender disappointment:
As soon as I realised I might have children, I wanted three - BBG. By the time I was actually first pregnant it had become a fixation.
I had quite severe antenatal anxiety every time. When I went for my 20w scan, I truly believed that if DC1 turned out to be a girl, I would have to kill myself. I am not going to offer an explanation because it wasn't rational, but it was very, very real for me at that time.
At that scan we were warned that he might be seriously ill (soft markers for Edwards). Contrary to the expectations voiced on this thread, my thoughts were "we can cope with illness: at least he's a boy".
Similarly, with DC2 I still wanted a boy, although not as strongly - for logistical reasons a girl would have meant we would not have TTC#3 - and we were given scary news at the scan (bilateral renal pelvic dilation). Even as the consultant was organising additional scans and talking about transplants, I was thinking "at least he's a boy".
I've had proper bad news at scans too - mc, one of which mmc and traumatic. That hasn't meant I could abandon all my preferences the next time.
DC3 should have been a girl, according to the plan. I had to work hard after the scan to come round to the idea that I would never have a daughter, and the reasons I found helpful had to do with my experience and fears about how the world treats women.
It's not that I didn't want my DS3; more that I was giving up ideas of frocks-with-matching-bloomers and so on.
Nowadays, if people ask if I wanted a girl, I ask which DS I should have given up to have one.
I'll never have a girl, like I'll never do my first degree at Oxford, or marry the one who got away, or run away to join the circus. I can daydream about the idea without actually resenting or regretting my life, or wishing for change.