to not feed my ds someone else's breast milk.

[PotatoLetters]

Ds is mixed fed. Yesterday my friend offered to defrost some of her bm if I ran out of formula. Aibu to not want to feed him this?

Ps I know it was well intended. Not bitching about her offering, just questioning my response.

My point makes perfect sense thanks you Piper....

Yanbu. Makes me go squee

Guilty ....that's really interesting regarding the testing of Hiv....I read an article about the statistics of undisclosed cases I wondered if this still occurs.

But no one who finds its squeamish or icky has answered why exactly.

Only1 how can you be squeamish about your children drinking human breast milk but not cows Breast milk? It doesn't make sense unless you are anti-cows milk too?

Plenty of people have.

I drink and eat cows milk daily as does almost the entire population.

I don't however regularly consume bodily fluids from humans for all the reasons mentioned.

The idea of feeding my son someone else's unscreened, unregulated breastmilk is 'icky' and makes me squeamish because it's someone else's body fluids and he has no need for it. It is wholly unnecessary to risk things like HIV when formula is readily available as an alternative source of nutrition. That is why it makes me feel icky and squeamish.

Donor breastmilk that has been screened and tested, from a milk bank, on the other hand gives me no such feelings of ick.

Ditto cows milk. It's been tested and is from a reliable source.

I would use screened breast milk but I'm afraid I wouldn't use breast milk offered by a friend. Purely because it is a body fluid from someone else and it's unscreened. Simple as that

I've given up reading the thread, tired of the vitriol. I am confused by a couple of things. In the area I live pregnant women are routinely offered HIV testing. This is not "for statistics" (except the "did you offer everyone HIV testing" statistics) but actual screening to find out if they have HIV to try to prevent vertical transmission. I have both been tested in both of my pregnancies and seen lots of patients maternity notes with their test results in them. I do not live in a high prevalence area. I'd be surprised if this wasn't a countrywide policy.

I think maybe we have different definitions of friend. I know whether or not my friends are taking medication. I know what their sexual preferences are, and the state of their relationships. Obviously I can't be 100% sure they aren't HIV positive, but I can be pretty sure. As sure as I can be of many other risks I choose to take.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but... I would (and have) feed another persons baby if they wanted me to and would allow my child a friends breast milk, directly from the source if that was what was available and they needed milk. It doesn't bother me.

I reckon with most of my friends I know as well whether or not they have a blood borne disease as I do about myself, in that I know them almost as well as I know my DH.

Sorry fed not feed. Am illiterate fool as well as crazy hippy.

I would use screened donor milk of milk from a trusted friend over formula any day. One of my DTs needed a small top up shortly after birth, am still disappointed we were refused donor milk. Since then have donated large amounts to local milk bank and to an individual family. I'd prefer if my babies ever needed milk to have it from bottle/cup rather than direct from the source, but would still prefer a wet nurse to formula for a young baby.
Have been asked to nurse a friends baby if need arose, and would be happy to do so, I think!

Ffs Piper....I wouldn't be squeamish feeding my own dc from my own Breasts....

I just would choose not to give them unscreened BM from a 'friend' or anyone else for that matter....

Others on this thread have expressed a similar view....however you keep questioning me?

I mix feed partly due to crap breast milk supply. So most afternoons ds will be yowling at an empty boob so I give him a few oz of formula. The other day I was at my friends house and I gave him some formula out of a small ready made bottle and she said if I ran out she had bm in the freezer. It's definitely not out of date as her baby is tiny and new (unless it's milk from her older child!!) My baby is also quite young so obviously I want to be more careful with bugs etc as he won't have great immunity.

There are some interesting ideas to think about here. I don't feel icky about drinking cows milk so my reaction to this is silly, however the risk of disease is a major issue for me.

I once tried my own. I even think that's weird.

YANBU. Don't get me wrong, I think breastmilk is awesome bordering on magical, but I wouldn't feed someone else's to my child. Who knows what that other person has consumed, smoked, bathed in, been infected by. It may not be a medically sound opinion but it just feels 'yuck' to me.

YANBU - it would feel wrong for me too. It is such an intimate thing and takes the 'breast is best' argument a step too far for me (and I do hold that view). As others have said, you can't be sure that the milk is not contaminated in any way. There have been a few comments about cow's milk coming from dirty animals - can I remind them that the milk we consume is not straight from the udder but has gone through a rigorous pasteurisation process prior to consumption?!

Only1 because you haven't answered the question - you said even if it was screened you wouldn't feed it to your children, but why? Because it's not that you have a problem with giving milk from another body - just not a human body?

Like I said, I get not wanting unscreened donor milk but I don't get it that people wouldn't feed their child screened breastmilk

I haven't read through so im replying to the origimal question.

I get you completely, I've never understood it!

To me it's a very personal thing.

This is such an interesting question. My DD was a nightmare when it came to latching on and so I expressed and bottle fed her. When I had DS twins about 2 years later, I had felt so robbed of bonding experiences by having to bottle feed expressed milk to my DD (I desperately wanted to BF) that I was determined to BF the twins. Bearing in mind this was back in the early noughties I didn't even know there was such a thing as Donor Milk, it just wasn't that prevalent (is it now?) so when I was at yet another Parent and Baby group in tears with 4 month old twins, one screaming and one feeding (they wouldn't share - They haven't changed LOL) I felt I had no choice but to bottle feed expressed milk alternately so every other feed was boob if you see what I mean. However I had 2 veh veh greedy babies and found I just wasn't expressing enough without extreme pain. In the end I had to feed a mix of BF and F. I was utterly distraught. Had I had the choice I believe I would have taken donor milk, but I don't know for sure. AYBU? No I would say not. Your baby, your body absolutely your choice, but from someone who has had the other side of the coin if you like, I would perhaps give it some thought before you dismiss completely. xxx

Thank you Canshopwillshop - I was sitting here thinking 'WTF?' to these comparisons with cows milk...

I don't think YWBU, personally.

I would certainly use it in an emergency, but can't imagine a situation where it would be easier to defrost breast milk than just pop out and buy some formula in the unlikely event that I ran out.

(Or if you are mixed feeding just bf).