Mean to not have asked him to get off? At the park

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Took ds to the park, it was on the way back from somewhere and getting dark so was only spending 15 minutes there at the most.

The park had completely emptied apart from one little girl. It's a big park, lots to do. Ds headed straight for a single swing, there are other swings but this one is a bit different.

The little girls parents called her to go home all within 60 seconds of us arriving. The little girl started crying that she wanted to go on the swing again before she went and stood by the swing ds was on. She stood there all arms crossed and grumpy faced waiting for him to get off.

For a second I thought I might ask him to let her have a go but thought better of it as she had the whole park to choose from.

Her parents stood there for 2-3 minutes before calling her away.

Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn.

I disagree too. Not my job to teach lessons OR placate. If we go to the park and my kids go on unoccupied equipment then it's their turn, and that's as far as my interest in the situation goes.

Yep. I'd have let DS finish his turn. Not too long - but finish his go.

(Standing with arms folded and sulky face gets you nowhere in our house )

Or mine.

I would not have given in to the little brat girl sulking and stropping. I don't give in to it with my own kids, so I won't with any others either.

The other day I certainly told my twelve year old daughter in no uncertain terms to stop behaving like an entitled brat when she went off on a rant about a pair of jeans I had washed that weren't yet dry. She went off and sulked to herself in her room, which suited me just fine.

I must be such a mean and neglectful mother.

Woah! Just got back from my haircut, I don't think fanjo was rude, sharp, yes, mean, ooooooooooooooooh yes, most certainly, but she was sharing MN etiquette tips, gratefully received by the way

Sorry, newrule.... I don't think it is about 'having the power' either. Just not teaching kids to be a doormat in case someone views them as being mean! That struck me as parents managing their kids so as not to be seen negatively by others.

It's a balance (no, that would have been a see-saw, not a swing problem), about being equitable. Earlier posters weighed in with one pov, I came in later with another.

Have you ever watched the peppa pig episode where Granpa pig tries to be fair on the playground ( yes I know I need to get out more) ..This post reminds me of this.

I would not of moved my child who had just sat on it. I always give my DS a warning before it is time to go.

I just asked DD (9) for her opinion. She said to give the other little girl a go as she was about to go. And I agree with her.

What was special about the swing btw?

Fanjo was the 'wee girl's' mum

YANBU OP

I don't think ywbu.

Yes I was. Even though my DD is 8.

I wasn't sharing etiquette tips.

I thought you were annoyed from your words. I misinterpreted. When you said "I'll remember" just made a joke.

Despite.pictish stirring and telling me off like I am a kid at school.

If i was being sharp and mean I wouldn't have made a

Plus I wouldn't get sharp and mean over a kiddie swing incident.

Honestly how ridiculous.

The problem with encouraging our children to link self-esteem to taking priority in order not to be a doormat, is that it is destined to lead to wobbly self-esteem. So what happens when that priority is not forthcoming? The child should feel like a nobody? As sure as anything, all of us will have to first not being or getting priority either willingly or not. Self-esteem is fed from within and is about how you feel about yourself and the things you choose to do or not do. If you must enforce your right to be first in order to fuel your self-esteem then it must be pretty fragile and based on a feather in the wind.

It is wise to choose our battles rather than fight the littlest thing to be first.

If you look around, you will see that our society is full of people with 'high self-esteem'; rude, selfish, unmannerly, overly aggressive, feeling entitled with no responsibility for mistakes, etc. Yet we seem to be no better off for it.

You should see some of these high self-esteem people on trains and buses refusing to give the elderly and pregnant their seats.

I accepted it as a joke, fanjo. Rather hoped you'd take my response in the same vein!

Hey ho!

So what if Fanjo is wee girl's mum? I guess all of us (zzzz, you too) who advocate for kindness in this most simple of situations are related to wee girl?

My son always gives things up if another child snatches off of him. I think I would have let him have a short turn then swapped over. I think that's a fair compromise. I wouldn't want to teach him that sulking gets your own way.

And I think that the 'wee girl's' parents should have been advocating for kindness and fairness on her part too!

Gosh I think my mind must be in the gutter. I thought this thread was going to be about your DH asking you for a bit of hanky panky in the park after dusk :-).

kindness would have been spotting her waiting patiently and letting her have a go.

or responding to a "please can I have a quick go before I leave?"

it certainly isn't letting g a child stood their huffing g and stropping and giving up a fair go.

I would Have let my child have a few mins first then given her a go. I would not take him off immeadiatly another child came over wanting a turn if he's only been on a tiny bit.

By the same token many a time I have taken DS away from something when he is screaming or crying and spoiling someone else's go.

I wouldn't let DS cry by one swing in an empty park, I would have directed him to something else to wait for a last go, or just taken him home.

Kids all scream and cry when they want a turn at times at that age the girl was nothing out of the ordinary, mine do it and I'm sure pretty much everyone's DC has had a day like it.

DS used to HAVE to go on the only swing someone else was on it was a right pain in the arse.

If the wee little girl's mum came on here to ask advice, then I am sure we would all say that she should teach the little one to ask politely. But that's not that thread. The OP asked about her behaviour. In any case, the point is both sides could have behaved differently and achieved a better outcome. One is no more 'right' than the other.

By the way, I assume all little ones have their fair share of stropping and sulking? Wee little girl should have asked but hey, the day at the park is done. OP felt guilty and wee little girl went home feeling sad for about 5 mins. Next time she will return the favour of not giving a turn on the slide to some other wee sulky stropper

Terry our minds were in sync at the same time - not unusual for little kids to be stroppy.