Friend said this was pfb

[holidayroad]

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

I know a few outstanding schools that get yr6 pupils helping show rounds. Great experience for the kids and you get a chance to ask what it's like from their pov. Great idea

OP, I take it you put the catchment school down, but as number 5 of 5? Because you should get in this way, the school does not know if they were 1st or 5th choice. If you are too far away from the other oversubscribed schools you are unlikely to get in. If you did not put the catchment school in, you might want to start thinking about your options (go private? in-year admissions?) soon. Good luck.

Always best to include a dead cert school as one of your options, so that you don't get allocated an undersubscribed school miles away if you don't get into the other options.

op said it was their catchment school but 'it is out'. fingers crossed this means they put it last but it sounds more like they didnt put it at all

tiggytape explains how it works really well OP - you are taking a risk by not including the local school somewhere in your list of preferences.

We were fortunate that the school that impressed us was also our catchment school.

I still don't see what is so terrible about requesting a second look though.

I work at a very large maintained nursery school. We have parents who've never set foot in the place knocking our door down to register their babies for when they turn 3, based on our reputation, but the Head insists they come in for a chat & viewing (no more than 2 families at a time & usually 121) before registering.

I guess I'm just lucky that that seems to be the norm where we are.

Has the OP come back?

I doubt if she will come back now. She was being a bit smug at one point and the whole thread moved from whether she was unreasonable or not to the fact that she's potentially fucked up big time.

Wyrd I would be really unimpressed if every time I went into DS's school to help out with reading I saw that there were parents there being given a tour. It is a big school, 3 form intake - last year 215 families put the school down as one of their choices. How exactly can you facilitate private visits for even half that number of families without it seriously interrupting the school day for existing pupils?

You can't, of course - I'm not suggesting a complete free for all, but we are probably talking about a minority of parents who would want a second visit & may have good reason for that.

We offer 3 sessions, twice a week for visits which are guided by one of 3 members of staff. If parents are working & it's impossible for them to make one of those times, we will arrange an alternative.

Similarly, when DD started school, they set aside two days for parent visits, but allowed us to come back a second time as it was impossible for my DH to come in normal hours.

The new head did group visits last year where the parents were shown round by Yr 5 & 6 pupils. The head didn't greet them & wasn't available if they had questions. I know of at least one family who were put off as a result and tbh I'm not surprised.

It's the very opposite of PFB actually, isn't it? Because you've allowed a combination of a childish strop and a misunderstanding of school admissions to severely hinder your DC's chances of getting into a school of your preference. You should have spent the time saved from not having a second visit on reading the admissions rules.

I am beginning to feel a little sorry for the OP now. She did come across as a bit smug, a little you'll-have-try-harder-than-that-if-you-want-MY-CHILD but she's more than paid for it, although she won't know for sure yet.

Its not entirely her fault. She could've and should've sought advice but the word "choice" is misleading when in many oversubscribed areas its really more a case of take what you are given and hope its not dire.

YABVU seriously you are not going to put a catchment school done because they refuse you a second visit and didn't make you feel wanted?!

the mind boggles.

down not done.

I do feel for the OP too, although she might have put the catchment school at No 5 so might be ok. They should call it "preference" not "choice" to avoid those misunderstandings.

I have seen a few examples of this from our nursery, parents putting down 4 or 5 fabulous schools that they did not get into and not wanting to "waste" a slot on the application form for an insurance option catchment school often led to ending up in a failing school three bus rides away.

Pfb in the extreme. Go private if you want to be given special treatment. Visiting five schools sounds ridiculous to me. If this is how you are before your child starts school how much of a pest will you be when she's actually there. I have friends who work in schools and you sound like their worst nightmare.
Sorry but can't be arsed with people who expect special treatment.

reni - yes. Every year people think that they can game the system somehow. That only putting down great schools will ensure that they get one of their choices. That putting down the same school five times will make sure you get it and that the official advice it won't is only for those 'not in the know'. I try and put people right, but sometimes they won't hear you, will they. And for the OP, whatever she has done is now too late to change.

Best advice fro the OP now - assuming she has not put her DC down for a school that they are likely to get into and thus is destined for a school everyone else avoids - is to start looking at the process of in-year applications and/ or private schools.

I guess though private school places are fast filling up too?

Reni1 in our LA booklet etc it's very specifically says preference not choice. All on line advice sources make this clear. I still however know highly intelligent parents who think that only putting outstanding schools down will force the LA to give them one. Three people I know lost out this way. Two ended up at RI school miles away and one went private.

Yes, Cartoon and Penguin, it is amazing how many people do this. Booklet should read like this:

"Put your school choices in order 1-5 as follows:

1. School you want so badly you'd happily cover their lunch shift for a year/ fake a religion/ pay anything to get in
2. Super school, almost certain not to get in
3. Very good or super school, outside possibility of getting in
4. Good or very good school, 50:50 chance to get in
5. Good enough to not home school instead, but dead cert admission"

Otherwise, either pay for a prep school education or steel your little petal for the roughest school in special measures where supply teachers just about plod along; in a neighbouring borough of course.

Wow, thanks for the flaming

Thanks also to the very many of you who agree I am NBU. I just want what's best for my DD.

Applications closed in January so it's just a case of waiting til April to find out, but I am confident she will be accommodated at one of the other schools.

And we get three choices here, not five!

She won't be 'accommodated'. Either she will fill the admission criteria and qualify for a space or she won't. No child is 'accommodated' simply because of the choices they put on their form.

We all want what's best for our children, op. But as pps have said, surely what's best is that the staff in the school are free to concentrate on educating our children and not constantly showing people round.