To think raking through a poster's old threads is despicable behaviour

[Behindthepaintedgarden]

There's a sideways discussion going on at the moment on another thread about this.

I've seen it a few times on here where two posters are disagreeing and one of them suddenly starts posting comments about previous remarks the poster has made (often months ago), or picking a tiny selection of threads the poster has started to imply that they're 'anti children' or 'anti weddings' or 'obviously have difficulties getting along with people'.

I remember someone doing this to me on another forum once and it creeped me out. AIBU to think it's horrible behaviour and a really cheap way to try and win an argument.

"'you sound awful"

Oh yes, completely judging someone's entire character based on one thing they have expressed an opinion on.

I actually do think there is someone who keeps a spreadsheet - I've seen them mention it before. It seems like a strange past time but each to their own I guess!

When I cocked up a nc on a sensitive thread recently, the other posters were very good about it, pretending the faulty post didn't exist and/or pming to point out my error and/or reporting to MNHQ until they kindly sorted it. I'm sorry that consideration isn't shown to everyone.

I am following this thread with interest. Sometimes ASing is supportive and sometimes it's cuntish.

One is supposed to change minor details (eg siblings, age) to protect anonymity and I'm sure sometimes inconsistencies are related to that and nothing sinister.

I have seen people complaining thwt they've been flamed or that people have "put the boot in" far more often than I have actually seen it happen. I think people often say they've been flamed when what has actually happened is that they've been disagreed with.

Yy Hak but it's easy to feel flamed if someone disagrees with you on a subject you're sensitive about.

People arguing with me on the ironing thread, meh but I'm right and they're wrong.

People arguing with me on a religion thread, catastrophe so I avoid them nowadays.

Maybe Hakluyt. Sometimes people just don't like being disagreed with and feel ganged up on if several people don't agree with them even though those posters may be being completely civil about it.

There's disagreeing with someone while still being respectful and then there's resorting to insults/name calling/false accusations/repeatedly copying and pasting previous comments out of context to create a bad impression/dragging up old threads/trying to censor your opinion because it might 'offend' someone (only if that person shares their opinion though) etc.

But what if you haven't raked through someone's posts? What if you just remember?

I've seen people accused of post-stalking before by others, and my reaction was along the lines of, "eh? Why would you accuse them of stalking?" Why? Because I had been silently thinking "you lying scoundrel, that's not what you said last week" for a couple of pages without any stalking required.

Just like I do in Real Life with some of my more imaginative acquaintances and family, no tech required.

Some posters are very over invested in both Mumsnet and people who post here.

A long time ago I mentioned that DH and I only shared one car. Then over a year later I posted something about us both having a car. One particular poster went ape shit at me declaring I was blatantly lying because she remembered the specific post where I'd said we shared a car.

She then brought this up in several un-associated threads to demonstrate that my posts couldn't be trusted because I was a liar.

I don't think it occurred to her that maybe in the whole YEAR between my two posts DH and I might have gone out and bought a second car

Those sort of posters just make you want to edge away from the thread without making any sudden moves.

I was reprimanded for doing it on a thread in relationships, MNHQ contacted me and the issue has now been sorted and an apology was issued by myself for breaking forum rules..
I remember details in RL and the particular post I quoted stuck with me, so I wasn't stalking it's just a skill I have.
I remember events, places, names etc, etc, the thread turned as it sometimes does into bickering with underhand sniping and banter, so I bit, regrettably, but these things happen..

"There's disagreeing with someone while still being respectful and then there's resorting to insults/name calling/false accusations/repeatedly copying and pasting previous comments out of context to create a bad impression/dragging up old threads/trying to censor your opinion because it might 'offend' someone (only if that person shares their opinion though) etc."

I don't think I've ever seen that. Except possibly on the more bonkers dog threads. People talk about the FWR boards as particularly bad- but I haven't seen it there either. What does happen sometimes is somebody expresses an anti feminist point of view, is disagreed with by lots of people then says they've been flamed, or given a kicking............

I think, as the OP, I may have titled this thread incorrectly. I don't think it's despicable to look up a poster's history out of curiosity, because you think they're behaving strangely or seem overly invested in a particular topic or whatever.
It's when they come back onto the thread and start sneerily retyping some of the things you said that I feel they've crossed a line. It's a bit like jeering at someone's spelling mistakes to try and win an argument.

And I have to be honest, unless someone's being malicious, hurtful or inappropriate, I don't really get all the angst about trolling. If you think a thread's not genuine and it's about something fairly innocuous why not just click off it rather than make a big deal about it? Or if you really have an issue, just quietly report to MNHQ. That way, if you're right they'll be banned, if you're wrong you haven't caused unnecessary hassle.

Hakluyt - I have. I've actually been on the receiving end of it a few times!

What also happens is that people judge you on one opinion and then carry their feeling about you through to other threads - even if they're not relevant. So, because some of my opinions are unpopular, if I start a thread or contribute on another one under this name I will get a completely different reaction than I do if I post under a different name.

"What also happens is that people judge you on one opinion and then carry their feeling about you through to other threads - even if they're not relevant. So, because some of my opinions are unpopular, if I start a thread or contribute on another one under this name I will get a completely different reaction than I do if I post under a different name."

But that's just like real life, surely. If you know someone is a Christian, or in favour of blood sports or a football fanatic or something then you're bound to see other things they say through that filter......

bumbley the trouble is, that when your hold very strong and emotive emotions, people will remember! especially if you are very vocal with them. They will remember if they genuinely go against the grain too.

Hakluyt - you may see other things that they say through the filter if it was relevant to the discussion eg, if you know someone is on a v high income and is commenting on how people should/could live on a certain amount per week on benefits you may think "well, they don't have much experience of this do they?" Or someone you know doesn't have children giving their opinion on how children should be raised. It would be a bit rude/strange/dismissive to not engage with them on other topics about films/food/pets or whatever because they had an opinion that you didn't agree with on something completely unrelated . Some people do though. Regardless of what you might be saying, some posters will come on and argue with you simply because they see your username whereas if you had posted under a different name they wouldn't.

Of course, Ed. I just think people should be treated with respect even if you don't agree with their opinion and I don't think those feelings should be dragged between threads and used to batter people over the heads with no matter what subject they're posting on.

I agree. It's the dragging of irrelevant things between threads that really annoys me. So what if someone posted last week that fussy eaters irritate them, and the week before that they get annoyed when kids scream in restaurants. The whole point of a forum like this one is that you get to air opinions and rant in a way that you can't in real life. Using it to try and 'prove' that a poster is 'obviously easily annoyed' or whatever is pretty cheap and nasty.

But where are all these people? I must lead a very sheltered MN life.

I can have a right dingdong with someone and on the next thread (like this one) agree with everything they say.

Isn't that most people's experience of here? Am I the abnormal one?

There are some massive chips being hoiked around on some very precious shoulders if you ask me.

Agreed maryz

You see so many threads that start off with someone looking for support or advice on their particular situation and because the wider topic happens to be a political/emotive/current one, you then have posters jumping in with extreme opinions that have nothing to do with the OP.

In that case I think it's ok for posters to say "look eagle, you might believe xyz, we've seen you saying that many times on other threads, but this isn't helping the OP so back off"

Using people's prior posts against them for the sake of it is petty and silly.

But this is the Internet and what we say isn't private by any stretch of the imagination.

It depends on what you consider to be 'ramming' really doesn't it? Sometimes simply standing by your opinion even though you're in the minority makes some posters think you are unreasonable/stubborn/someone who rams their opinion down people's throat. Yet it's not like all the people on the other side of the argument are moving any closer to the middle ground either.

I've had some pretty heated discussions with people and then agreed with them/stood up for them on other threads Drank. It doesn't always happen like that though.

should say, mostly it does. It's not all bad :)

maryz