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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feed my ds someone else's breast milk.

221 replies

PotatoLetters · 24/02/2015 10:17

Ds is mixed fed. Yesterday my friend offered to defrost some of her bm if I ran out of formula. Aibu to not want to feed him this?

Ps I know it was well intended. Not bitching about her offering, just questioning my response.

OP posts:
Lovemycatsandkids · 24/02/2015 13:36

Lonny you gave your permission so requested the result. You had to agree to see the result.

HIV results can affect life insurance to employment status etc etc so unless you request the results they will be anonymous.

That's different from screening of pregnant women for stats.

Allowing the person next door to bf your baby would be reckless beyond stupid.

PiperChapstick · 24/02/2015 13:36

i think it's absolutely fair enough when people say no to another person breastmilk when it's unscreened - that's common sense because of diseases etc. but to wrinkle your nose at the idea of donor milk because it's 'icky', yet accept the breastmilk of another species entirely is frankly childish. Having said that it just goes to show the power formula companies have managed to wield over our society when people see human milk as 'gross'

bumbleymummy · 24/02/2015 13:37

love - it wasn't the word shafting I was referring to. I actually quoted the line I thought was distasteful. It was from 10:51:29 and it was the way that you were presenting people who may have HIV as people who had 'shafted half the village'. Fair enough if you don't want to take it on board.

Lweji - It does actually have to be mixed with water that is a certain temperature to kill off bacteria in the formula. I can't remember the name of the bacteria - I'd have to look it up. Basically it means that making it up with cool boiled water and then reheating it (which many people do) isn't actually correct.

Royalsighness · 24/02/2015 13:40

Can't stand formula bashing, find it really spiteful and judgemental.

Hakluyt · 24/02/2015 13:42

"Can't stand formula bashing, find it really spiteful and judgemental."

Good thing nobody is, then, isn't it?

Lovemycatsandkids · 24/02/2015 13:42

HIV can be caught by many many means Bum as we are all fully aware.

However drug addicts are usually more visible and may present for testing more often and be more aware if their status than someone who has had one relationship with an HIV infected partner or many partners.

No moral judgment was made or inferred as you very well know.

However the point still stands that no one knows another adults HIV status unless they actually read the results themselves.

Royalsighness · 24/02/2015 13:45

Yeah they are

Lovemycatsandkids · 24/02/2015 13:45

And the op is right to feel how she feels. Aside from the screening if she feels it's yukki then that's how she feels.

It's a very personal decision to bf/ff and no one else's business in the slightest.

Royalsighness · 24/02/2015 13:46

I second lovemycatsandkids

kitchentableagain · 24/02/2015 13:46

How many people were really horrified by the horsemeat in our foods thing? Because i pretty much shrugged. I don't "trust" the food industry, so I guess if I'm willing to give a jar of food to a baby (and those "beef" jars had horse in) then donor bm shouldn't be a problem.

I've FF and BF. I've donated to friends and I've cross nursed with a friend. For us I guess it wasn't a big deal. When her son was tiny it meant her boobs got a rest before his tongue tie was divided. When they got older it made babysitting for one another more flexible and easy. I'm really close to her, donated for one of her older kids so he could have some BM every day, and have both donated and nursed her younger kid.

YANBU though. It's your baby, feed it or don't feed it as you see fit.

KatieScarlettreregged · 24/02/2015 13:46

My best friend and I routinely gave each other's expressed milk to each other's babies when babysitting (babies born 6 weeks apart). We were both screened for HIV, etc. during pregnancy. Didn't give it a seconds thought till now TBH. Just seemed a normal thing to do as no formula in houses due to EBF. The kids are coming up 20 now and are fine.

gwenner · 24/02/2015 13:47

I donated my milk when I had ds1 to the Wirral milk bank. I was screened with blood tests for HIV etc prior to being accepted. I expressed, froze & they picked up for ICU neonatal care babies across the NW.
I did so as -a) my ds was a big baby and I had got into production so well I could spare and b) ds was hospitalised with bronchiolotis at 4 month and the Senior House Doctor approached me explaining it was for very very preemie babies.

So somewhere there are babies who were fed my milk for a good 9 months.

If I were in this position, I'd gladly take milk from anywhere but can understand why in this instance you may have thought "Ick"

Rabbishes · 24/02/2015 13:54

I think there's a world of difference between screened donor milk for very sick or preemie babies and unscreened, potentially unsafe, milk.

PiperChapstick · 24/02/2015 13:55

Can someone point out where all the formula bashing is on this thread? Can't see it Confused

bumbleymummy · 24/02/2015 13:56

I can see you're not going to take it on board Love. That's your choice.

bumbleymummy · 24/02/2015 13:57

I can't see it either Piper. Maybe people saying they'd prefer to give human milk to human babies is considered 'bashing'? Hmm

Royalsighness · 24/02/2015 13:58

Why is potentially contaminated milk better than formula please? Stop being so pathetic! So ridiculous

minifingers · 24/02/2015 14:00

Hak

Re: do mothers follow the instructions:

From the 2010 Infant feeding Survey

"Almost half (49%) of all mothers who had prepared powdered infant formula in the last seven days had followed all three recommendations for making up feeds (only making one feed at a time, making feeds within 30 minutes of the water boiling and adding the water to the bottle
before the powder)"

So there's your answer!

PiperChapstick · 24/02/2015 14:03

I thought water over 70 degrees had to touch formula in order for it to be sterile?

schokolade · 24/02/2015 14:03

RB68 The issue is disease. Read the thread for god's sake!!

PiperChapstick · 24/02/2015 14:04

I also find it interesting that people wouldn't trust humans not to have HIV but they trust formula is safe and free of disease without question.

BuildersBum · 24/02/2015 14:09

I'd rather my child had donated breast milk than formula.

Hakluyt · 24/02/2015 14:10

We have, thankfully, very strict food hygiene laws in this country. I have no double that formula is sterile and disease free.

However, I would also have next to no doubt that a friend's stored bm would also be sterile and disease free. I only say next to no doubt because I would apply the same judgement to hers as I would to mind- it wasn't prepared in a lab, so there is always a margin of error.

Rabbishes · 24/02/2015 14:11

we give our children cows milk which comes from a different species ffs, and formula which has God knows what in it

We'll happily feed our children milk from a squitty arsed shitting cow covered in flies but not from another of our species? Seems mad to me

Definitely preferable than using formula.

I'd also prepare formula as directed by the manufacturers, which many mothers don't, despite the small risk of death or serious illness from doing so because taking a tiny risk with formula is fine, whereas it's clearly unacceptable to do the same with breastmilk

--

^Just some of the comments in the thread that could, potentially, be perceived as anti-FF