to not feed my ds someone else's breast milk.

[PotatoLetters]

Ds is mixed fed. Yesterday my friend offered to defrost some of her bm if I ran out of formula. Aibu to not want to feed him this?

Ps I know it was well intended. Not bitching about her offering, just questioning my response.

I think that I would be reluctant to accept someone else's milk that had not been through a screening process. I happily donated my excess milk to a milkbank in Oxford knowing that it would be screened and possibly even lightly pasteurised, and I would accept milk from a milkbank but not merely from someone's freezer!

My son was born 2 mths early so we used donated milk and for us it was a life saver as it took time for my milk to come in and then I had a low supply. I don't see accepting it from a friend as any different. Definitely preferable than using formula. I think as long it has been stored correctly/hygenically I really don't see what the issue is?

sea I didn't say farm animals were seedy or disgusting at all. How distasteful of you to put words in my mouth .

I called them farm animals because they are. They are farmed. Because the baby is a human and the milk comes from a human.
Because cows are a different species entirely .

I'm not saying seedy or disgusting, just that I'd prefer to feed my child the milk nature has tailored for that specific species.

I was screened for a range of diseases when pregnant, including hepatitis and HIV. It was on my notes. I've been married a decade and am in no high risk groups at all. Was accepted as a milk bank donor, in fact (which had even more, and more in depth, screening). Perhaps it varies according to trust?

I think that's a rather sweeping assumption on your part, on the HIV aspect. As someone who volunteered for an unpaid vaccine trial for the sub-Saharan strain a decade ago, I think I'm fully aware of the impact and prevalence of HIV. People are more relaxed in the first world because drug regimens these days make it likely to be a long term health condition, rather than immediate death sentence. Or so a friend who is a researcher in the field tells me.

Cows milk is pasteurised.

bumbly with the greatest of respect I really don't care.

You spend a lot of time on aibu so am guessing you have heard the term shagging? If not I do apologise and will say fucking instead from hence forth.

I would be comfortable with this. I was unable to breastfeed and would have loved the opportunity to let my son have breastmilk from a donor.

Like hell I would have given DS unscreened breastmilk.

I've heard of people buying unscreened breastmilk over the net from unknown sources and for the life of me cannot understand why they think that is a better choice for their child than cracking open a tin of formula.

You don't know who has what in the context of unscreened bodily fluids. Being a lovely, hygienic and healthy looking person is not a vaccine against HIV or hep. You can't possibly know who has additional risk factors for exposure. Especially if they are in a sexual relationship. Becuase you need to factor in the potential for well hidden habits of a partner that a donor knows nothing about.

Infection can occur soon after a pregnant woman has been tested for the presence of a disease. If it didn't offical donated milk wouldn't be screened. They'd just look up the donors' medical records during pregnancy. There is a reason why the system doesn't work that way.

I breastfed for a year. If for any reason that had become impossible, he would have had formula. Screened breastmilk is in short enough supply for the babies most likely to benefit from it and frankly would not have been worth the hassle compared to pootling up to the pharmacy for forumla. And over my cold, dead body would I have fed him unscreened breastmilk. Not even if it was from somebody I knew well rather than random stranger on eBay.

it would have been utterly illogical to go through the protracted screaming ab dabs over car seat straps with a resolute determination that he was going to bleeding sit in it properly strapped in, like it or lump it, in the name of minimising risk.....only to turn around and expose him to wholly unnecessary risk via the milk he was drinking.

No one can be tested specifically for HIV in the UK without requesting it. By that I mean all pregnant women are tested for stats but it's anonymous.

If it's on your notes I assume you gave permission probably when you took part in the vaccine trial.

It its a sweeping statement to assume you have no idea of anyone else's HIV status then sweep away. It's fact.

DS's first feed was milk from another mother so it wouldn't bother me.

It does always surprise me that people can be squeemish about donated milk but will happily feed cows milk

But....you have to do what you feel happy with

No, I wouldn't accept this, would use donated bm if needed but not from a friends freezer for all the reasons that have been stated.

Sorry I would not. I breast feed my fifteen month old. When she was a baby I would have rather she had cows milk if I could not produce the milk. You cannot guarantee that she has no illness at all. Your right to say no. You should not be judged for it.

mutters well exactly so. Well said.

You can home pasteurise really easily. Obviously you can't screen people, but the pasteurisation, yes.

how come it has to be mixed with boiling water then to kill off bacteria?

It doesn't have to be mixed with boiling water necessarily, but with hot water that has been boiled.
As soon as you open the can of milk it stops being sterile and bacteria may grow in it. So, you should limit the bacteria that passes on to the baby by killing them with hot water and not letting the milk in the bottle for long enough for any bacteria to be able to grow significantly.

Breast milk donators are screened to make sure they don't have any transmittable diseases. You can never tell if someone has a disease without testing them. They may look perfectly healthy and clean! I once met a sweet little 80 year old lady who it turned out had had syphilis for many years (and knew about it) without informing her husband or family...
I would happily use donated milk from a regulated milk bank if my child needed :-)

It its a sweeping statement to assume you have no idea of anyone else's HIV status then sweep away. It's fact.

It's a sweeping statement to declare that you, and you alone, understand the threat posed to public health by HIV. But by all means, post at cross purposes to others when they point out flaws in your thinking. In this thread you seem to do it quite a lot.

And no, in this area there is a page on our notes in pregnancy with tests and results for a range of diseases, which include HIV and hepatitis. You are wrong.

This may have been said, so excuse me if it has- I haven't read the whole thread, but I wouldn't because you don't really know what the mother has ingested. I exclusively bf my DD to 6 months and am still feeding her alongside food now at nearly 8 months. She's never had formula and I don't want her to have any if she doesn't have to. I would give her milk that had been properly screened by a milk bank (if they do this- I'm imagining it's like a blood bank). But I wouldn't give her my friends milk because I wouldn't know what the mum was taking. I take medication for arthritis, migraine and a blood disorder. All the drugs I take are safe for bfing mothers BUT I know there are certain risks, as with all drugs. People aren't always upfront about what drugs they take and for all I know, the mother who's milk it is may be on all kinds of things that I don't want my DD exposed to. That's the reason, nothing to do with finding it gross in principle.

Though if anyone here has info on what cannot be killed by pasteurisation, I would be really interested? Obviously it can't be a complete answer, or they wouldn't need to screen for milk banks as well.

My above post should have read 'sweet of your friend to offer though' not wet of your friend.

A sisters baby is different to a friends.

Staircase that's a really good point.

Accepting unscreened expressed breast milk for your baby puts him or her at pretty much the same risk of contracting HIV, hep b and hep c as unprotected sex would
When your child is a teenager or a young adult would you tell them it's ok to have unprotected sex with someone they're friends with because their friends won't have any transmissible diseases? I really hope you wouldn't but that you'd tell your child that people can have these illnesses without even knowing that they do so it's always best not to put yourself at risk.
I've given hundreds of babies other people's breastmilk but this is donor milk which is screened for transmissible diseases and pasteurised so it is as safe as a blood transfusion. There are clearly still risks, there may be viruses we don't know about and we can't screen for things like cjd so we have to get consent from the family just like for other medical procedures with risks involved

It was a lovely offer from your friend, with kind intentions. I know some people (including my sister) I'd have been fine with accepting that offer, but most people I'd have politely declined. I donated BM to a local SCBU and had further blood tests before they could accept it, but I'd have been very grateful if the SCBU where my prem baby was born had had donor milk available.