to not feed my ds someone else's breast milk.

[PotatoLetters]

Ds is mixed fed. Yesterday my friend offered to defrost some of her bm if I ran out of formula. Aibu to not want to feed him this?

Ps I know it was well intended. Not bitching about her offering, just questioning my response.

I mix feed due to slow weight gain and have to day I'd pick formula over someone else's boobie milk. I get that it's a 'better' alternative to formula, but I also irrationally don't like the thought of another woman's milk being fed to my child, I can't really explain why. Then again, I also don't like it when people put their fingers in my DD's mouth or suck her dummy when it falls on the floor then give it back to her.

I would feel differently about screened milk I think.

I wouldn't unless the mother had been screened for transmissible diseases. If I had a prem baby and it was screened breast milk being given then I would be really grateful to the mother.

X post and obviously on the same wavelength

I forgot to mention.
My sister asked me to feed her daughter as my son was a similar age.
So l went for it.
It was strange though. My niece was so gentle and sweet.
I was used to my son (older) and more comfortable with me ( obviously)
My step mother walked in, did a double take and backed out as quickly as she could.
I was very touched that my sister wanted me to give some to her baby, but (as l said up thread) it wouldn't work for me. :)

My niece used to have a 9oz bottle of my milk every day when she was mix fed because I could express for Scotland, and my sister, her mum, found it more difficult. Having that milk from me was probably the closest you could get to having it from her mum, and there was never any funny feelings about it from my sister.
That said, I'm not sure I'd have offered it to a friend's baby in the same way, and even if you feel you might be being a bit "weird" about your reluctance, I can totally understand where you're coming from, so YA definitely NBU!

Why is drinking cow's milk so "strange" anyway? I'm pretty sure humans have been drinking milk from cows, goats etc. for millennia.

I wouldn't either tbh. It's a bit too close to a bodily fluid for me.

Also, my main reason for still breast-feeding DD3 is to settle/comfort her- not because I'm that fussed about her having breast milk over cow milk. So I wouldn't bother with bm in a bottle anyway.

I think if it's someone you know well enough to know there's no diseases likely to pass through then it's the best option if no milk there.

I assume your ds has had some vaccinations anyway? so the toss up is between feeding him milk from another human or a cow?

I assume if the need arose you would be comfortable with him taking blood from other humans. Or if he needed bone marrow you wouldn't tell friends you were too uncomfortable for them to get tested.

Yet people feel perfectly comfortable giving their kids milk from a farm animal

You know it is ok to feel weird about this its not something you are comfortable with it is fine imo if she had offered your baby a different brand of formula you would also say no

Our DCs are adopted but placed as babies so needed formula. I'd have loved to have been able to give them BM but I do think it would have had to be screened.
I gather for a milk bank the expressing mum has to have a baby of a certain age too.

Yes, milk banks screen all breastmilk donations.
It was wet of your friend to offer though.
People still do wet nursing for friends but not sure if they get screened first?

Er that would be as dangerous as shagging around with whoever without a condom!

Donated milk and cows milk is screened for diseases and contamination.

Don't some of you realise that breast milk from an HIV positive woman is highly contaminated?

And let's face it not everyone knows the are positive.

Mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes.

That's actually a really good point about people eating meat Isithappening!

If it was a choice between someone else's rest milk and formula, I'd give DS formula. It was nice of your friend to offer but I can see why it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, I'm one of them. Even if I 100% knew that she was disease and contamination free I wouldn't use it, I can't say exactly why, I just wouldn't. It might be a different story if formula wasn't a widely available and perfectly viable option and the only choice was a friend's milk or no milk.

So YANBU to not take her up on her offer.

Bone marrow and blood?

Don't be ridiculous. These donations are screened and are medical procedures.

Your bf may have shafted half the village or her dh might have so you have no idea if she has contaminated breast milk or not.

Jees.

Good point about the blood too though MrsD. Most people wouldn't think twice about blood or bone marrow. Although maybe the seriousness of the conditions that require those things outweigh the 'ickiness'? I'm sure if your baby was in a life or death situation (think - stranded on a desert island situation) and someone else feeding it would save its life then people wouldn't think about it too much.

"Your bf may have shafted half the village or her dh might have so you have no idea if she has contaminated breast milk or not."

That's a bit distasteful. Are you suggesting that because someone has had multiple sexual partners that they have HIV?

My son was born at 4.50 am. They let me sleep for the morning. When I woke up and read his notes, they had given him someone else's breast milk for his FIRST FEED. I was beside myself with anger. 30 years later it still annoys me if I think about it.

Milk from anything makes me feel sick if I think about it too much. Eggs even more so, sometimes if I look at fruit to closely it makes me heave.
Weirdly meat doesn't so much. I think it's because eggs and milk are more like bodily functions.

I'd far far rather give my DC breast milk. I actually have a slight plan for this too. When DD was born, my milk took AGES to come in (think it arrived finally on Day 5 or 6 after she'd lost lots of weight). I didn't give her formula but spent those 5 days in absolute angst, panicking in case my milk never appeared. When I have another child, I'm planning on ensuring I have friends with breast milk available that I can feed to my DC if my milk is slow to come in.

I know that it's much more natural to give another humans milk to a human child, it's obvious.
But.... It still makes me feel funny and I don't think I could give it to my vhid except in a dire emergency. But I would have no problem giving a friends child some of my expressed BM if they asked me to...weird

I feel that the ickiness factor of bm as opposed to blood or bone marrow, is because another woman`s breasts, and her nipple in particular, are primarily categorised as sexual in our culture. It is the nipple which the DM pixels out of a photo showing breasts for example.

I don't have a sister. I might feel differently if I did.

The hiv thing did cross my mind. Hiv + mothers in this country are told to ff aren't they?

I think Lovemycats was merely suggesting that refusing unscreened breastmilk from a friend (when there is a perfectly good alternative in the form of formula or cow's milk) is not the same as refusing a screened blood product in a medical context

I love the way "milk from a FARM ANIMAL" is supposed to be disgusting and seedy. Some people have some very strange ideas.