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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said this was pfb

400 replies

holidayroad · 24/02/2015 14:17

I was talking to my friend the other day, she asked what schools I put down for my DD's primary school admission (she starts reception in September).

The schools near me are all oversubscribed and we have visited 5 of them. I explained that we had struggled to narrow down our choice after visiting the first 5, so arranged to visit them all again just before the closing date.

One school refused to allow us a 2nd visit - now I appreciate that it is a big school and a lot of parents want their DC to go there, but I used their refusal to allow us a 2nd visit as a basis to rule that school out as I feel if they are not prepared to go above and beyond for us on the selection basis then they cannot possibly be the best school for my DC.

My friend has DC at this school and said I was being ridiculously pfb to expect them to arrange a 2nd visit.

I think this is too important a decision to be taken lightly.

So over to you, who is BU?

OP posts:
Crossfitmyarse · 16/04/2015 10:52

YABU. I think outside of open days, one visit is more than enough. They have jobs to be getting on with and it's not like they have to tout for your business, if it's an over-subscribed state school anyway.

Purplepixiedust · 16/04/2015 11:01

I would contact the school(s) you want and ask what the chances are of your DD getting in mid year i.e. If someone leaves. A friend did this with secondary when she didn't get a place for her DS straight off. Not that many parents were prepared to move their children mid year so it worked for them. In the meantime her DS went to the non-preferred school.

reni1 · 16/04/2015 11:05

Yes to calling the school, also ask how often places become available, if you find out you are No 47 on the waiting list and usually 1 child leaves per year, waiting is not an option. Your place on the waiting list will fluctuate depending on who moves closer to the school than you are etc and you do not move up the list with time.

meditrina · 16/04/2015 11:06

The NW of England has the same laws and regulations about school admissions as the rest of England, and some on this thread are extremely well qualified to comment.

That all your preferences were oversubscribed is information from you, during the application process; and that your allocated place was not one of those is also information from you. I really can't see any sign of misunderstanding from posters.

What happens next is laid down by the Admissiins Code, which has the force of law. No exceptions for the NW.

You need to find out where you are on the waiting lists for the schools you prefer. You need to consider asking to be added to the waiting list of any others you like better than your current allocated school.

You need to realise that rejecting the allocated school makes zero difference to the process by which you would be allocated a different place, and that there is no duty to offer you another.

You can accept the undesirable place and defer, in the hope something better comes up.

You can be prosecuted if your DC is not in education by the term after they turn 5.

Separately, have you got the full rejection letter, or a shorter email with allocation only? You will need to check to see if there are grounds for appeal (eg you are correctly in cat 6 (or whatever number) as non-catchment non-sibling. Children were admitted from cat 6, greatest distance 500m. You live 400m. Potential mistake in applying published criteria).

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 16/04/2015 11:11

YABU. The whole thing is ridiculous and farcical. Most primary schools provide a perfectly good education- why can't we go back to everyone sending their kid to one of the nearest schools? All of this choosing the best school in a 20 mile radius is stupid. If all kids went to a school near them,then they could, gasp, walk! Mind you, them we're back to the situation of idiot parents actually moving house to be near a 'good' school. Gah! It's not a game!

gamerchick · 16/04/2015 11:11

OP things have panned out exactly the way you were told. Please come back and say you're not going to reject the place you've been offered in the hope that sitting tight will get what you want. There are obviously knowledgeable people who can help you with appeals and whatnot.

reni1 · 16/04/2015 11:13

Listen to meditrina, OP. Maybe you can add her name to the catchment school you initially rejected, you should be high on their waiting list?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 16/04/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyGanoush · 16/04/2015 11:21

OP would (could) you consider private?

Flissypix · 16/04/2015 11:28

I would say YNBU I felt the same with my dd I wanted a school that was happy to be flexible and welcoming. I had 2 or more visits at all schools and the ones that wouldn't allow it IMO were schools that didn't have the same community/open door feeling that I wanted. However I was pretty much guaranteed a place in at least one of the schools. Not sure I would have been so picky if I would have been without knowing that.
I can't understand what your friend has got to do with anything though,or why people are saying she was restrained. I have good friends who didn't send their child to our school because they preferred another and one who didn't like our school at all. We didn't put down the school that the majority of friends dds went to because I really hated the whole place its not a personal insult its just choice and preference.
OP I hope you manage to get a school place as well.

var123 · 16/04/2015 11:31

I suspect that the OP considers that the LEA has an obligation to educate her child, and that they can't oblige her to send her child anywhere she does not agree to?

Its a common misconception. The 2nd part is correct but the first should be qualified by adding that the LEA has fulfilled its obligations by offering the OP's DC a place at a school. After that, its up to the OP what she does, just as long as she provides an education for her DC.

(Unless the OP lives somewhere that isn't subject to the same laws as the rest of the country e.g. the Isle of Man??)

reni1 · 16/04/2015 11:33

Flissypix the evidence is in and it turns out OP's actions were unreasonable, her dd hasn't got a place at a good school because OP failed to apply to the only school she had a realistic chance of getting into because she was in a huff.

workhouse · 16/04/2015 11:49

OP is the nearest "difficult" school a good school? If it is you are being ridiculous if you don't mind me saying.

It is only primary!! make your life easy, send her to a decent close school, where you she can have local playmates, and save your energy for secondary schools, where it really matters.

Gubbins · 16/04/2015 11:53

Oh dear. Sorry you didn't get a place, but it's a good learning process for anyone who has yet to go through the process.

How the school choses to arrange visits should have ben of no consideration at all. It's a shame you placed a higher priority on that than the benefits to your child of being at her local school, with all her friends within walking distance. And now you're focussing on winning 'the game' rather than thinking of how starting late will mean she will have to break into established friendship groups.

AugustaGloop · 16/04/2015 11:55

I bet your friend is feeling a bit of schadenfreude (sp?) now

oddfodd · 16/04/2015 11:58

Unfortunately workhouse, the OP has shot herself in the foot. It's too late. Appealing on the grounds that she was being a bit silly probably isn't going to wash

Summerisle1 · 16/04/2015 12:03

Might I suggest that the private sector is more likely to deal with your demands meet your needs better?

Only it would appear that your desire for state schools to model themselves on the independent sector has actually shot you in the foot.

glidingpig · 16/04/2015 12:06

OP, when you applied you were confident that one of the schools you'd applied for would "accommodate" your child. It didn't pan out like that, you haven't got a place you want. Now you're confident something else will come up. Posters on this thread have said a lot of stuff you probably didn't want to hear, but so far their predictions have been right and yours have been dead wrong. In your shoes I'd be starting to take the advice here a bit more seriously.

AugustaGloop · 16/04/2015 12:10

I would put your dd's name down on the waiting list for the catchment school asap (assuming that is not the one you got).
Do you know how much movement there tends to be in your area after allocation day? eg might it be the case that some children who have places at schools you like will end up going private?
Where I live there is a fair amount of movement (both due to people leaving the area and due to private schools) so if you are high up on the waiting list for a school there is a decent chance of getting in.

My DN was second on the waiting list for DB's preferred school and did not get a place as there was simply no movement after allocation day. it is not an area with private schools and has a static population. They are happy with where she ended up though.

PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 16/04/2015 12:12

You do realise that parts of the north west have fierce competition for schools. The Didsbury and Cheadle areas are ridiculously competitive as there just isn't enough places for the children and some are being gig places in other local less desirable schools.

Equally there are other parts (trafford) where parents move specifically for the school places and so they won't move area until the child is secondary. You tend to get less movement of schools because of this. Seriously lots of people have experience of North West schools and all the advice given so far still stands.

I am massively intrigued as to which area and school it is.

Which school did they offer OP? Is private an option?
Please accept the place offered and appeal and go on the waiting list for your preferred school.

This way if there is a gap in our preferred school you will still be eligible for the place if the criteria fits, but your DC will not be without a school place.

Just a reminder if you do go on the waiting list you need to confirm and check you are still on it every six months.

PsychopathOnTheCyclepath · 16/04/2015 12:15

I made lots of errors in my epically long post - I hope it still makes sense, even if it doesn't read very well!

gruber · 16/04/2015 12:19

What glidingpig said.

workhouse · 16/04/2015 12:30

Well we don't know which school was offered though do we? It might have been the nearest and the OP is turning it down.

Round here, in North London, people breath a sigh of relief if they get a "good" school, they aren't picky about details like open days.

reni1 · 16/04/2015 12:36

OP, please show this thread to someone you trust in RL.

I can't believe you actually failed to grasp how badly you screwed up and you seem to prepare to make things worse for your dd's education.

oddfodd · 16/04/2015 12:37

OP has already said she hadn't put the catchment school down because it wouldn't give her a private visit.

I don't live in London any more but even round here, competition for schools is fierce. Not putting your child down for the catchment school seems utterly pig-headed to me.