Family angry over name change

[hopingforamiracle]

I've always hated my first name, it's a difficult to pronounce/spell Welsh name that I also think is hideous. My father speaks Welsh, and so he mostly chose it and convinced my mother to go along with it. I also have an ugly welsh middle name, but it's a bit easier to pronounce and spell.

Anyway, I decided to change my first and middle name legally, and my family are angry about it, think it's stupid and mock me. They still call me by my old name, and my father told me I was being disrespectful to him for changing it. and he would never ever call me anything but my birth name.

As a kid growing up, I always wanted a pretty name that didn't make me stand out, like Chloe or Emily. I felt ugly because of my name and it just constantly reminds me of the difficult childhood I had with my home life and at school. Nobody is supportive of my name change which makes me feel like my choices and opinions don't matter. AIBU?

If changing your name will make such a difference to your confidence then your family will just have to learn to accept it.

Life is too short to be unhappy about something which can be changed.

I can understand why your dad is a bit upset, but he should, and when he calms down probably will, be more concerned with your happiness than his own pride.

I love Welsh names, so I'll be as much use a a chocolate teapot here... And I can understand your dad's inclination to preserve your family's Welsh heritage. Also, as a parent, I can imagine I would feel hurt if any of my children wanted to change their names, because I put a lot of thought into choosing their names and obviously I think they're nice names!

On the other hand, you are an adult and perfectly entitled to change your name if you wish, and it would be better if your father would accept that it's your choice as an adult. Unfortunately many parents infantilise their adult children and don't recognise them as autonomous people. So your father's reaction to your name change might be part of a bigger problem.

There's probably not much you can do about your father's reaction, so it's best if you don't make a big deal out of it. Just quietly get on with living as an adult and making your own decisions, as independently as possible. This will be harder if you still live at home, so if that's the case you might start thinking about ways to move out.

Thats crappy hoping :( im a welshie and even I trip over 'g' names sometimes.
Some welah names are super pretty like seren serien and some are cool like llew or bryn or angharad but yup, some are right fucking faff and non welsh speakers can be very difficult when you are simply telling them your name.
I had the opposite problem to you- a very very english name in a very welsh village meant I got the piss taken.
Cwtch's and blodau for you

hoping tell me to shut up if this isn't helping...

My dad did the same thing to me, which is why I then asked him if my actions had made him stop loving me. He went white, red, blustered and left.

But he did come round. Mums says that my question shocked him, more than anything else either me or sis had ever done. But his stiff neck didn't let him discuss it, he just stopped being unreasonable and pretended the argument hadn't happened.

If you can't do that, or something similar, you only have 2 choices:

1. Stick with your birth names, retain your dad's idea of you;
2. Sod 'em all and be who you want to be

I hope you can find a way of resolving it... or escaping from it into independence.

I'd be really hurt if my kids wanted to change their names, but hopefully I'd get over it!

That said, for years I hated my name & used to think how bloody stupid it was that the thing you were lumbered with for life(at the time was young & didn't realise that you could change it) you didn't get to choose yourself!

Op is your dad very old?

I'm old enough to be your mum & I hope that I'd be (as I said hurt,) but a hell of a lot more understanding.

Anger, mocking & calling you stupid.

Way OTT.

I'd have to stop seeing them.

I can't ever imagine ever treating my children like that.

My dad was very young when I was born, and saddled me with a Welsh name that no one can spell, (including my mum) and I always thought ugly. He never went back to Wales, and I never lived there, so there is no longer any living connection.

I always wanted to be called Susan .

I was always quiet, lacked confidence, went to a school where I knew no one and it makes you stick out like a sore thumb in not a very good way. It is fine if you are among lovely educated and accepting people, but here weren't that many in my grammar school Or if you have loads of confidence and want to stand out from the crowd.

It is lovely to have a name with a history to it or that was meaningful to your parents, but you are you and have your own life to lead and if you are not happy with it, it can saddle you with outside expectations.

I've sort of got over it now - my middle name was a bit meh so not much better, and I can see the limitations of Susan. I like to think of myself as just me, not a name.

Your name, your choice, and I think your father needs to realise that he might be a bit hurt/sad but this is not an issue worth getting upset and insulted over

my 14 year old recently stopped using the full version of her name (irish name) and now goes by a shortened version which sounds/looks like a full (and different) name itself. I was a bit sad as I picked her name because it is beautiful but her name/her choice. took a few weeks to get used to it and now it is perfectly normal to us all.

I know another girl who changed her name completely at a similar age. Her family hated that she did this (she had the female version of her dead grandfather's name which mattered to them) and said they wouldn't go along with it etc. The name was very different - think Patricia becomes Emily. But she stuck to her guns and now she is never known as anything but Emily and her family never reference the other name.

hoping
My Grandmas name was Blodwen , she hated it .
When she came up to London to work as a nurserymaid , the family couldn't pronounce it and called her Blondie which she much preferred and kept

If it makes you happier and more confident with your new name , then that's fine , it's better

Your family will get over it , let them have their sulky jokes for the moment and you can move on

my Niece changed her name from a (in my view) lovely classic name to (in my view) totally chavvy name that i hate

its really hard to call her the 'new' name, but part of me thinks 'its her choice'

a girl I used to know changed her name from something fairly ordinary to something a bit exotic, at first it seemed odd and a little pretentious but I soon got used to it and I thought of her under her new name.

I'd not be at all offended if my children wanted to be known by different names and I quite like the idea that we are free to define ourselves be called by a name of our own choosing rather than put up with something we dont like.

OP it's as if your family see you primarily as something belonging to them rather than a separate person, perhaps they dont realise how unkind they are being.
They sound conservative to say the least and perhaps just feel threatened by change and the idea of someone breaking ranks?

I'm not sure what the best way to deal with them would be...maybe they'll come round in time.
Are there other people in your life who are happy to respect your wish to be known by a new name?

I changed my first name by deed poll when I was 23 and have been that name longer than my original name. My Dad didn't really call me by name for a number of years but then got used to my new name.
One of my daughters changed her classic name to a shortened version that isn't really from that name - but could be (iyswim) when she was 17. She's been that name for 17 yrs now and I got used to it very quickly. It isn't easy when you've chosen a name for your children and they want to change it but I certainly couldn't complain!

I love Welsh names and grew up in Wales so have no problem pronouncing or spelling them. I went to school with several Angharads and thought it a nice name but a bit awkward for shortening. One of the Angharads I knew had a little sister called Non, which I did think was a bit of a strange one but no-one ever made fun of it (as far as I know).

I had several Welsh names on my potential kids' names lists but my husband poo pooed them all. Ianto was my top boy name and Myfanwy was one of my girl names. My husband hated Ianto (not sure why) and he said that Myfanwy would be shortened to Fanny. So we had neither name and went with (quite old fashioned to some) quite traditional names, but not that common ones.

I think that if you want to change your name because you hate it that much, or it causes you problems, then it's up to you as a grown woman to make that choice and change it. If your family can't respect that then that's their problem. As a previous poster has said - refuse to acknowledge them if they call you by your old name. It's not about hurt pride, it's about lack of respect for you as an adult to make your own decisions.

Its your name and you van do what you please with it.
My name is normal to Me but I always wished from a little girl it was double barreled to my middle name and all it would take is a simple - , as then it would be a pretty name IMO.

I think your family are being unressonable and if they are decent they will come round.

No YANBU. I think you are brave. I feel exactly the same as you about my name but i am not brave enough to change it because i know my family would be offended.

it's putting the honour of the clan above the autonomy of the individual, and as such anachronistic

does your family have any leverage other than disapproval OP...are you dependent on them for anything?

Well I'm trying to find a place to live so I can move out and gain some independence. Part of me is looking forward to it but on the other hand because I don't have any friends I will be very lonely. I'm hoping the HA I've applied with will allow me to have a cat to keep me company

Can I just ask, how are Blodwen and Angharad pronounced in English?

I know a Delyth, gorgeous name but she doesn't like it.

OP, would you accept your parents calling you the old name if everybody else called you by the one you chose? In my family I can think of three people including DP who are only known by their 'Sunday' name by their parents. I dunno, you are an adult now but I'm not sure you can tell your parents what to call you. I think they might be a special case.

The bit that stands out for me is that it reminds you of the 'difficult childhood you had with your home life and school'. I get a sense that having a fresh start where you become more in charge of your own happiness is a big part of the change. Your DF's reaction seems unkind and controlling. If this is indicative of how he was when you were growing up, I don't blame you for distancing yourself from 'his' name that he gave you. In that case, I would say that your family's reaction is the very reason why you should insist on forging your own identity. Good for you.

YANBU - you have given it plenty of time and you still don't like it,so it isn't a sudden whim. I wouldn't bother explaining any more. Just stick to 'I'm sorry that you don't like it' and change the subject. Don't bother taking any notice when they go with the old one- it doesn't really matter if everyone else goes with it.
There are some parents with very odd ideas with names, they get their way when young but there is no need to suffer it for ever.

I know several people who have changed their names, it seems odd to start with but you very quickly get used to it.

Well done you for taking such a brave and progressive step in changing your life for the better. In my experience I have learned not to depend on my family for encouragement or support, but rather to detach for them, encourage and support myself, and reach out to encourage and support them where I can, without over stretching myself.

New name, new start, new life. The changing of a name can be a very powerful thing.

Morris

They're both pronounced as they are spelt. Blodwen has emphasis on the second syllable and with Angharad, each of the three syllables are equally emphasised so Ang-hah-rad (I am really not good at writing phonetic pronunciations!). I think with the latter that is why English people struggle with it, it's unusual for a name to not have a dominant syllable.

I can easily understand why a bearer of Delyth or Blodwen wouldn't like it, even if they'd grown up in Wales, never mind elsewhere.

op - really hope this change helps with giving you the positive fresh start you want. As I said in a previous post, life is too short to be made miserable by something changeable. Also hope your family come round.