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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling mortified about this facebook post

194 replies

moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 17:30

background. We have 2ds aged 7 and 5. dh has a good job. His salary pays all the bills. I do a bit of party plan but mainly I am a sahm to 2 dc who are now at school. I have been toying with the idea of going back to work but dh didn't seem that keen. Well unless term time only.
I have lost 2 close family members in the last 18 months so I probably haven't been firing on all cylinders. Even so I generally manage to do housework etc during the week. Weekends involve any additional laundry such as swimming stuff and I iron on Sundays. During the week dh doesn't have to lift a finger. I do bedtime, cook and wash up etc. At weekends he does a few bits but I still do almost everything. It seemed like a fair split and I though dh agreed.
Anyway during half term I did various local thjngs with dc but also spent 2 separate days visiting siblings who live further away. As we lost our mum 5 months ago this is important.
Anyway I have been browsing facebook for work purposes and saw this post from dh.
So moody is off visiting her sister. So yet another day where nothing gets done in the house. Why can't she see that if we both do our jobs during the week than we can relax and spend time with kids at the weekend.
I am a little shell shocked. Aibu to be feeling mortified and hurt about this. Obviously need to have calm conversation later and ask him to delete.

OP posts:
RestingFuckFace · 24/02/2015 19:13

Well, not only do we all think he is a wanker, but all of his facebook friends will now too.

Id be taking the kids and disappearing to family for a while to clear my head and make the tosser sweat.

You are grieving as well. What a cunt. I at least hope that he is usually far less cultish than that and its a one off.

If not, then please for fucks sake leave the bastard.

M00nUnit · 24/02/2015 19:14

If my husband ever humiliated me in public like that I would be absolutely furious. How dare he say that about his wife/mother of his children? Disgusting, childish, insensitive, nasty, rude behaviour.

scratchandsniff · 24/02/2015 19:21

What a cuntish thing to do.

Does he expect you to stay at home all half-term with 2 DC in case god forbid your household duties don't get done. Its a cowards way of telling you what he really thinks. If I saw that on a friends fb page I'd be thinking 'what a knob'!

I'd be livid with him.

BeckyBoo83 · 24/02/2015 19:22

What an absolute bastard! I'm so angry for you OP!! As of the second I read that message I would have unleashed hell on his sorry ass! He'd be lucky if his key even worked in the front door when he returned from his conference! Who does he think he is?? What a disrespectful, hurtful comment. Pack his bags and tell him to fuck off until he can treat you - his wife and the mother of his children - with the respect you deserve!

maddening · 24/02/2015 19:26

Tag yourself in at a solicitors.

Seriously though he is out of order! And if you want to go back to work then he does not get to dictate to you - he is a feckless twat.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2015 19:26

How hurtful! I would probably put a response right next to it (I'm not on FB so not sure I'm saying it right) that reads "Really, dear? We can discuss your 'issue' when you get home. I suggest you bring dinner with you as another thing I'm NOT doing is cooking tonight."

Is there any chance that he just has a really bad sense of what is appropriate and what isn't in a public forum? I mean, what I might grumble about regarding my husband to my best friend in private might not be something I'd complain about to a tableful of my friends at a lunch or dinner, IYSWIM.

Fluffyears · 24/02/2015 19:34

I would send hinted screenshot with the comment 'we need to talk about this, I not there simply to do housework I do have a life outside as well' then I'd go on strike let him see how much you do. As for family time ending early for ticking f1 qualifying not on my watch!

glenthebattleostrich · 24/02/2015 19:41

I'd be tempted to reply something like

I'm a stay at home parent, my job is to raise the children. When they are at school I keep the house running whilst you do nothing. If you are so concerned with spending time with the kids try doing bath or bedtime occasionally. If the lack of cleaning is bothering you please feel free to get of your lazy arse and do something about it. And thanks for the support whilst my family and I are dealing with our bereavement.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 24/02/2015 19:43

What a fuckwit! YANBU!!

Aeroflotgirl · 24/02/2015 19:46

I would do more than ask him to delete. I would rip him one and then some. Damage has been done, you have been publically humiliated, tbh that would be a dealbreaker. I wonder what else he's been saying about you on FB tgat you dident see.

SummerHouse · 24/02/2015 19:46

I would be tempted to reply.... So dh is off to the divorce courts. What a shame he chose to disrespect me on a public forum and so clearly takes for granted everything I do.....

lottiesatitagain · 24/02/2015 19:46

So sorry for you op. However this is often the case when one partner (usually the woman) does all housework, childcare, cooking etc. It becomes expected. Looking after two pre-schoolers is a full time job. Nannies are not expected to do all of the above. Just because your husband works does not mean he is entitled to put his feet up the entire time he is home. Running a house and rearing children is a joint effort.

PulpsNotFiction · 24/02/2015 19:49

I'd be posting a picture of a suitcase full of his stuff for that. Honestly.

What an absolute twat.

choubi · 24/02/2015 19:51

i would be ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED! And to be honest, I'm not sure I could get over it. I'd be packing his bags full of dirty shirts and telling him to fuck off.
I really feel for you op....must be an absolutely horrible feeling. I honestly can't believe someone could be so disrespectful to their wife and the mother of their children.
Whatever you do, stay strong and stand your ground - what he did was disgusting and there are no excuses for it.
I'm sending you BIG hugs! x

Idontseeanysontarans · 24/02/2015 19:51

Does his relationship status day 'Married To Moody' with the link to your FB page? Because I'm pretty certain that if you say nothing but just quietly defriend him it will take you off his relationship status. You keep your public dignity, he looks like even more of a total twat and a very strong message is sent to all of his friends and your mutual ones.
Then when he gets home give him both barrels.

momb · 24/02/2015 19:55

No-one liked or commented OP because they, like all of us, are stunned.
Your OP made me cry.
I guess that as it was several days ago FB won't be showing the time of day now but I presume he was drunk/late at night/not thinking clearly and behaving like a self-absorbed teenager. I think you need to have a discussion about what he really thinks of you and your relationship/division of labour.
There is no excuse for the FB post. None at all. Such a massive lack of respect.
MN doesn't do hugs but here is one anyway. (((( )))). YANBU.

fizzycolagurlie · 24/02/2015 19:55

YADNBU. It never ceases to amaze me how husbands can behave like such twonkish teenage boys, whatever their age (including my own!).

Callooh · 24/02/2015 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 24/02/2015 19:58

It's crap that he even thinks like this without feeling the need to voice his opinion on farce book. I'd be tempted to post a comment saying he has a letter at home from the 1950s, and they want him back.

no73 · 24/02/2015 20:01

I suggest you write down everything you do and I mean everything and write him a bill. I love the 'Womans Room' fairly old book but she did that. I think it must have been that book that instilled in me to never put up with the kind of shit a lot of husbands pull i.e. treating their wives like slaves rather than a partnership that is loving and kind.

FFS what an arsehole. I second going on strike, refuse to do his laundry, cooking etc.

strawberryangel · 24/02/2015 20:03

Change your relationship status to 'its complicated'.
Tag him in a picture of you burning his season tickets, with the comment, "helping dh spend more time with the kids"
Tag yourself at a solicitors, and a hotel.

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 24/02/2015 20:06

I think its more powerful NOT to comment. Maybe just 'like' it instead so everyone knows you have seen it but not come down to his level by further airing dirty laundry in public.

SummerHouse · 24/02/2015 20:07

Strawberry Grin

pipsqueak77 · 24/02/2015 20:08

No wonder there are already 120 replies to this post. I didn't get a chance to read them all but wholeheartedly agree with what I read... I would be absolutely FUMING. That's just ridiculous, calling you Moody is a horrid put down. Can't believe he did that publicly. I'd be tempted to type something back or share it and ask your friends to comment but that maybe makes you as petty as he has been. Take the higher road, it always helps in the end, even if you do feel like cutting his suits up and spitting in his Cheerios. My husband and I have major issues on a similar front, the house is never good enough for him even though I work and do pretty much everything in the house. I also get disrespected regularly, but those issues go on behind closed doors... if he EVER did that to me in public I'd rip him a new one. I'd prob go away for a week or so and let him see what happens when I'm not there to go it all. Of course that's no possible with kids in the house. I'd definitely feel like going in strike though!

whooshbangprettycolours · 24/02/2015 20:11

You do know that he's going to leave you high and dry one day don't you? Nothing happy ever happens when someone doesn't see their 'partner' on level terms. Go back to work and protect you and your kids from years of handouts in single parent land.