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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised at how little STBX will have to pay

999 replies

Stardustnight · 20/02/2015 22:11

STBX is on a very good salary indeed and his living costs are low.

Despite this, according to the CSA calculator he will only have to pay £800 a month for 3 children, which compared to the amount of money he actually has, isn't a lot - £200 a week.

Am I being unreasonable to be feeling mildly disgruntled and short changed? Or am I grabby and entitled ?

OP posts:
pickledparsnip · 22/02/2015 15:08

Ok Spade I'll just agree with whatever you say. Let's harp on about how awful the ex is, and how shitty the situation is for ages. That will help make it all better. Stating the bleeding obvious doesn't change the situation, it creates a stagnant situation that doesn't move forward. We know the facts, so what can the OP do next?

Isithappening · 22/02/2015 15:12

1. It's my life, not EastEnders - I don't like that 'up to date' line, sorry.

It wasn't meant to be insulting, I was just trying to get my head around things before posting on the thread about things that might already have been clarified several times over by yourself and other posters. 700 posts is a lot to read. Perhaps I could have worded it differently but I was just trying to make it clear that I didn't want to repeat stuff that people have already said.

itwillgetbettersoon · 22/02/2015 15:17

I agree with you OP. 15% of net salary is not enough if you have to house kids, feed, clothe etc. I'm in your situation and my Exs contribution will just about cover the mortgage that I need to take out in order to pay him the equity he wants from our small house in the SE. How can anyone can think it is fair that a person can walk away from a family and only pay 15%. I appreciate that there are lots of parents that get nothing but it isn't a competition. OPs ex earns a good salary and they chose to have children together. I find it odd on MN that when money is mentioned one gets called greedy, stealth etc. Let us all work together to get absent parents paying the correct amount not slagging of the OP.

blueberrymuffffin · 22/02/2015 15:22

This reply has been deleted

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Madamecastafiore · 22/02/2015 15:23

Stardust you have every right to worry. It's tough going from one of a partnership to a single parent at the best of times let alone when you are pregnant and it is terribly unfair that men get to walk away a lot of the time and pay a token amount towards their children. I am sure you are nervous about how you are going to budget and cope all on your own. I know I would be.

As for the people saying you have no right timpani as some people out there get nothing, ignore them. We all have different lives and our worries and tribulations may seem self indulgent to some but they are ours and are just as legitimate.

Madamecastafiore · 22/02/2015 15:23

No right to moan?? Timpani??

demonchilde · 22/02/2015 15:26

Odd socks- Im not 'conveniently ignoring' anything. I am at at work thus my time to read and reply is limited.

But if you want to go down that route- I see you're conveniently ignoring the post I made to in reply to you doubting my own account of DV was genuine. perhaps you should consider how appropriate that is in the context of a DV account is concerned before repeatedly harping on about the tone or content of mine? I personally don't give a shit whether you believe me or not ( though why I would lie rather bemuses me) but I think you will find that it's actually quite important that DV victims are believed

Oh, and please don't bother with any 'that comment wasn't in relation to your post' nonsense. Actually, for the sake of clarity, perhaps it would be better if ppl could actually mention who their comments are aimed towards rather that vague references to 'cuntish replies' and so on.

blueberrymuffffin · 22/02/2015 15:30

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ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 15:31

Could I suggest you try reading the thread blueberrymuffffin ?

Isithappening · 22/02/2015 15:31

As the STBX has been abusive and controlling I would be very concerned that he may not stick to regular payments. I think it would be wise to have a plan in place about how you will cope financially if he doesn't pay the £800.
I'm not sure the calculation of £800 is correct as it should be 25% of salary for 3 children.
I do think the not being entitled to certain benefits due to savings is right though because we can't expect the state to financially support people who have savings and are in receipt of a rental income. Surely OP is expected to use some of those savings to replace what she would have been entitled to in state benefits, which means her income is more than the current £0?

I think any decent parent would pay more than the CSA calculated figure if they can afford to do so but sadly many don't.

Oswin · 22/02/2015 15:32

Blueberry muffin are you deliberately posting like a goady fucker?
After all the Op had been through you think you can say shit like that.
Fuck it if I get deleted, your an absolute twat.

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 15:34

I reported blueberrymuffffin's post.

Pagwatch · 22/02/2015 15:34

That's spot on EdSheeran

realgonekid84 · 22/02/2015 15:36

that was uncalled for blueberry

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 15:37

Pickled try reading what's actually been said.its not about saying there there there to star, but surely anyone can see its not fair and its not right. It's been stated time and time again why you and others are being unreasonable, and it's not because you have a different view, it's the way some views have been expressed.

Blueberry try actually reading the thread. Maybe these nrp should think about their current responsibilities before they start making new lives and families. Yes they are entitled to a new life, but not to give up the responsibility for their children.

3littlefrogs · 22/02/2015 15:37

Shock at blueberrymuffffin.

Words fail me.

lastlines · 22/02/2015 15:38

Blueberry muffin, don't you think that a wealthy man who had a decent bone in his body would ensure his children had a standard of living equal to his own? Even if £200 is enough to take good care of three children, if he is squandering surplus cash elsewhere while they live modestly, what does it tell them about the value their father places on them as people? Way lower than himself. When the rich are so greedy and tight they won't even share with their offspring I despair.

realgonekid84 · 22/02/2015 15:38

what about housing then blueberry. Op could live in a studio flat. Yoj can't do that with 3dc.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 22/02/2015 15:39

Blueberry you cannot possibly have read the thread to write a post like that.

Shodan · 22/02/2015 15:40

Nasty post from bluberrymufffin there.

Well done you. Do you feel better now?

Truly vile.

Spadequeen · 22/02/2015 15:40

Lets stop feeding the troll

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 15:41

Of course she can't have read it. That's why I felt I wanted to report her posts.

BunnyFint · 22/02/2015 15:43

This thread is a horrid example of Mumsnet at its worst. Pag, you have been spot on, I've also reported Blueberrymuffins vile cuntfart of a post.
I'm gobsmacked at the treatment the Op has received on this thread.

XiCi · 22/02/2015 15:45

Absolutely shocked that people like blueberrymuffin exist

Unless blueberrymuffin is some sad excuse of a man who thinks once he leaves a relationship the kids are no longer his responsibility

And I wish people would stop posting yabu because I get nothing, it's completely irrelevant to the OPs post

ilovesooty · 22/02/2015 15:45

Thanks BunnyFint

Glad I'm not alone in reporting.