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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We do love a wedding one, don't we?

403 replies

patienceisvirtuous · 20/02/2015 09:04

My first aibu wedding thread (I think!).

So DP's close friend called round to our house to tell DP that him and his DF had booked their wedding for next Summer, in Italy. He told DP they are having an intimate wedding, hiring a villa for the week (cost to be split by guests) and as guest list only extends to 20 people, they are only inviting DP and not me.

DP said he felt put on the spot at the time so mumbled something about speaking to me and getting back to him. DP rang me straight afterwards to say no way was he going and he thought it was outrageous to invite him to Italy for a week without me.

For context, DP and I have been together two and a half years. We're engaged and have bought a house together. We're also ttc and had two mcs last year. They know all this. I get on with both bride and groom and have met them about ten times since I met DP.

Also for context, their guest list comprises mainly family, two single friends of the bride, a mutual couple friend of the b&g, and two friends of the groom (the other friend of groom is in a new relationship).

I know it's their wedding, their choice and it's an invite not a summons yada yada, but aibu to think this is pretty shitty?! I feel put out and so does DP and tbh they've gone down in our estimation.

OP posts:
Notso · 25/02/2015 11:06

I'm not sure the whole point of the thread is simply the inviting of only one half of a couple. OP has said this has happened before with a UK wedding and her DP went and she was fine with it. She said if this wedding was in the UK it would be a different issue.

I think the realisation that they as a couple are not as important to the couple getting married as they thought they were and that hurt has caused them perceive this as a sleight against the OP.

salthill · 25/02/2015 13:33

I'm not sure the whole point of the thread is simply the inviting of only one half of a couple.Notso*. I said the whole point of the thread was about inviting one half of a couple and expecting him to pay for the privilege.
But you say "the realisation that they as a couple are not as important to the couple getting married as they thought they were......"
So we agree then. Smile

Charley50 · 26/02/2015 12:26

Thursday today. Grin

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 16:42

Haha!! Not long now hey [shocked] ...poor DP

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 16:42

Smiley fail

Shock
OP posts:
Leeds2 · 26/02/2015 17:27

Is he dreading the conversation, or chilled with it all?

Thumbwitch · 26/02/2015 19:38

Come on, is he back from footy yet?

BartholomewCrouch · 26/02/2015 20:11

I've just come on MN after a few days off to find out what the fallout is.

I've got loads going on in my life. Honest.

How late will he be OP? I can't decide whether to go to bed or not.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 20:27

Hello everyone. He's back!

All a little underwhelming really...

DP said he told groom he had thought about it but wouldn't want to attend without me so wouldn't be able to book up.

He said groom looked a little crestfallen but said 'fair enough... I am gutted you won't be there though mate'.

He said groom made a joke re him being under the thumb. DP said he just laughed it off rather than making a point.

All sorted :)

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 20:29

No alternatives were proffered...

OP posts:
BartholomewCrouch · 26/02/2015 20:34

Ah well I can go to bed now.

All well handled OP, just a shame you couldn't give us more drama Wink.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 20:39

I know, I was tempted to exaggerate just to tell you all something more interesting :o

OP posts:
Pokeymont · 26/02/2015 20:48

Glad it's all sorted and I'm thankful you didn't exagerate unlike all the other wedding threads Wink

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 20:52

Leeds btw, he was pretty relaxed about it! I would have been dreading it!

OP posts:
BartholomewCrouch · 26/02/2015 21:07

Does your DP think we are all weird for caring?

I told my DH that I was just popping on MN to see if a womens DP had told his mate he wasn't going to his wedding.

My DH looked confused shook is head but said nothingGrin.

Original poster
patienceisvirtuous · 26/02/2015 21:15

Haha Bart, thanks for caring! :)

DP doesn't know about this thread Blush

He knows I am always on MN though :o

OP posts:
Charley50 · 26/02/2015 21:34

Thanks for sharing OP. Part of me wishes you had over egged this part of the pudding but it's all good. I'll have to find another top thread. Maybe get back to us when you get married and don't invite one of them!!
Also.. I wonder if their is a forum for men who feel they have lost their OHs to MN addiction?

Charley50 · 26/02/2015 21:35

I mean there.

Thumbwitch · 27/02/2015 01:32

Ha. Well I'm glad it's sorted, even if it was a bit anticlimactic - but didn't your DH protest re. the "under the thumb" jibe? I'd have expected him to at least say "no" to that!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/02/2015 06:18

Hurrah OP. Thanks for the update.
under the thumb Angry

diddl · 27/02/2015 07:21

So did his friend not believe that OPs husband didn't want to go without her??

Perhaps he should have said "use annual leave & sub the villa of your choice? Jog on mate!"

JessieMcJessie · 27/02/2015 10:10

I don't hold out much hope for B&G's marriage if G thinks that not wanting to go on holiday without your fiancee is being "under the thumb". He of all people should be madly in love and understand this completely.

What a tosser.

salthill · 27/02/2015 18:05

Somehow I think the groom to be is the one who's going to be "under the thumb".

TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/02/2015 18:12

I would be not looking forward to the stag do. A week in amsterdam?

Thumbwitch · 27/02/2015 18:25

He might not get invited to the stag do, as he's not going to the wedding. I've known a few people who only invite "wedding attendees" to the stag/hen dos.