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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my DD buy this bikini?

131 replies

clarad · 20/02/2015 23:43

Today was DD1's 11th birthday and she received some money from her great aunt who only had sons and nephews and DDs are her only great nieces so she spoils them a little bit.

In her school there is a trend with a very expensive brand of bikini's called Triangl bikinis. DD has decided she wants to buy one. I told her maybe but I didn't want to upset her on her birthday so I will discuss it with her later after having a nice chat with you ladies. She would like this bikini here in the smallest size available.

I don't want her to get it for a few reasons. Firstly, she's small for her age and I'm still not sure the smallest size would fir her at a size 4 adults? Also, she is too young to be buying designer clothes that will probably get ruined. Finally, it is just too expensive IMO at $89 (not sure how much in £££s).

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and that her money can be spent on whatever she wants. What do you guys think??

OP posts:
Youvegotthelove · 21/02/2015 06:00

I own this actual bikini and there is nooooo way I would let an 11yo wear it. (I am 28 btw) The first time I tried it, DH's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he now jokingly refers to it as 'the sex bikini'. Let's be honest, the top is designed to look like a basque and the bottoms are pretty skimpy. Also, because it is neoprene, there is no 'give' in the material, so unless she has a surprisingly well-developed chest for her age, it won't sit flush against her skin and it will be unwearable.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/02/2015 06:09

mumbehavingbadly fab post

Eastpoint · 21/02/2015 06:19

My dd is 16 & some of her friends have Triangl bikinis, they are American but go to school here. They don't fit well as you can't adjust them round the rib cage. Unless she is very broad for a 11 year old it will just be too big (they don't fit a 5'5" 8 stone 16 year old). Johnny B by Boden do bikinis which will fit her.

Mixtape · 21/02/2015 06:20

I would take her to shops to try different bikinis on and then ask her to make a choice. She probably has a vision of that bikini looking a certain way and when she sees how styles like that look and fit she will very likely change her mind.

WaxyBean · 21/02/2015 06:53

My argument would be around how often she would get to wear given it is winter here and she hasn't finished growing. No need to buy something so expensive unless you can guarantee getting loads of wear from it.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 21/02/2015 07:06

I think the issues I'd have would be the padded bra and the fact she will lose international postage costs when she tries it on, it doesn't fit, andshe has to return it.

My 9.5 year old insisted "everyone" in her class has a mobile phone - however when I said I would ask a few parents it emerged that only 3 do, and 2 of them are their mums' old phones without sim card - only one child has a fully working mobile phone, which is what kids' claims that "everyone" has xyz often boil down to (though dd does believe "everyone" is on the verge of getting one...There is probably a lot of tabla going at school - your dd might be telling everyone she's about to order one :o

Are you in a "beach" orientated part of a warmer country clara? I guess it's hard to tell what preteens are waring in other parts of the world, but the bikini in your link will look like a little girl dressing up in her mum/ big sister's bikini just due to the padding. The bottoms are not ridiculously revealing, but I'd imagine that as she's small for her age the top won't fit.

I'd probably centre my "no" on the logistics of ordering and returning clothes internationally tbh - and you could be hit with a customs charge too; a lot of money if it doesn't fit. Suggest she try it on if a friend really has one, or choose one in a shop where she can try several and see what fits.

Candycoco · 21/02/2015 07:23

My dd is 11 this year and there is no way I'd let her wear that it's far too adult and sexy.

I'm struggling to see how choice/brand of bikini is even an issue between her friends? Unless you live in Malibu or somewhere, but if you are here in the UK I just cannot see how choice of swimwear would even be an issue for an 11 year old.

Agree that kids want the right stuff to fit in, but have never heard of it being about a bikini before! Especially one that is clearly cut for developed bodies and will look silly if it doesn't fit her properly.

Seriouslyffs · 21/02/2015 07:52

Is there a shop? I'd go down the bemused 'you don't buy swimwear without trying it on!?' route. Generally assistants are very good. Victoria Secret do (an admittedly slightly older) range called Pink for teenagers and have very good staff.

OneHandFlapping · 21/02/2015 07:54

Personally I'd say no. It is far too sexual for an 11 year old, and it's obvious that it won't fit a flat-as-a-pancake girl.

My argument to my DD would be along the lines of how expensive it is to send an American garment back (and that she would be paying for it), and the additional Customs charges she would have to pay.

UK websites and shops will be awash with bikinis in a couple of months, and she'll be able to get one for a quarter of the price.

I agree with Candycoco that it's odd that a bikini that she will hardly ever get to wear is the focus of the fitting in with friends thing. It was school bags for DD.

Trickydecision · 21/02/2015 08:12

I only have DSs, now adults, but I would be appalled to see my DGD in this at 11. I am entirely with Saucyjack and Mumbehaving.
It is all part of the march to pre-sexualise children, as exemplified by the Primark bras for small girls and babygros printed to proclaim the baby is sexy.

Mousefinkle · 21/02/2015 08:15

If she were 14/15 I'd say yabu but 11 is farrrr too young for a bikini FULL STOP IMO. I do love those bikinis and very much want one myself but I'm an adult so there's a difference...

There's a huge difference between eleven which is very much still a child and fifteen. Tell her she's too young and has plenty of bikini wearing years to come...

ScrambledEggAndToast · 21/02/2015 08:19

Far too grown up for an 11 year old. If I had a DD, I would say 14+ for something of that style.

defineme · 21/02/2015 08:27

I would say no. I would tell her it is designed for adult woman who want to look sexy in something that resembles underwear...which is absolutely their perogative.
Most of the 11 year old girls I know wear speedos. You'd be laughed out of ds' s swim club in that, but on holiday they also go for the more sporty vest style bikinis.

sassytheFIRST · 21/02/2015 08:29

My 12yo has been desperate for a bikini for a while now. She has translucently pale skin (redhead) so I'm reluctant from a health pov and she will have to cover it with a tshirt a lot of the time but I'll give in this summer. She's also flat as a pancake...

She can have one of the sporty ones that look like the kit worn by female sprinters. She may have different ideas but if I get her to try a couple of more sexy/inappropriate ones on and jump a bit in the changing room she will soon seen both sense and nipples!! Grin

Branleuse · 21/02/2015 08:37

id tell her that if she wants a bikini that's fine, but not an expensive one like that because the chances are she will be changing size and shape a lot, so she will get limited wear out of it, plus that one is pretty adult and will look silly

Izzy24 · 21/02/2015 08:45

When I was 12 my mother let me buy a wildly inappropriate fishnetty type bikini ( with my own money).

I was a tiny twelve year old and it hung off me, looking completely ridiculous . I was stuck with it, felt fed up that I had wasted my money, and was so relieved when one of my mum's friends took it off my hands for enough money to buy a 'normal' one-piece.

I'd let her buy it whilst at the same time discussing the reasons you would prefer her not to. There's no lesson like making a mistake .

VixxFace · 21/02/2015 08:48

I love it, I am going to get one myself. For an 11 year old NO WAY!!

gingerbreadmam · 21/02/2015 08:52

im 30 with an 11 year old dn. i would say im quite relaxed and the minute i saw that bikini i thought no way.

i was looking at bikinis in new look the other week and there seems to be a lot of surfer style ones in fashion which i think would be perfect for a preteen or even early teen who is getting used to their curves. crop top style bikinis are quite in, river island do a lot of that style too.

jack wills also worth a try if shes into that.

Justwhy · 21/02/2015 08:52

What is the returns policy? You know it's not going to fit so let her order it. She can try it on, it won't fit and she can send it back. You can discuss when it arrives your issues with it. She will probably also not actually want it when it arrives. At the moment it's a lovely picture on the Internet.

Then she can buy a My Little Pony one.

gingerbreadmam · 21/02/2015 09:00

would she like a style like this?

http://m.newlook.com/shop/womens/swimwear/lilac-strap-black-flounce-bikini-top-_326055855

springlamb · 21/02/2015 09:01

Here I have a gang of 13 yr old girls giggling in their sleeping bags after a sleepover.
I just asked them about Triangl and drew blank looks. I showed them the bikini which induced cries of yuck.
Mind you, I think this lot are at the age when (a) they don't need to 'pretend' they have breasts; and (b) it would be hideously embarrassing for it to be obvious that they have breast enough to fill this bikini. They are not looking forward to spring when they will have to abandon the thermal vests they wear under their shirts to avoid any sign of Strappage.

They are quite happy with crop tops and ten ton of eyeliner otherwise.
I suppose it depends on what stage emotionally you think your dd is at. It does sound to me that she is still at the 'pretend' stage.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/02/2015 09:04

I don't think choice of bikini is a moral issue. I would discourage her from having it because it's unlikely to fit well or suit her as its so lingerie. I also think the Asos one is worth a go because it's neon neoprene but a better shape. I have never understood wearing bikinis for swimming, for me they're for sunbathing and not moving very far. I know though that a one piece is uncomfortable/doesn't fit well for some people.

Original poster
clarad · 21/02/2015 09:21

pictish I like the bikini you suggested as I think the top piece would fit better but I'm still concerned about price!!!

Killasandra we live thirty mins away from the beach. DD is in the sea scouts so as it is warming up now and she will be going almost weekly in late spring/ summer. As well as that, we have a pool at home so she swims throughout the year in that with her friends. But, she is flat-chested. Completely.

Will look on Johnnie B now Eastpoint

Candycoco she's swims most days in our pool and is in the sea scouts. They wear their bikinis under the wetsuits when sailing.

She might be gingerbread I'll check with her today

I have come to the conclusion that the bikini is inappropriate, whilst being largely expensive, so I will say no. Thanks for the suggestions though, I will be distracting her with them today.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/02/2015 09:21

I must be an old prude but I don't like kids wearing bikinis.

Especially not like that first one.

Notso · 21/02/2015 09:35

I really don't think it's that bad, without seeing it on.
I'd probably be ok with my 14yo wear one she'd love the more colourful ones. The bottoms look a bit small though, she would prefer shorts.
I tried to persuade my DD to choose a bikini with more of a bra shaped top, she preferred the triangle type tops that tie with string which seem way more grown up.
Whether it fits properly or not is an issue. Also when would she wear it? DD's school don't allow bikinis for swimming and the local pool discourage them too. When DD wanted a bikini for holiday I initially thought no, but remembered my Mum not allowing me a bra for ages, or letting my shave my legs or talk about boys and the effect that had on me. She only wore it around the villa pool then with either a t-shirt or shorts on the beach.

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