Mean to not have asked him to get off? At the park

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Took ds to the park, it was on the way back from somewhere and getting dark so was only spending 15 minutes there at the most.

The park had completely emptied apart from one little girl. It's a big park, lots to do. Ds headed straight for a single swing, there are other swings but this one is a bit different.

The little girls parents called her to go home all within 60 seconds of us arriving. The little girl started crying that she wanted to go on the swing again before she went and stood by the swing ds was on. She stood there all arms crossed and grumpy faced waiting for him to get off.

For a second I thought I might ask him to let her have a go but thought better of it as she had the whole park to choose from.

Her parents stood there for 2-3 minutes before calling her away.

Ds is the most sharing child you could meet really he's always the one standing at the bottom of the slide letting all the other kids go first, he's always very patiently waiting for toddlers to decide if they want to go down the slide and stopping bigger kids from bashing into them so I thought sod it he's having his turn.

Back from swimming which was very uneventful!

Just to answer a few points.

What's so special about the swing? Absolutely nothing, you can only take my word for it but I'm positive that she only wanted it as it was taken, kids just do that don't they sometimes.

Some people saying it was a non event, I agree but I was reading another thread about toddlers snatching and it reminded me of this, and well I just like chatting on here about the small things.

Someone mentioned about not linking self esteem to having your turn, I guess it's less about self esteem and more about being assertive. I've noticed ds more often than not being pushed to the back of the queue by more bolshy children, having things snatched, could give loads of boring examples but he's even given things away because of pestering, so just want him to start feeling it's ok to say no sometimes.

Good point about undermining the parents, they had told her to go home and she had a tantrum, they stood staring I took it that they expected ds to move but they might have been giving her chance to do as she was told as shortly afterwards they did make her go still stomping her feet.

She'll spin the swing round until it's really tight and then let it go and you'll feel sick, fanjo. then you'll be sorry

Someone waiting, 5 minute go on whatever playground equipment it is, imo.

YANBU

Her parents had already told her it was time to go and she whinged for 'one last go' on the only piece of equipment that was occupied.

It was her parent's job to say 'no, we've said it's time to go and someone else is using the swing now'.

Not your job to indulge/placate some whiny mare who ignores her parents.

Learning to share is a valuable lesson.
As is learning to wait your turn.
While the girl appeared younger, she might be small for her age and actually older than DS.
Whatever - her parents should not have let her stand there with arms crossed and a grumpy expression. She didn't get what she wanted, when she wanted it because somebody else was on the swing. It isn't going to scar her for life, or even ruin her day.
I hope that I am misreading some posts that seemed to imply DS should have given up the swing because a little girl wanted it. her sex is immaterial. And if she is old enough to be using the playground equipment without her parents being very close at hand then she is old enough to understand about waiting her turn.

Now even sexism is being brought up. Bullying, sexism, a 4 year's typical day at the swing/park.

Newrule I think one poster came across as implying that the swing should be given to a little girl as opposed to an older boy. It may not have been meant that way though.

OP is responsible for teaching her son life's lessons. What the weegirl's parents choose to do or not do is not her problem.

I suspect giving the wee girl a turn on the swing would have left no permanent self-esteem damage or other scars. Depending on how it is handled it could be quite a positive experience for weeboy

One of my most hideous parenting events was similar. Over ten years ago. I took severely autistic non-verbal ds1 to the park. He had a routine - rock back and forth on the rocker thing, three or four pushes on the tyre swing, then down the slide & then he was free to play freely in the park. It was normally empty but this day he arrived at the swing seconds after a girl. So on she got & her mother started pushing. And pushing. And pushing. Pretty soon ds1 was biting himself, whacking his head on the ground, screaming, trying to get on the swing. I tried to get him out the park but he was too strong. The girl tried to get off and the mother said 'you're staying on there' and put her back in. Five bloody minuted she kept her in therd with all hell breaking lose. Anyway eventually she got out, ds1 had two pushes & moved into the slide.

Silly cow.

It is a source of terminal frustration to me when people persuade their child to give something to my son when he's being a pain about having a turn. I know they mean it nicely and they are being kind, but it causes me a problem because
a) I don't want my son to grow up thinking that he gets what he wants by stropping and
b) I think feel obliged to ensure that he has a very short turn on something to allow the original person back on, so the drama is only just over before it's beginning again.

I know that they think they are being nice by helping avoid a scene or tantrum, but it does lead to some awkward 'No no - it's your turn, he will just have to wait' moments which I then worry I am doing the same back to them and they are trying to teach their child not to be a swing hog!

I know that the parents weren't really involved in this situation beyond the initial call to go home, but I always tend towards backing up what the parents have said, so I wouldn't have wanted to go against their telling her that it was time to leave by creating the opportunity for her to disobey them. IYSWIM. Completely aside from the whole dynamic between the children, I think as a parent I would have done the only thing I really could to back them up.

Saintly that is dreadful.

I think some.posters here would have done the same, sadly.

Oh didn't know fanjo. Apologies Katie. Don't agree that gender matters.

Saintly sorry to hear that. When people feel the need to behave that way you have to wonder what's going on inside.

I do believe we should be assertive, bold and stand our ground. However, we cannot fight about everything. When have the opportunity to be kind, it won't diminish us if we are.

Yanbu.

pictish put it perfectly on page 1.

That girl might have been the only 1 there for 30 minutes previously so why at her home time does she get to kick OP DS off the swing when he has 15 minutes?

Nancy You really think Question Time Answers questions of national importance?

It isn't the what but how. The only questions being answered are the ones politicians can spin for their own purpose. Same thing happens on MN all the time.

Saintly I appreciate that sounds horrible, I try to always keep an open mind that there might be more to a situation.

Not the same at all though this girl wasn't hurting herself and was easily small enough to be picked up by her mum or dad.

Nope, I wouldn't have made my child get off in that situation. Mine share and are encouraged to be kind and take turns and all that, but her parents had asked her to leave, your DS had just got on, nobody would've won if you'd then said "come on, DS, give her a turn".

YS here is a swine for only wanting something when ES has it. Awful as it is (for him, and for my eardrums) he has to learn than he can't demand stuff other kids have. I daresay he'll still be learning when he's 47 because he's ridiculous. But I don't back down.

Ywnbu op. Only on mn could you be made to feel that you should have martyred yourself and ds so that a stroppy brat child could get her own way. After all she's just a poor wee girl and you may have hurt her feelings.
Bollocks.

Yes. Giving a kid a shot on a swing is martyring yourself"

I don't think it's martyring yourself but in that very specific situation I think the op was perfectly justified in allowing her DS to continue with his turn.

Taking him off the swing would have done what for the little girl? Taught her that other people taking their turns can be overridden by what she wants?

It would have given her a shot on a swing.

I doubt one incident is going to profoundly shape her way of thinking.

Then one incident of not getting her own way will not harm her either.

Fanjo

It always is little by little. If she gets her way once, it will make the next time more difficult... and who knows? If the next mum was just like you, the it gets even harder because previously, it worked in her favour. This can continue endlessly, and seriously, kids who never learn how to handle rejection early on in life are not great to deal with later in life.

You may think you have the best intentions, but history can tell you that the "best intentions" are very often not right.

You and the OP are not her parents.

So the OP taught the little girl a valuable lesson. Her son and her conscience?

OP's son had a right to be on the swing but he had an opportunity to be kind. Although I like the idea of 'it takes a community to raise a child' it is not for the OP to be concerned about what lesson to teach or not teach wee girl.

I can't believe I am still on this thread. .

Not mean. If it was so important to other child's parents they could have delayed leaving.