To think raking through a poster's old threads is despicable behaviour

[Behindthepaintedgarden]

There's a sideways discussion going on at the moment on another thread about this.

I've seen it a few times on here where two posters are disagreeing and one of them suddenly starts posting comments about previous remarks the poster has made (often months ago), or picking a tiny selection of threads the poster has started to imply that they're 'anti children' or 'anti weddings' or 'obviously have difficulties getting along with people'.

I remember someone doing this to me on another forum once and it creeped me out. AIBU to think it's horrible behaviour and a really cheap way to try and win an argument.

It's been deleted now (that post). It was someone bringing up an unrelated post by another poster in a "see? You have stupid opinions about this unrelated topic so why should anyone listen to your advice" way.

It was nasty and irrelevant.

Looking up things to see if someone is genuine, or to offer support as you were aware they had posted before is completely different.

It was used by a gf to goad.

Somehow it seems like reading someone's diary.
I don't even know I feel comfortable about looking at someone's profile!
I do sometimes remember people and their points from other threads though of course.

"Past-quoting a poster is only OK if they have a history of being nasty or trolling..."

Or if they are lying or contradicting something they said on another thread. Not that I ever actually do this - my memory is so crap that I almost never remember what people have said previously, so I wouldn't spot that they'd done a complete 180!

I think it's usually unhelpful and it sounds like in this situation it was nasty behaviour, but in some situations, I think people remember the old threads, especially when someone has an unusual/distinctive problem or family situation. I think it's sometimes relevant for other posters to bring up past posts if the OP is only telling half the story, or you know the advice won't be helpful to them.

It's not nice to do it to win an argument.

That said, your posting history is there for everyone to see, and if you don't want people to see it/connect it with you, there is the option to name change, or get past post removed.

Some people genuinely have good memories, and there's always a chance they just remember your past interactions.

I'm going to have to rake through some posters on this threads post to find it...

I think it's a risk you take from going on this forum.

However, if it is used in the way you describe, then the rest of MN, and MNHQ will take a view on whether it constitutes an attack

I've no problem with people looking up other posts a poster has made. I've done it myself a few times when someone was behaving very aggressively or oddly towards me, just to see if they're always like that or if I've antagonised them in some way.
It's when people start publicly sneering or querying a poster's previous posts that I think it becomes creepy and distasteful.

Don't think posters who have done this are wankers. Sometimes it is a useful heads up to people who are getting sucked in to a story that isn't necessarily consistent (but can't be proven as trolling)

I think sometimes it's ok if you are a bit suss about a poster. But doing it to score points is out of order.

It's okay I think ive got it.
And I DO think in this case it's totally relevant.

I don't agree that it's despicable behaviour. We all know that anything we post remains here for posterity and can be searched

Unless you pose in Chat of course.

I think it depends on context. I've done it on Relationships several times if a poster seems known; either I don't want to be completely insensitive or, on occasion, I don't want to waste time and energy on a Groundhog day post. I've done it when suspecting a poster is a fruit loop or has an agenda/is a troll. But mostly, I couldn't be bothered. Life is too short, surely?

Don't think I'd go as far as despicable - seems rather strong! Then again, I don't know context. Someone doing that on a sensitive thread, just to be an arse to a vulnerable poster, and yes that would be despicable, I agree.

That should of course say post not pose

I did once In my defence, the poster had started a number of threads about her family circumstances and was contradicting herself all over the place. Maybe it wasn't my finest hour but I think that particular thread then disappeared so I guess Mumsnet kind of agreed with me.

I really don't think I could be bothered to look up anyone's threads. There's loads of them, I've got better things to do.

I dont think its always a bad thing. If you know someone is depressed or going through a shit time, you might choose to be extra gentle. If someone says one thibg on monday, the opposite on tuesday then perhaps it tells you that they just like to fight. If someone has both trouble with their kids, no children, a traumatic birth and never been pregnant, then you think aha...

If you are just trying to score points then its up there on the twatscale with correcting someones spelling.

Don't think posters who have done this are wankers. Sometimes it is a useful heads up to people who are getting sucked in to a story that isn't necessarily consistent (but can't be proven as trolling)

The thing is, there's a thread atm in which a ton of people seem really invested, and it doesn't add up. Over a long period of time several details are contradictory, and they seem to be so in a way that abnegates reality. But what I don't know is why the lies were told - was it to alter details to retain anonymity, or because they were embarrassed about financial info for some reason, so massaged it? So I tend to just close the thread and not post at all when that happens. If I am really I report. I just don't like the idea of kicking someone when down, and if I'm wrong when I doubt the veracity of a poster's claims then there's a very real risk of it.

I posted on Relationships once as a namechange over something really awful. I got some valuable support. If I'd posted more than the 2 days I needed to, and the thread had run a long time, and someone had accused me over it of lying, I'd have been hurt.

I think, if you only post what you believe, it should be fine.

Mmm, but beliefs change, surely? I mean I've been posting here for the best part of a decade now, and I feel differently about all kinds of things. If someone's opinions alter as life experiences educate (or impact, anyway) them, then that is surely a positive, for the most part. Throwing old views their way and calling them a hypocrite, if that's what the OP means, isn't fair or clever.

In my defence, the poster had started a number of threads about her family circumstances and was contradicting herself all over the place. Maybe it wasn't my finest hour but I think that particular thread then disappeared so I guess Mumsnet kind of agreed with me.

Yeah, that's not despicable. That's a public service.

Thanks sleep

I disagree, sometimes you can't make any sense of someone's perspective without knowing a lot of history (think Xenia).
And some people are fantasists, sorry, but it's true, and post varying packs of lies. Being called on that or the conflicting realities they try to present is a good thing.

It can be relevant. If they've said something contradicting in a previous thread, or in previous threads it's become obvious that they have a bee in their bonnet about something.

If for example they're saying "should I complain to X about Y" and you find that half their posts are wanting to complain to different people about Y, then it's probable that is a bee buzzing very loudly.
Sometimes it can be helpful to a poster. If they are wanting to complain about a seemingly minor matter at school, but previous posts give a much fuller picture, showing a major issue, then the response "get a grip" may not be relevant in their circumstance, whereas it would be without that background.

If it's a "you were nasty to me on the previous thread" or "well you don't believe in private schools so you obviously think dropping litter is fine" then it isn't right to dredge it up.

I've very rarely looked up a poster, and it's always been because I've thought that they have either posted before on the same thing, or similar. I don't usually comment on the thread though, but it may effect what I actually write.
The only time I did comment was someone who was needing "any clothes for their dgc". Absolutely desperate she was, having been given care of them suddenly by the courts after abuse. She had nothing for her 6 month old dgs, and 3yo dgd*, and wanted anything clothes/toys/anything else for the poor little things.
Sounds terrible doesn't it?
Only thing was that 6 months previously she had had the same happen to her dgc-in that case twins aged 9 months . She had pages of people offering stuff-and she'd thanked people presumable having received stuff.
Now maybe she was very unlucky, but I did comment at the same time as reporting simply because people were beginning to offer stuff.

*I can't remember the actual details, but it was some discrepancy that was not reconcilable.

I would think...how the fuck do people find time for this ? Occasionally I may remember something someone has posted...usually of the same thread been posted by the same person x10 and comment. I couldn't be arsed to search someones old posts.

I've only just figured 'threads I'm on'

The only issue is that sometimes people change details because they are trying to remain anonymous, this might be even more the case if they are posting about particularly controversial topics.

People also change their minds about things, I know I have over the years.

I've done it. and exposed trolls by doing it.
There was a troll on here a while back who was exposed only by someone googling them and rifling through other forums they had posted on.
I've done it to read through a posters previous threads in order to get a better idea of a sensitive issue without asking them for a back story.
And I've done it to find out if someone is a repetitive crap poster and decide whether I can be bothered to talk to them.
Doing it maliciously is not on, but there are plenty of occasions when it's perfectly justified.
I have no issue with anyone rifling my posting history. It doesn't bother me at all. I don't post anything I wouldn't say out loud.