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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling mortified about this facebook post

194 replies

moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 17:30

background. We have 2ds aged 7 and 5. dh has a good job. His salary pays all the bills. I do a bit of party plan but mainly I am a sahm to 2 dc who are now at school. I have been toying with the idea of going back to work but dh didn't seem that keen. Well unless term time only.
I have lost 2 close family members in the last 18 months so I probably haven't been firing on all cylinders. Even so I generally manage to do housework etc during the week. Weekends involve any additional laundry such as swimming stuff and I iron on Sundays. During the week dh doesn't have to lift a finger. I do bedtime, cook and wash up etc. At weekends he does a few bits but I still do almost everything. It seemed like a fair split and I though dh agreed.
Anyway during half term I did various local thjngs with dc but also spent 2 separate days visiting siblings who live further away. As we lost our mum 5 months ago this is important.
Anyway I have been browsing facebook for work purposes and saw this post from dh.
So moody is off visiting her sister. So yet another day where nothing gets done in the house. Why can't she see that if we both do our jobs during the week than we can relax and spend time with kids at the weekend.
I am a little shell shocked. Aibu to be feeling mortified and hurt about this. Obviously need to have calm conversation later and ask him to delete.

OP posts:
sizeup · 25/02/2015 00:30

What the hell kind of person posts something so hideously disrespectful about their partner 5 months after they've lost their mum FFS?! I'm so sorry OP I am outraged on your behalf.

EstRusMum · 25/02/2015 00:51

I'd be a dick about it and would put the screenshot on fb with title "Guess who's single?"
TBF, after something like that marriage wouldn't be the same anymore. I wouldn't be able to forgive.
I'm wondering- maybe he wanted to put it in a group a'la "what men hate about their marriage" and instead put it on his page without realising it?

Bluecube1 · 25/02/2015 01:18

I have skimmed, but what jumped out at me was this. You are visiting your sister. Why should this mean nothing gets done in the house? Is he not able to look after things himself?

Callooh · 25/02/2015 06:20

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Callooh · 25/02/2015 06:22

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Choccybaby · 25/02/2015 06:41

Id be more worried that your kids are copying his behaviour rather than on the spectrum based on what you've written to be honest.
growing up in an environment where one partner so blatantly disrespects the other is not good for kids.

I think sending his mother a copy is a good idea (as long as she's not a complete loon who thinks you should happily take on the 50s houseslave role)

Groovee · 25/02/2015 06:48

That's so sad Moody, I am sorry you have a husband who only thinks off himself. He was probably miffed that he had to make his own tea.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, but glad you and your siblings have each other x

Elllimam · 25/02/2015 07:09

Hope you are ok. What a horrible thing for him to do. I agree with removing him from your Facebook or even just removing him as your husband on Facebook (as in still married but not married to him specifically).

middleagedbread · 25/02/2015 07:12

OP, so sorry to hear about your mum Sad Flowers. I have been in touch with my siblings a lot more since my dad died last November, I know exactly how much a comfort you will be getting from yours.

On the spectrum or not, your DH was being very unreasonable to post that comment in public and you can take comfort in the fact that it received no 'likes' or comments. I guess that no one else was impressed with it either. I further suggest that he's received a lot of negative feedback via text or calls from people who have seen the post suggesting he gets it deleted quickly before you see it, because he's a thick-brained, unfeeling twat to have posted it in the first place or words to that effect. He is probably worried now that you have seen the post. Good, he should be.

Crabstick · 25/02/2015 07:31

OP I'm a stay at home mum, if my DH wrote this I'd be going back to work to protect myself. In my eyes its totally unacceptable to even think this let alone write it on Facebook.

TheOddity · 25/02/2015 07:31

You know you need to get a job now don't you? This guy will never understand or respect what you do in the home even if he says he does later. Please get a job, I would not be the cleaner for this guy, never mind the wife.

EverySingleTime · 25/02/2015 07:47

What an arsehole. Hope you have given him a piece of your mind OP

chrome100 · 25/02/2015 09:15

Did he write this in PUBLIC? Did anyone comment? I can't imagine anyone I know writing something like that on Facebook, maybe in a private message.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 25/02/2015 09:23

Did he mean to be so rude? That's outrageous.

yoshipoppet · 25/02/2015 09:43

He called you 'the wife'? I hate that, it makes you seem like an object, a thing.
He really has been incredibly rude on so many levels, I'm not surprised you are fuming. Hope you get some space apart to sort this out in your head.

Prometheus · 25/02/2015 09:51

I'm still shocked by the comment in your OP that you want to go back to work but "DH not keen". Like you should give a shit whether he he is keen or not. It's your choice, not his.

Jackieharris · 25/02/2015 09:58

Arsehole!

And calling you 'the wife'. Misogynist alert.

He has no respect for you.

Get a job. Use after school care- my DC loved it.

You & DCs can do better.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 25/02/2015 10:20

This shows exactly how he sees you.

blendedfamilygrinch · 25/02/2015 10:29

Sorry OP. That would hurt & piss me off in equal measure.
It could be that he posted it in a moment of grouchiness at coming home to an empty house & has now realised what a twat he was sounded.
Or he could just be a twat.
Agree you need to tell him in no uncertain terms how that made you feel. Also to decide what you want to do now both dc are in school.
Good luck.

Jackie0 · 25/02/2015 11:10

Unbelievably hurtful op.
Don't doubt yourself or think for a minute your overreacting because you're not.
What a dick.
If he considers that to be an appropriate statement to make online I wonder how he talks about you in general.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 25/02/2015 12:53

I lost my DM end of last year, I have several siblings. I have just spent the morning with one of them, we are supporting each other through a difficult time. If my DH objected to that it would quite frankly be his tough luck. I am SAHM too, my DH does help a bit (is fond of hoovering!) so I am in a similar situation to you. I would be devastated if he said that publicly, or privately for that matter. YANBU, I hope you get the support you need to grieve for your DM, by the sounds of it that won't be forthcoming from your DH.

fermerswife · 25/02/2015 13:00

It is one thing for him to think that and say it to you in private so you can both air your grievances but to post it on facebook is just downright out of order. YANBU, most definately not, you need to have it out with him but I think the public betrayal is just awful and I would find it hard to move on from.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 25/02/2015 13:01

While the behaviour is obviously shitty... it does get tiresome to see people equating shitty behaviour with being on the spectrum.

For the record...

arsy behaviour does not equal must be on the spectrum, autistic, have AS

It would be truly helpful if people would take the time to educate themselves, rather than make blanket statements like that.

www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child

CaptainAnkles · 25/02/2015 13:02

I would've been very tempted to click 'Like' and comment, 'Thanks darling, it's always useful to be reminded that my place is in the house. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to do something other than housework. Hopefully you can forgive me one day. Love, The Wife (I ceased to have an actual name when I married you, apparently)

Artistic · 25/02/2015 13:06

As livid as you may be the best payback for you would be to go back to work full time & throw all the housework at his face.

There isn't even a word to describe what he's done. It's sheer betrayal in front of the whole world, apart from being an entitled selfish man who was clearly dissuading you from working only so that you'd be the housemaid for free!