to not feed my ds someone else's breast milk.

[PotatoLetters]

Ds is mixed fed. Yesterday my friend offered to defrost some of her bm if I ran out of formula. Aibu to not want to feed him this?

Ps I know it was well intended. Not bitching about her offering, just questioning my response.

No one can be tested specifically for HIV in the UK without requesting it. By that I mean all pregnant women are tested for stats but it's anonymous.

That's not true though, I was tested for HIV (with my permission) when I was pg and then I was given the result, which went on to my pg folder along with all the other screening. So if you have recently had a baby, you'll know your HIV status (although of course that could have changed after the test).

I am very pro breastfeeding but would really not be happy with feeding my dc somebody elses breast milk.
It actually really bugs me though because I feel like I should be ok with it but I can't get my head around the idea

I think I would opt for formula unless it was a zombie apocalypse or similar.

Hi, I would not give my child breast milk donated in this way, I breast fed all my kids and acted as a milk donor. However donor milk gathered through official programmes involves donor health screening and is then pasteurised. I'd really only have considered accepting donor milk if my baby was in a high risk category such as being born very preterm and if I was unable to produce adequate milk myself, otherwise I'd have just used formula. Formula is not the work of the devil.

I think your reaction is completely normal. Society has been conditioned since post war days when formula was introduced and pretty much encouraged instead of Breast Feeding or Wet nurses. The fact you're questioning your reaction is also normal. As many other's have mentioned if you're comfortable to feed artificial food to your child you could consider donated milk. I agree with Mutters Darkly that just in the way we expect formula food to be safe to use so should Breast milk. Saying that personally if a mum I knew well offered I most likely would use it but preferably it would be donated milk due to the screening process. It is interesting looking at people's reactions to breast feeding/milk considering all the processed and animal products we quite happily consume. But again this is down to society, marketing and an overall acceptance of artificial food. Do what you feel best, if you're not comfortable with it listen to your own intuition only you can decide what's best. :)

Thanks sleeponeday. I've now read through the whole thread and surprised that no one else has brought it up.

All women in the uk are tested for hiv in pregnancy If they consent to it. It isn't for stats, it is because a lot of people who have it don't know they do and finding out in early pregnancy means the mum can take medications, have a planned section and not breastfeed and the baby can be treated from birth which in the majority of cases prevents transmission. However this is done in early pregnancy and the mum could have spent the rest of the pregnancy Having unprotected sex, injecting drugs with shared needles, having tattoos and piercings from unhygienic places or getting needle stick injuries at work, so having had negative tests several months ago doesn't mean you're negative now (Just like you'd tell your teenagers that just cos someone went for std screening last year doesn't mean you should have sex with them without a condom)

I donate my milk to a local lady. My DD is 4mo and her LO is 1mo. I met them through Human Milk for Human Babies. The lady that takes my milk came and met me and my LO at my home before her son was born. She asked all the questions she wanted, and I showed her my pumping and cleaning and storage regimes. She is perfectly happy using my milk for her son, and he is thriving on it (as is my girl).

Why do people assume that anyone willing to donate their milk must be a junkie/diseased? What would be the point of that? I'm going out of my way to keep up an oversupply to freeze and give away.

That said, I've a good friend whose 6mo was bf and is now on formula, I didn't offer them any when we visited. I guess it's different giving it to someone asking for it as opposed to offering it to someone who formula feeds.

I'd use it.

But I'd pasteurise it first.

:-)

I'd also prepare formula as directed by the manufacturers, which many mothers don't, despite the small risk of death or serious illness from doing so.

because taking a tiny risk with formula is fine, whereas it's clearly unacceptable to do the same with breastmilk

Viking, I don't think anyone is assuming that people who want to donate milk are junkies or diseased. (The people I have looked after who have contracted hiv at birth or from a loving partner aren't junkies and no more diseased than someone with diabetes or epilepsy by the way...)
I'm just pointing out that you can't assume someone doesn't have blood borne viruses just because they look healthy and are your friend, in the same way that you don't have unprotected sex with a new partner just because they look healthy and are your boyfriend or girlfriend.

All mothers are screened for a number of transmissible diseases while pregnant. So not quite as risky as you might think.

I don't think people are assuming that anyone who donates milk is 'diseased' and knowingly trying to infect babies vikingpenguin just that they can't be certain that they don't have a transmittable disease and so don't want to take that chance. Personally I'd be more concerned about potential problems with storage. Donating breast milk is a lovely thing to do but nobody should feel bad if they don't want to accept it.

As for not testing for hiv unless specifically requested, that is absolutely untrue. I test for it frequently in children with cancer pre treatment, children with poor weight gain when certain other causes have been ruled out, children with unusual, frequent, or unusually severe infections as well as those born to mothers who inject drugs or work in the sex trade. I tell parents I'm testing for it because clearly if positive it has implications for the parents as in a child it is most likely transmitted from the parent, but hiv testing is pretty routine these days in many circumstances and doesn't have the stigma it did many years ago

I wouldn't, purely because you never know if somebody has some kind of disease that could be passed on.

I imagine sensible people wouldn't offer in those circumstances, but not everybody is aware they have a disease!

Screened donor milk would be fine for me to accept if the need arose.

Wet nursing used to be common, in fact it used to be a good income for poorer folk. I believe it is purely cultural rather than health issues that make us queasy about this - we don't have a problem feeding them chemicals and cow milk so whats the issue with milk from an animal of the same species??? If I had been offered screened milk at the hospital for my 2 mth premmie when I was struggling to express i think it would have made a huge difference

ps I do think screening from an anon donor important.

YABU - milk is milk regardless of the species it came from. If you're feeding your baby formula the milk has come from the breasts of a farm animal. To be honest Id rather human breastmilk - at least that's mean for human babies whereas cows milk is designed for baby cows.

"Aaah I see some of the usual suspects have now showed up to add in extraneous bashing of formula feeding mothers as a whole to the fray... lasted 5 pages - is that a MN record?"

Odd. Where?

Who is 'bashing' anyone?

Defensive, much?

I wouldn't let my child drink unscreened breastmilk just as I wouldn't let him drink raw/unpasteurised cows milk. If, for whatever reason, I was suddenly unable to breastfeed him I'd give him formula. It's widely available, it's perfectly safe, and despite the horrified gasps of some posters it ain't bleach.

No problem with the theory of someone else feeding my baby - better than formula or cows milk nutritionally, after all.

However, unless that person had been screened for any transmissible diseases, and it was 100% certain that they were not taking any medications that could affect a baby - no way.

It isn't really comparable to drinking cows milk, is it, because that is pasteurised and the permitted amounts of medicines, bacteria etc. are heavily regulated.

sleep what are you on about? Where did I say I and I alone understood the threat from HIV?

Most posters agree that giving un tested breast milk to another's baby is bloody risky.

Are you saying it isn't? Actually what are you saying?

Why would you run out of formula? And if he is mixed fed why couldn't you bf him yourself if you did?

YANBU, you can't be sure she hasn't been using drugs or medications that could harm your child, or drinking alcohol and all that, it's not just an issue of where it's from, it's what's in it.

If you can trust that there's nothing wrong with the milk in that sense then I'm sure it's fine, although id be worried about how it was stored aswel, I breastfed for 10months but something about this doesn't sit right with me? Unless it was essential to my child's health I don't really see the point.