Friend said this was pfb

[holidayroad]

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

Bonkers, all of it. Can't imagine what the OPs DH thinks of it all.

Imagine what her dd will think of it in a few years time.

I assumed she had been offered something not on her list as she hadn't included any catchment schools.

RESULTS DAY!

What happened???

oh missed all the responses above somehow

I live in the North West, DS started at an over subscribed school last year. ONE place came free before the start of the school year, I happen to know the person 2nd on the list and they still haven't had any signs of a place coming up. Nobody has left the year at all.

It is highly unusual for anyone to join the school in Fs/ks1 (other than at the start of reception) as places just don't come up.

OP - please don't cut of your nose to spite your face. If you turn down the place then the LEA aren't obliged to do anything to help you get a place elsewhere. Accept the place you have and then if really not happy look at going onto the waiting lists for other schools.

OP - you were told that you wouldn't get in the school. Didn't belive anyone, somehow thought that hte process would bypass all known rules and somehow "Know" that your child is more precious than any other, so therefore should allocate your child in front of any other in the whole area. Sorry that didn't work out for you.

Despite being told that this wouldn't happen, and despite the actual proof of the pudding being no allocation, you still think you can somehow 'beat the system' by 'playing the game'? How could you possibly think this?

In your imagined game, she still won't magically get into your choice of school even by May, unless she is the top 1 or 2 on the waiting list (unlikely). And even then it's not guaranteed! It's just she standsa better chance of getting a place in the preferred school.

I trust you have at least checked where she is on the list?

Also if you need help drafting an appeal letter, I'm sure lots of MNers can help and have lots of experience.

Also, are you going to home educate her until a place at the school becomes available? What if that isn't until she's 10? What if she's 54 on the list and it will never happen?

Also, if you don't accept the place at the offered school, someone else will. You know. The person who is on the waiting list???

Then you'll be stuck, with no place at offered school, no place at catchment school. You might end up ferrying your child to school miles and miles away!

Or home educating child?

I live in the north west (ChW) and I'm afraid I agree with everybody.

I would very strongly advise accepting the place if there is any way at all of getting her there. Rejecting every offer means the LA can wipe their hands of you and you will be in limbo.

Get on every waiting list - they're independent of each other so it doesn't matter how many - but be aware they aren't held indefinitely. IIRC schools can dump the waiting list at Christmas if they choose, and given how little movement there is here after the private school places are confirmed, why would they go to the trouble of maintaining it? In any case you won't automatically be on any waiting list so that's job one.

The Christmas deadline makes your May birthday (and therefore not being obliged to HEd in the meantime) possibly irrelevant. Work to do here to find out the facts.

It's a real shame you weren't in a position to take advice before you had to submit your application. It appals me that you can only find out this crucial information by osmosis. Every application pack should spell out in black and white the implications of (a) not listing a school you are likely to get into, (b) not using all your choices, etc.

Open days are disruptive and a bit unnerving. It's like being in a goldfish bowl. One visit is enough.

"It's a real shame you weren't in a position to take advice before you had to submit your application. It appals me that you can only find out this crucial information by osmosis. Every application pack should spell out in black and white the implications of (a) not listing a school you are likely to get into, (b) not using all your choices, etc."

True,

However OP came on here and got told exactly how the process works and what would happen. However, she chose to ignore that so what makes you think she would listen to the information if it was sent out?

What you don't realise is this; her child is Precious and silly things like rules don't apply to this family unit, because they are experts at playing The Primary Allocation Game

I am actually beginning to feel sorry for you and sad for your DD. All her little friends starting school... can you home educate?

I guess the eye rolling at the catchment school who could not accommodate a 2nd viewing seems silly now.

Do find out how long waiting lists are and ask how much mobility the school has.
Some children have been offered places and won't take it.
Some will go to a private school but parents edged their bets and applied for LA school too.
Some will move etc etc...
So hopefully your DD will rise up the list quickly.

I hope it works out ok for your daughter.

OP came on here too late though, way after the deadline.

I agree it is hard to figure out all this stuff yourself though, I remember how stressed I was. It does give the children of well informed and reasonably intelligent people an advantage. Many people don't enlighten others at nurseries etc for fear of competition for the same school places.

Reni - yes she did post late, but, information given in a timely manner or not, she still would have Played The Game®

001. I do feel for OP and her dd though, what an awful situation to be in.

OP, have you found out the implications of not sending your DD to your allocated school? Sounds like you really need to do this before announcing you're not sending her until the term after she's 5. Do you know if they will even keep her place open? If you refuse the place, what happens? You would be very foolish not to be 100% clear of the implications.

Have you looked into the criteria for getting a place at the schools you want to wait for? If the last spaces were allocated to siblings, then you're likely to be waiting ages as there are bound to be first born children in catchment waiting who will rank above you on the waiting list (if you're out of catchment). You need to know this so you know your rough chance of getting a place.

Sadly you've made a massive error not putting your catchment school as one of your 'choices' (apparently only because they wouldn't give you a second private look around). You should have found out how places were allocated last year at the schools you chose, because you probably would have seen that you didn't stand much of a chance if they're over subscribed. This is what you must do now before blindly assuming you'll get in via the waiting list before May

It is a shame for her DD - she is the one that will miss out in a way.

I don't feel bad for OP, just because of the smugness of it all.

Op, do you actually understand that if you turn the offer down, the LA will consider their obligation to you to be fulfilled?? They will not come along with an alternative that you might find more palatable, you're on your own now
You are of course free to go on as many waiting lists as you choose, but not having a school place through your own actions will not give you higher priority on any of them.
Stop trying to play games. This is not a game.

Seriously, OP, have a think about what it will mean to keep your DD out of school for two or more terms. She will be the oldest in nursery with all her friends having moved on. When she does start school, she will have missed out on two terms' teaching and will be playing catch-up. In our area, it used to be that summer born children started in the Spring term, and the teachers in later years always reckoned that they knew which the summer born children without checking their birthdays, because they tended to find everything that bit more difficult.

A place will only come up at one of your preferred schools if either someone doesn't take up a place or they leave within the first year, and if you are sufficiently near the top of the waiting list. Trust me, very few children change schools in their first year.

So please think about taking whatever place you have been offered, for your DD's sake.

All this angst over choosing a primary school has me rolling my eyes. Yes it's important to select the right school for your child but to be honest as long as the school isn't seriously shit, your child is reasonably intelligent and they have good parental support
At home then they will do well. It's really not the life or death decision you are making it out to be.

I do wonder Madge. I was super nervous, we got first choice, but most of the people who got a random school they didn't want ended up liking it and staying there!

001 - I very carefully said "not in a position to", from which you may infer what you like.

It's entirely possible that someone reading a similar thread between applying and the closing date might think "hmm, shit, better stick Closest School down in last place just in case Leafy Outstanding and Miles Away don't have extra classes after all".

And I maintain it is unfair that you have to "just know" how the system works to have the best chance.

All I can say is that if you think Primary allocations are bad, then wait until Secondary!!!

holiday I am in n west. I am assuming a conurbation as you had 5 schools nearby. I think its a shame that you thought you genuinely had a choice of school and turned down a perfectly good school for a frankly spurious reason. The local authority will have a bunch of parents every year who think they can 'hold it to ransom' by saying 'if I can't get my dd in this school she won't go anywhere so sort it'. As long as LA has offered a school they can say 'ok, good luck with that'. I have seen parents not get a reception place in favoured school still waiting in year 3. My friend has moved practically next door to a favoured school; her son has been waiting for a place there since end of year 1 and is now in year 3. He has a better chance of moving before end of primary as his sister has now got a reception place so he will jump up to top of year 3 wait list as a sibling...but I think he will still have a long wait ahead. Accepting the school place offered won't affect her chance of being offered off the waiting list in a preferred school. They don't offer first to people refusing any other school. Please be told. I feel sorry for your dd, being denied the chance to have school friends in her street and being part of the community of kids locally, being unable to walk to school with the kids down the road when she gets old enough, and now being kept out of any education in the hopes you can 'beat the system', all because you took umbrage at not being given special privileges in a second look round.

I live in the NW.
My school accepted 35 reception children, this included 1 Sen and 21 siblings so just 13 spaces for everyone else, they rejected 27 others. That's 27 sets of parents that didn't get what they wanted. There are 33 primary schools in my borough. Only 2 are undersubscribed.