to be sad that I'm not the parent i thought i would be?

[MyMilkshakesBetterThanFours]

I'm totally depressed with myself. Before I was a parent I really and truly believed I would never do the following:

I would never shout at my child
I would never feel so irritated with my child that I would want to actually cry/ resort to violence (no violence ever perpetrated, regular tears in the loo with the door shut)
I would want to talk to my child all the time
And I would never ever be like the woman on the bus ignoring her child

I could not have conceived that I would actually do the following:

Say things like 'you need to learn to be agreeable' - to a 4 year old, while saying that all games on the tablet would be removed until the lesson of 'being agreeable' is learnt (wtf was i thinking)
Absolutely insist that the 4 yo spends at least 2 hours in the garden running about both days of the weekend
Book day camps during half term because I just cant cope with the energetic 4 yo and new baby at the same time
Cook nothing more exciting than pasta and sauce / potatoes and vegetables
Worry constantly that I am either too harsh/ too soft/ too absent/ too present/ too helicopter/ too relaxed.

AIBU?

You sound like a normal parent to me...

What is a four year old doing with a tablet and how does a four year old know what is "agreeable"??

Yanbu, perfectly normal!

Def nbu.

I had no clear idea of what kind of parent I'd be but I was devastated to resort at all your above. Especially when with a 4yo snd a baby like you are. (I struggle pd with guilt and inadeguacy and failure too).

I tell you what though, it gets better and I can say that I am also the parent I wished mine were and more.

You will see how great you are and will learn to firgive yourself.

I became a parent first at 18. One the one hand, it's been very difficult for many reasons over the years. My son is 18 now, and I also had twins who are now ten. What I found is that the baby years were so easy as a youngster, but the elder child part has become harder and harder. The twins were much easier mentally although physically nearly killer.

The thing I noticed was friends who had 1st dcs older really struggled with the change in their established lives.

I have happily lived with the motto, 'be mediocre at everything' because that way I don't need to be perfect, just good enough.

And the most important thing, is you care and want to be a good mum.

Yep, you're normal like the rest of us. It's fine

Hmmm... Sounds fairly average!

Give yourself a break youbhave a new baby so that's hard.

Ditch the tablet though, it's not rally needed is it?

Ach my four year old loves her tablet, too. Everything in moderation.

I could have written this.
I have also occasionally resorted to actual violence-may as well call it that rather than the euphemistic 'smacking'. Not proud, always apologise.

I think / hope we are just normal parents trying to do our best whilst keeping sane.
Nobody is perfect.

"What is a four year old doing with a tablet and how does a four year old know what is "agreeable"??"

Why would you say this? Why?

Our four year old loves the iPad, dont
see any problem with that.

Thanks for all posts... relieved to feel a bit more normal, just very down about it all. about the agreeable thing - i know, that's the point, i cant believe i said it either... a nonsensical piece of parenting, obviously

Oh my god, please be nicer to yourself, you sound like a perfectly normal Mum. My 4 year old plays on the iPad sometimes, I've had conversations with him (mainly one-sided) about the Geneva Conventions rules on torture when he's refused to sleep at night, all perfectly fine.

Nobody parents the way they think they will; you wing it, you make mistakes and you learn constantly. Keep swimming, your children are loved, well-fed, happy and secure. Nothing else matters.

You've got a new baby. Go easy on yourself. You're doing just fine :).

It's life. The days where I'm rubbish and the shouting harpy in me takes over. I retreat to bed for an early night and tell myself I will do better tomorrow

Thanks - tears in eyes over here. it is bloody hard though isnt it

Ad yeah, you'll find yourself saying all sorts of nonsensical stuff to them through the years. ES wanted to quit swimming lessons not so long ago and we ended up having a huge bust-up about 'life-skills' and 'essentials'. He doesn't give a toss for life-skills, why would I even think he cares? Because I want him to care.

He still goes, though.

Both my husband and I have caught ourselves telling our 5 year old to stop being so childish

Yup, know where you're coming from.

I was a wonderful parent until I had children.

sometimes when he screams 'no' in my face really loudly when i've asked him very politely and mildly to carry his bag as I'm holding the baby I need to give him time out in the car just so i can calm down - i really don't see other people doing that

Yes it is really, really hard. I tie myself in knots daily over how to be a better (perfect) mum.

I was a wonderful parent and a wonderful teacher too before I had children

(im not a teacher, i just thought they were all mean to the kids, becuase kids are amazing all the time, right, and precious human beings)

There's a lot of things you don't see!

It is bloody hard. I read something the other day that described small children as pint-sized dictators. So true!