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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:40

No, I didn't own the properties before marriage: they came to me when dad and then brother died in 2011 and 2012 respectively.

Unfortunately, I have been married to 'D' H for far longer than that! But hopefully not for too much longer.

ssd - it's possible (though knowing STBX as I do not likely) that he will 'let" me keep 'my' properties but by demanding some sort of further sacrifice, probably with regards to his pension: I also suspect he's been stashing away a fair old amount in savings.

I concede I may well be UR but seriously - don't think my STBX is some sort of saint or martyr. It's quite worrying some of you see him like this as I am almost sure this is how he will present himself.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 20/02/2015 23:41

OP - going against the grain I totally get you - when my ex walked out (3 kids then aged 6,4 and 8 months) I was deverstated

BUT he said from day one he wanted their lives to remain the same - he earns similar to your ex but pays more - because he doesn't see why they should still have horse riding, a nice home, etc

What I would say though is that as a lone parent Tax credits will cover up to 75% of your childcare - I went back to work when my youngest was 10 mths - it was doable

but he should pay - he earns a lot and it's unfair

ssd · 20/02/2015 23:42

my gut would say let him have his pension and I'll keep the property, that was from your family x

AlpacaMyBags · 20/02/2015 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodyteenagers · 20/02/2015 23:50

Use the calculator mentioned in the thread. If you missed it, it's entitledto.

If you are generating £192 rental a week, you would get around £150 a week in child tax and child benefit.
You would get no benefits becuase
If the rental. This will increase when the 3rd child has arrived.

You need to contact tax credits
Asap to start the claim.

You will also get a 25% discount for council tax becuase of only
Adult in the family home.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:51

Alpaca, respectfully (genuinely) I don't really want or need to get into that. Far less than DH , put it that way! For someone on an almost £4000 monthly salary, £200 a week for three children's music lessons, sports, clothes, holidays, food, transport and other costs isn't a huge amount.

It was that, and that alone, I guess, I was Sad at.

For the children. Not me: I am not important l

ssd'thanks, I feel the same :) love to you Flowers

ghost thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:52

Thanks bloody will check that again on Monday as the information I had this week was that I was not entitled to anything!

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 20/02/2015 23:53

You personally nothing. The children maybe but it depends on the income from the properties. And of course savings in the bank.

mrsfuzzy · 20/02/2015 23:54

sorry if i've missed a post but if you own property isn't there means of selling one of them, just a thought.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 23:55

Not at the moment as it's DHs as well as mine.

Even in the future it's a possibility certainly but a bit rotten to the tenants as well as removing a source of income.

OP posts:
ssd · 20/02/2015 23:57

Thanks to you too

probably the citizens advice bureau is your best bet for info regarding help you may be entitled to.

FoodieToo · 21/02/2015 00:02

I genuinely do not understand this.

The op receives 800 pounds per month from her ex husband. He does not have to provide a single hour of childcare nor pay for another thing. He has 3 k a month and no responsibilities .

Op is left raising two, soon to be three kids alone. Two babies .

I am shocked that so many feel it up is ok for a man to father three kids , walk away and have no further responsibility than handing over 800 pounds a month .

WereJamming · 21/02/2015 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prh47bridge · 21/02/2015 00:44

If he is taking home £3800 per month his pay must be around £5500 per month - £66000 per year. That is probably a slight overestimate but it will do as a starting point.

By my calculations, on the CMS gross salary scheme that would give maintenance of around £960 per month. That is quite a significant discrepancy which suggests:

  • I've got the figures wrong (quite possible), or
  • He has other children he supports, or
  • His three children with the OP stay with him at least one day per week on average
limegoldfinewine · 21/02/2015 01:16

Your ex sounds like an asshole but I'm surprised based on what you've said that you are so bothered about money.

You inherited a lot of money upon the bereavement of close family and your ex who made a lot of income was abusive and terrible. Isn't the lesson here that money doesn't make you happy??? You will have property, savings, income and freedom. Is more money really that important?

And presumably the reason why most NRPs only pay 25% of their salary is that they usually have to set up an entirely new home out of the rest.

cakedup · 21/02/2015 01:19

Gosh OP you have been through a lot. I'm sorry to hear about your family and now your present situation.

FWIW I haven't had a penny from my ex but that is COMPLETELY irrelevant to your situation. My ex being a dick has no bearing on your situation!

I also don't think it's relevant whether you have a house, a job, a unicorn or whatever. The OP very clearly stated that your issue was whether the amount of money your ex was paying in child maintenance was enough considering how much he earned. The rest is irrelevant.

IMO no, it doesn't seem like much at all. I hope he will make it up in other ways by buying stuff for the kids. Don't worry about your teen being impressed with his dad's gifts compared to yours - it's just a simple case of him having more money than you. He can understand that.

Oswin · 21/02/2015 01:39

You have had a right kicking haven't you OP.
I get fuck all off dds dad. He never has her either. I still think Yanbu!
I think that where a woman has sacrificed her career to be a sahm there should be extra payments made for a few years.
Then once the rp is in work the nrp should pay half childcare fees.

masquerade · 21/02/2015 03:03

YANBU but you will be okay. You're pregnant and obviously going through a difficult time so its completely understandable that you're anxious. You've put up with his shit and now feel like you're still getting the crap end of the stick (less money, single parenthood etc), but you will have 3 lovely children and you're rid of him, this is definitely not the worst situation you (not compared to other people, just compared to your own alternatives) could be in.

You will raise your children and care for them every single day, they will have a bond with you that will not be broken by the offer of ipads.

Hopefully you might get some better news about benefits entitlement but even if not you will be okay.

On a practical note, have you thought about childminding? Not for everyone (I'm personally not too keen on other people's children) but it could be something to look into when your babies are a bit older.

Flambola · 21/02/2015 04:28

YANBU. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time.

It does seem a ludicrously small amount... Especially, if as you say, he might get one of your properties. That means no mortgage/rent to pay out of his salary. I can't imagine his bills would be very high either? He'd have quite the disposable income.

Antiopa12 · 21/02/2015 05:31

OP. Definitely make a claim for child tax credit. At present the award is made taking income into account not the value of a second property you own . The rental income (actually it's the profit not the total income from your properties) will be the figure that is needed for a claim not the value of the property. Make the claim now. if you delay and Universal Credit is introduced in your area you will not be eligible as Child tax credit will be rolled up into the Universal Credit wrapper and then the capital limits rules will apply and the value of your second property will be taken into account.

All the best OP. I also think you are getting a hard time here

Original poster
Stardustnight · 21/02/2015 07:44

Thanks for replies. As I've said, I wasn't 'complaining' about lack of money, more what Foodie said.

As for being 'bothered' about money, I will have around £1400 p/m from STBX's contribution, from the property that's let out and from CB.

I know some people are saying it is in fact an awful lot but to be honest I'm struggling to see it as such, I suppose.

OP posts:
kim147 · 21/02/2015 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Stardustnight · 21/02/2015 08:18

Thanks kim but just the same it's considerably less than I did have. I won't talk about money and spending on here, if you don't mind :)

OP posts:
GinnelsandWhippets · 21/02/2015 08:19

Flowers to you OP. The MN monty python appreciation society strike again with a brilliant take on the four Yorkshire men sketch.

kim147 · 21/02/2015 08:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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