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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that people have really become unfriendly and self absorbed that they can't spare 2 minutes

196 replies

Patchworkpatty · 23/02/2015 18:28

So, I came home on the train to my little rural village station. Lots of commuters use it as free parking all day. Got in the car and the battery is flat , my fault entirely, oldish car and left the radio on Angry ..anyway, I have jump leads in the boot, so opened the bonnet and attached them and then asked (politely) each passing commuter walking to their car if they could give me a jump start... fifteen people, not one could help... the reasons varied from : sorry I'm in a hurry , I don't know how (I explained I did but then they were also in a hurry !) to its dhs car and I'm sure he wouldn't want me to ..and my favourite of all, I'm sorry I don't know how to open the bonnet !. Saddest of all was that all 15 were women and not one could spare 2 minutes. In the end called Dd1 who was fifteen miles away who rescued me. she knows how to change a tyre and jumpstart a car because we taught her when she first started to drive , she also knows how to open the bonnet. Aibu to think it wouldn't have been too much to ask ?

OP posts:
stubbornstains · 23/02/2015 19:54

Can you genuinely damage your car giving someone a jump start- without connecting the terminals up the wrong way round?? Maybe it's a modern car thing, but I've given and received plenty of jump starts from plenty of vehicles (attaching negative to negative too, as the AA man also did when he gave me a jump start once Hmm) without any adverse effects whatsoever.

I'm saddened by the reaction of the women in the car park OP Sad.

PtolemysNeedle · 23/02/2015 19:54

I'm not entirely sure I'd stop if it was getting dark and I was on my own. If I were with someone else then I would, but in your position, I'd probably have asked a man anyway.

whattheseithakasmean · 23/02/2015 19:58

For all the 'I'm a member of the AA' smuggers, waiting for the AA/whatever takes ages, a jump start is mega quick. I am a full member of the RAC, but I would still prefer a jump start than having to wait for up to an hour.

And as for 'my DH told me not to' brigade. Sheesh, if he told you jump of a cliff would you do it? Think for yourself, women.

DustyBedhead · 23/02/2015 20:01

I would have helped you out patchwork. I'm ashamed to say I wouldn't know what to do but the minute you said you did know, with jump leads in hand I'd let you hook up to mine, I've no concerns about damage to my 17 yr old skip on wheels. Smile Even if I had a new motor I couldn't just drive away without helping.

peggyundercrackers · 23/02/2015 20:02

If you had turned the battery off and left for 15 mins it might have started... Attaching jump leads to a car won't harm the car or the ecu nor will it ruin the other battery.

Unmissable · 23/02/2015 20:02

OOI, why did you only ask women OP? Maybe, just to reinforce some stereotypes, they were genuinely in a rush. Men are more likely to be able to afford to be a bit late home, without having to rush and get dinner on or collect DC Grin

FWIW, I've only needed a jump start once, because after that event I bought a battery pack thing which lives in the car, so I can do it without another car IYSWIM. I've also used it (with help) to start others' cars, so there's no risk to my car

SuperMumTum · 23/02/2015 20:02

I don't see what the sex of the commuters had to do with it. Anyway I would have been one of the people who muttered that I was too busy to help because I always am. I leave work with exactly enough time to collect dd from nursery and if I am early I pick her up earlier. My time is too important to dick around with your car I'm afraid. I would have been polite about refusing you though and wished you good luck just as I would with a man. The only exception would be if you seemed particularly vulnerable for some reason (very elderly, heavily pregnant maybe) but this doesn't seem to be the case here.

stubbornstains · 23/02/2015 20:03

Actually, I've been thinking about it.....How could you damage someone else's car if you already had the jump leads connected to your own terminals? How? It's not the best of ideas, because if the two unconnected ends touched they could spark (probably not dangerous in 12 volt, but scary), but you wouldn't affect the other car until you'd connected it up, in which case it would be...connected. Maybe if you attached negative to negative first??

And to the poster who didn't want to "waste" her heavy duty battery on someone else.....that's not quite how jump starting works (unless your own car has something wrong with its electrical system). You know that your battery's being constantly charged once the engine's running, don't you? Hmm

NancyRaygun · 23/02/2015 20:03

I would have tried to help but I GENUINELY can't open the bonnet of my car! It's a right bugger to do.

Unmissable · 23/02/2015 20:04

Your time is too important to help someone out SuperMum? I get that spending time with our kids is important, but to occasionally give a stranger a hand is life enhancing too.

Bluepants · 23/02/2015 20:10

I wouldn't help a random person jump start a car if I did not know how to do it myself. Even if you know, I then have to trust that you know properly and trust you touching my car and risking it getting damaged.

Plus, lots of people think they know how to jump start a car but actually as technology changes, you have to amend the way it's done - plenty of newish cars will sustain serious damage unless you remove the jump leads and then start the flat car under it's own charge, rather than starting whilst attached.

You should have AA or RAC membership IMO, not expect strangers to risk their most/second most valuable asset. Fine if they are willing to but you can't get huffy if they aren't.

quietbatperson · 23/02/2015 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 23/02/2015 20:18

When I was a kid I was always seeing groups of people, usually young, pushing cars in the road to start them. I remember my parents doing it many times. But you never see thatnnow do you?

Have cars just got loads more reliable since the seventies?

DoJo · 23/02/2015 20:19

And all you people saying, "DH told me not to..." If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to take responsibility for your car and to make your decisions in relation to it.

Surely taking the advice of someone who knows better than you is taking responsibility for your car. I am the household expert on plenty of things and my husband has his own spheres of wisdom - if I told him not to give an asthmatic ibuprofen, then he would listen just as I would if he told me not to use normal batteries in the phone handset. It doesn't mean I'm some 1950s housewife who can't think for myself, just that I respect his knowledge and am more likely to rely on that than someone who I have never met, not matter how much they reassure me they know what they are doing.

SuperMumTum · 23/02/2015 20:19

It is unmissable. I have zero spare time during my evening commute. Nursery charge me if I'm late picking dd up and I barely break even as it is. Like I said if there were particular circumstances that made me feel that OP really really needed my help then I might have risked the additional expenditure. Not for some numpty who'd left her radio on and was cheerfully brandishing jump leads like she does it all the time though.

ghostyslovesheep · 23/02/2015 20:20

this thread is the funniest example of 0 to frothy in 60 posts ever Grin

blimey if half of you stopped me in the street I run like the wind - you sound very cross!

quietbatperson · 23/02/2015 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwatFaceBitch · 23/02/2015 20:20

I would of stopped to help you. I've jump started loads of cars. what what? Is this 'dh' said it can knacker your car? Is this something new? I have not heard of it, Or just if you do it wrong? In which case why has no-one asked 'dh' how it is done correctly?

I had bangers so had to learn very quickly how to jump and bump start, I all so had to carried a screwdriver duster cloth and wd40 for when it rained, and I had to dry the points.
I have the AA too but if I can get a jump start, change my own tyre I don't need to call them. I completely agree basic car maintenance should be part of a driving test.

stubbornstains · 23/02/2015 20:22

plenty of newish cars will sustain serious damage unless you remove the jump leads and then start the flat car under it's own charge, rather than starting whilst attached.

Is that really so? I'd never heard that before, so I've been trawling through the online how-to guides, and found nary a mention of it, including in the AA one linked above, which specifically recommends keeping the engine of the "donor car" running Hmm.

Oh by the way, it seems that you're supposed to attach the negative cable to the donor car's bodywork to "avoid igniting hydrogen gases". Well, all I can say is that I've never blown myself up yet!

Notrevealingmyidentity · 23/02/2015 20:24

It's not that difficult is t ? I did it years ago when I do I just learned I drive from a list if instructions on google !

I'd have helped.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 23/02/2015 20:25

In fact I offered a bloke at work not that long ago. He was Shock a woman had jump leads. Hmm

stubbornstains · 23/02/2015 20:27

Aargh twatface, last time I tried to change my own tyre I got it all jacked up, got 3 of the nuts loosened and the last wouldn't budge, so I had to call the AA anyway- how annoying! Bloody air tools that the garages use nowadays!

(whispers: re: the "DH"s- maybe they don't know as much about cars as they think they do either Grin).

goodasitgets · 23/02/2015 20:30

YANBU. I sat broken down half blocking a lane of traffic (on a retail park so not a proper road if that makes sense)
Waiting for AA, hazards on. I think "stupid bitch" was the nicest thing I got called in 90 mins. Seriously, hand gestures, people with faces of rage, screaming, swearing
I felt like saying I'm not stopped here for the good of my health! People that stopped to help? Zero

missorinoco · 23/02/2015 20:31

I wouldn't if I was alone or with the children in the dark. I would if with my husband. It's not that I don't have the time, I have seen too many episodes of Taggart.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 23/02/2015 20:31

So many smug people on one thread! OP, I'd have helped you because I've been in the exact same position. The only people willing to help me were a pair of Danish tourists. Leaving a person waiting for a recovery service on a chilly February day vs taking a few minutes to help someone? No contest here.