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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my DD buy this bikini?

131 replies

clarad · 20/02/2015 23:43

Today was DD1's 11th birthday and she received some money from her great aunt who only had sons and nephews and DDs are her only great nieces so she spoils them a little bit.

In her school there is a trend with a very expensive brand of bikini's called Triangl bikinis. DD has decided she wants to buy one. I told her maybe but I didn't want to upset her on her birthday so I will discuss it with her later after having a nice chat with you ladies. She would like this bikini here in the smallest size available.

I don't want her to get it for a few reasons. Firstly, she's small for her age and I'm still not sure the smallest size would fir her at a size 4 adults? Also, she is too young to be buying designer clothes that will probably get ruined. Finally, it is just too expensive IMO at $89 (not sure how much in £££s).

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and that her money can be spent on whatever she wants. What do you guys think??

OP posts:
Thesuperswimmingdolphin · 21/02/2015 00:25

I'm not sure the bandeau one will stay in place. Does she have some quite well developed friends OP? I can't imagine many 11 yr olds filling a structured bikini like the first one but there will always be a few who can.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 21/02/2015 00:25

I think that ones ok pic I'm not sold on the zip bit but yeah it's better than the first one. I still like the one I linked to Wink. In fact if it wasn't so damn expensive I'd be buying it.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2015 00:25

Dolphin

When my DDs are grown ups, then they can wear what the Hell they like.

But at 11? Sod off.

I would apologise, but I'm not sorry for having morals.

pictish · 21/02/2015 00:28

Yes I suppose the zip is actually a disaster waiting to happen, if she's going swimming with kids her own age. I was thinking of it as more utilitarian that the basque, but you are right.

SistersOfPercy · 21/02/2015 00:28

I don't think your morals are being called into question saucy, more your idea that how a person, child or otherwise, dresses potentially make them a victim.

pictish · 21/02/2015 00:30

And OP make no mistake, that bikini top is modelled on a basque.

mathanxiety · 21/02/2015 00:34

Your DH is being silly and he doesn't know squat about bikinis.
That bikini is for teens or young women with boobs that are at least 34 B. When there's very little to fill out a cup, anyone standing beside you or looking down can see exactly what there is in there.

At age 11, unless she is fully developed, she needs a bandeau style bikini with straps or halter, or a tankini. One of my DDs still wears a style like this at 16 because of an AA cup measurement.

And she needs new friends if fitting in has become so important that she is willing to spend £89 to do so. Or she needs you to sit her down and talk sense into her and be prepared to be considered World's Most Horrible Parent. Instead of her spending money on a bikini she might be able to wear when she is 15, I recommend you get her 'The Smart Girl's Guide to Friendship' by Fiona Foden.

ChipDip · 21/02/2015 00:38

It looks cheap And definitely not appropriate on a child and she is a child.

CaptainHolt · 21/02/2015 00:42

It's a rare 11 year old who won't look ridiculous in a structured neoprene bikini. If 'all' her friends have one then can't she borrow one to check for sizing?

this is a pink girls bikini which may appeal but I suspect it's more the brand that she is bothered about than the actual fugly bikini

Koalafications · 21/02/2015 00:47

I didn't read Saucy's post like that at all.

cerealqueen · 21/02/2015 00:48

Your are the parent, you say what goes.

It is so hard reinforcing values - 'so and so has sweets and cake after school', 'watched whatever' inappropriate programmes'. When DD says 'I want', its hard saying ' please say Ii would like please....' or 'May I'. It is part of every conversation. I'm exhausted. It will reap rewards. I hope.

Ultimately, I say what goes, and in my house, that is an adult bikini and not for an 11yr old.

Koalafications · 21/02/2015 00:48

Oh and the bikini isn't appropriate for a pn 11 year old pre teen.

Koalafications · 21/02/2015 00:49

*an

Littleturkish · 21/02/2015 01:09

I think something like this is better for an 11 year old- and you can swap the bottoms for the short style ones, I think?

to not let my DD buy this bikini?
SaucyJack · 21/02/2015 01:19

Well I can phrase it in slightly less Frankie Boyle-esque terms if you'd prefer Percy, but it won't change my underlying sentiment that sending a child out in swimwear that's designed to accentuate her breasts and vulva is inappropriate.

If you want to dress your child like that then that's your decision.

WrappedInABlankie · 21/02/2015 01:29

I'd wear it but I'm 21 Grin

Tbh all the ones in this tread are ugly imo.

However I agree with the PP about the bikini isn't sexy it's just material. And if Gary glitter is going to perv over you then you could be wearing a speedo all in one or trousers and a Burker he'll still look.

I wouldn't put my kid in it because he's 2 and a boy

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 01:56

It's hideous! The colour and design is way too old for a pre teen. I understand that she wants to wear clothes like her friends, but it looks trashy not classy.

It looks better in neutral pastel colours if you want to compromise with her. But if it was my dd, hell no would she be seen wearing that in public!

passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 01:58

Also she's 11. Your the parent, if you don't want her wearing shit like that - grow some woman!

mathanxiety · 21/02/2015 02:39

It's not even a matter of colour or design. That balconette shape is for young women with actual boobs, as shown on the late teen model. It simply won't fit an 11 yo unless she has boobs.

missingmumxox · 21/02/2015 03:45

I agree with most posters here it looks too adult, and my own one it's ugly, it really is.

But it's her money let her make the mistake at this age, best place for it is American swimwear they are so ultra conservative it will have padding.

I lived in the US and I am conservative in my clothing and even I ranted and raved about the big knickers , bras and swimwear, they really don't do skimpy.

This week my 10 year old son is learning a expensive lesson in must have items, better know than with a credit card which can "fix" the problem

munchkinmaster · 21/02/2015 04:47

Here is my idealised view as the mother of infants.

I'd have a chat about who has one etc and unpick it as I don't think many girls will really be sporting a bikini like that. What would be different if she did have one ? What difference would it make to her friendships?

I also might go to a shop and find a similar style of top to it and let try it on and see how awful it was.

I can also see the logic in letting her but it as a lesson learned when it's unwearable but my concern is she might still want to wear the unwearable.

Or just say no.....

PastPerfect · 21/02/2015 05:07

I love it but not for an 11 year old - I'm assuming she just wouldn't fill it and therefore it's going to look strange.

The issue for me would not be the cost or a bikini per se but the fit and so id have a conversation regarding how clothes look better when they fit properly.

Tigerstripes · 21/02/2015 05:09

Where do you live OP? I'm assuming not the UK, as bikinis are not generally such a big deal. Here in Australia the girls do consider very carefully what bikini to wear so I can imagine in a similar hot environment 'everyone' may be wearing them. The young girls here 10/11 ish don't wear one piece swimsuits really. I would suggest compromising on another one from the same brand that is likely to fit her better. I agree with pp that a structured bikini of that sort won't fit a typical 11 year old chest anyway.

Mumbehavingbadly · 21/02/2015 05:44

Mine are now past this age but I'm of the hard core old school parenting style and I'd just say no!

Bikini's are a pita if you're diving into a pool, swimming, doing handstands on the beach, leaping over rock pools - the kind of things I expect an active 11 yo little girl to need a swim suit for. If you've got boobs you're mindful of them escaping and if you haven't you've got this thing riding up your chest.

At 11 a pretty crop top style with sporty shortie shorts or a fuller bottoms is ideal. You can find them with on trend patterns/detailing that go from aspiring Olympian to lazing on a tropical beach in style.

Girls and women are encouraged into these sedentary, posing and pouting roles often by the clothes they wear. High heels, short skirts, bodycon frocks, bikinis they're not designed for women who want to run, jump, climb,ride a bike, fly a kite, roll down a hill or wade through streams... the things I see 11 yo boys (often eagerly and energetically accompanied by their dads ) doing all the time.

Wearing what is essentially a bra and pants in public causes girls and women (subconsciously & consciously) to modify their movements to suit the constraints of the fabric. After all if you were happy to go nude, you would do but you're not so you've strapped three tiny triangles to your bits (hence the name of the company in OPs question)

I'm not bothered so much by what men or other people might think btw. Women have a right to dress how we want. If men/ others have an issue that's their problem to deal with so long as they don't act upon it and bother me or my child.

And yes there will be a time and a place in a woman's life when a padded pink neoprene bikini is a must have, to die for, fashion essential ..I've been there too... But an 11 year old isn't at that time and shouldn't really be at that place.

So own money or not .. it's a no from me and YANBU to not want her to buy it.

Killasandra · 21/02/2015 05:46

Can you tell us:
Where you live?
How often she wears a bikini?
Does she need a bra yet?

If she hardly ever wears a bikini I think my opinion would be diff to if she wears one every day.

And if she's already a D cup my opinion would be diff to if she's still in pre teen crop tops.

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