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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling mortified about this facebook post

194 replies

moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 17:30

background. We have 2ds aged 7 and 5. dh has a good job. His salary pays all the bills. I do a bit of party plan but mainly I am a sahm to 2 dc who are now at school. I have been toying with the idea of going back to work but dh didn't seem that keen. Well unless term time only.
I have lost 2 close family members in the last 18 months so I probably haven't been firing on all cylinders. Even so I generally manage to do housework etc during the week. Weekends involve any additional laundry such as swimming stuff and I iron on Sundays. During the week dh doesn't have to lift a finger. I do bedtime, cook and wash up etc. At weekends he does a few bits but I still do almost everything. It seemed like a fair split and I though dh agreed.
Anyway during half term I did various local thjngs with dc but also spent 2 separate days visiting siblings who live further away. As we lost our mum 5 months ago this is important.
Anyway I have been browsing facebook for work purposes and saw this post from dh.
So moody is off visiting her sister. So yet another day where nothing gets done in the house. Why can't she see that if we both do our jobs during the week than we can relax and spend time with kids at the weekend.
I am a little shell shocked. Aibu to be feeling mortified and hurt about this. Obviously need to have calm conversation later and ask him to delete.

OP posts:
redpickle · 24/02/2015 20:13

How much annual leave does your DH get in HIS job? Perhaps you should make yourself an annual leave form (remembering time off in lieu for housework done at weekends) and post that on sodding Facebook

YANBU

DrCoconut · 24/02/2015 20:13

You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Angry is more like it.

ChipDip · 24/02/2015 20:14

Pipsqueak Moody is the op username. He didn't call her moody. Anyway that doesn't make him less awful for doing this.

redpickle · 24/02/2015 20:15

How much annual leave does your DH get in HIS job? Perhaps you should make yourself an annual leave form (remembering time off in lieu for housework done at weekends) and post that on sodding Facebook

YANBU

pipsqueak77 · 24/02/2015 20:17

Oh thanks chipdip, my chin got the floor thinking he's referred to her as moody. Doesn't make it any better tho. I'd still cut his bollocks off with a rusty spoon.

CrapBag · 24/02/2015 20:23

Oh no. Nothing new to add but had to add my "what an utter utter fuck wit he is" to the chorus.

I seriously wouldn't be able to get past this. Plus the fact that his weekends get spent going to football and a family day was cut short for the fucking grand prix! Wtaf!

Did he seriously think you wouldn't see this? Or was it his PA way of letting you know he disapproves of the little woman being out of the home? I can't honestly see how he thought you'd miss this.

Do you know what your next move will be? Can you stay where you are for a bit longer, don't bother telling him.

I'd have to very publically let him know I was aware of his shitty status.

Does he have for for this? I am a sahm and dh works full time and he mainly checks his brain at the door which drives me mad but he still baths the kids, does the dishes and diy and doesn't fuck off out for hours on end at weekends. Working doesn't mean he gets to be an utterly lazy fucker at home.

Original poster
moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 20:28

He does do diy tbf and maybe cooks and washes up one meal per weekend. However, attitude and public nature stinks. Makes me wonder whether he is slighly on the spectrum as ds1 is showing signs too. Not that this excuses it.

OP posts:
Original poster
moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 20:32

about 25 days

OP posts:
HexBramble · 24/02/2015 20:36

He has disrespected you.

What are you going to do about it?

CrapBag · 24/02/2015 20:36

That's not a lot though. So out of 30/31 days a month, he cook for 4 and does diy which I'm guessing is very occasional.

Even if he was on the spectrum, I wouldnt say it has anything to do with this. I honestly think he was hoping you would see it and it's a PA way of letting you know he thinks you aren't doing a good job of looking after the family and home. He probably thought people would like or validate his shitty attitude.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/02/2015 20:45

Spectrum or not (my dd has ASD btw), there is no excuse to publically humiliate you, and to make look shit in front of both your friends.

SolomanDaisy · 24/02/2015 20:46

Every person who read that will have thought he was a twat. Because he is.

diddl · 24/02/2015 20:51

"Why can't she see that if we both do our jobs during the week than we can relax and spend time with kids at the weekend."

That is just so bloody patronising.

Hey Mr Moody, how about you cut your wife some slack & do some of "her"Hmm jobs for a while.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 24/02/2015 20:55

This is awful. Does he just view you as a skivvy? There to attend to his every need and look after the DC. No wo wonder he doesn't want you to work.

Awful awful. What a grade A twat.

thatsucks · 24/02/2015 20:58

Strawberry's post was spot on!

So sorry for you OP. You must feel so dejected and angry right now.

You know him - will he understand why you are so upset and outraged by this attitude and apologise? Does he generally have the attitude that you are there to serve him? What do you want to do?

TheMumsRush · 24/02/2015 21:01

I may have missed it but how did he think you wouldn't see that?

wannabestressfree · 24/02/2015 21:36

I would congratulate him on his post and thank him for missing football for the next month so you can spend time with your family. How thoughtful!
I would also change your relationship status to 'it's complicated'.
Nasty twat. Don't blame 'the spectrum' though. I have two ASD children and they wouldn't post crap on Facebook.

TendonQueen · 24/02/2015 21:37

Everyone's said it already but that is shitty. And he is a bone idle crap dad for spending so little time with his DC. Never does bedtime or bathtime? Well he's clearly not that bothered. I suspect 'family time' = 'time when everything fits around me and my needs'. I would hide the season ticket right now and only 'find' it when he shows some remorse. Plus I'd make it a condition of the relationship continuing that from now on you get a matching afternoon off on your own every time he attends a football match.

Original poster
moodymargaret78 · 24/02/2015 21:38

I guess he wanted me to see it. I am going to facebook mess screenshot. Tell him I am really angry and hurt right now and suggest he goes to his mums for a few days. Perhaps email it to her too as she is not on facebook.Than switch all phones off and go to bed. Really can't speak to him right now. Original post now removed btw. Maybe someone has had a word but it has been there since Friday.
Actually I am now thinking in a strange way he is jealous of my relationship with my siblings. We are close even though we are not close geographically.

OP posts:
TheMumsRush · 24/02/2015 21:47

Just block his number until you are ready to speak to him, you can still receive calls from others then (assuming you have an iPhone). He may well be jealous but that's not an excuse. Hope your ok OP

pipsqueak77 · 24/02/2015 22:17

Hope you ok Moody. I know that horrible gut twisting feeling you've prob got right now all too well. I do think time apart sometimes helps. I asked for that last time DH and I had a "biggun". He lives a mile away from his family but I'm 3 hours from mine so I asked for space to do some thinking. It does help (once you've calmed down). I'm struggling with similar issues and haven't found a solution yet but I find when I'm calm and strong, my point comes across a lot better. When I get upset and teary he says here comes the waterworks and legs it out of the house. So stay calm and strong, hold your grind and make him understand that you won't tolerate that kind of disrespectful behaviour. It's hard when you feel you can't rely on the person who is meant to be your best friend.

vladimpaler · 24/02/2015 22:59

Just an alternative view: To put it on FB, where you are bound to see it, he is either an absolute bonehead, or he did it on purpose to try and get your attention about something. No idea what (if anything) it might be; but if it were me, I would try to keep calm and get to the bottom of this to see if there is anything deep seated the matter with him. If there is not, then I guess kicking his ass for being a thoughtless idiot would be justified. Either way, wafting dirty washing like this in public is not right.

UmizoomiThis · 24/02/2015 23:18

I don't understand - are you not his "friend"on FB? If yes, then he knows the post will be on your newsfeed.

So, he MEANT for you to see it.

That's why no one is commenting on it, it's a dig at your spouse and a public FB argument.

LittleBairn · 24/02/2015 23:41

Being on the spectrum is an excuse my Aspergers DH would never behave in this way.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/02/2015 00:13

He still has his mum does he? My guess would be that he has no empathy or understanding of what you are going through emotionally & cannot see why you need to spend more time with your siblings just now.

All he seems to be feeling is an annoyance that his staff member is (in his eyes) underperforming in her duties.

This is how an unfeeling boss treats his or her staff (and even then, NEVER on FB!) NOT how a husband should treat his wife, his equal partner in life!

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