to be sad that I'm not the parent i thought i would be?

[MyMilkshakesBetterThanFours]

I'm totally depressed with myself. Before I was a parent I really and truly believed I would never do the following:

I would never shout at my child
I would never feel so irritated with my child that I would want to actually cry/ resort to violence (no violence ever perpetrated, regular tears in the loo with the door shut)
I would want to talk to my child all the time
And I would never ever be like the woman on the bus ignoring her child

I could not have conceived that I would actually do the following:

Say things like 'you need to learn to be agreeable' - to a 4 year old, while saying that all games on the tablet would be removed until the lesson of 'being agreeable' is learnt (wtf was i thinking)
Absolutely insist that the 4 yo spends at least 2 hours in the garden running about both days of the weekend
Book day camps during half term because I just cant cope with the energetic 4 yo and new baby at the same time
Cook nothing more exciting than pasta and sauce / potatoes and vegetables
Worry constantly that I am either too harsh/ too soft/ too absent/ too present/ too helicopter/ too relaxed.

AIBU?

Today I thought we would go for a lovely picnic. What actually happened was that ds slipped in the one second I took my eye off him and he bashed his bridge of nose, resulting in a and e visit. Sigh!!

Haggis - hope he is ok? We have made a lovely cake (carnage), had a lovely time in a play area (carnage) and had a lovely boiler man round to fix boiler (desperate exercise in preventing carnage). Now they are watching the lovely telly.

You sound like you're doing well considering young baby. Can't see what's wrong with them being outside in garden for two hours each day? Sounds sensible to be. I feel this way a lot, even though I know in general we're all doing fine. I found myself yelling my lungs out at DS (20 months) today, then carrying him in that weird horizontal tantrumming way. He'd sat down in the middle of a main road. I never thought I would shout like that. I thought I would be painting murals on his walls and stuff, not shrieking like a harridan

I don't have DC only a neice but take my hat off to all the mums. Who wants a perfect life anyway it would make the wine less enjoyable

thisisnow yes! That needs to be embroidered onto my cushion.

thisisnow set up shop, we all want one of those cushions

haggis - hows ds?

hettie - yes, psychologist too, and I feel a double bind of embarrassment about it- like i should be a better parent/ person because of it, while also feeling like a really shit psychologist because I'm a rubbish parent/ person.... e.g. i called my mum up to ask her opinion on what I should do with ds, and she said and i quote 'i dont bloody know, youre the bloody child psychologist'
wise words from your supervisor. I will try and remember. and also good being reminded of winnicot, good enough indeed.

pirates not napping is horrific. I remember it well with ds. if i missed his nap window, that was it, absolutely it. no nap and whinge central. then we got a nanny and on her days, he napped 3 hours. then he napped a lot better with me. then i realized, a long time later - oooh right, she left him to cry and he learnt how to settle himself back to sleep - kind of horrified but grateful she did it all at once

granny - thanks, yes i will look forward to that!

salted - he sat down in a main road! of course you yelled! murals for another time eh

salted - when i say 2 hours outside, I mean whatever the weather which can feel a little harsh when i'm inside with a magazine, swotting ds away from the window while it drizzles and the wind howls... but the alternative is having him jump up and down on the floorboards of the dining room because it makes a good noise

I had this yesterday. Dd screamed and tantrummed all day so I wrestled her into her pram and marched to the corner shop, bought chocolate and let her stuff her face in front of the telly so I didnt have to listen to any more shouting
I cried when she went to bed and promised (myself) I would be a better mum in the morning.
It has worked actually, she has been a treasure all day!

Some of my finest moments/habits :
Shouted at (then) 5 year old to 'grow up'
Use tv as child care
Bribe kids with chocolate/sweets/crisps/McDonald's
Used the 3 second rule with dropped dummy/sweets
Gave a 3 year old iPad first thing in morning to get more sleep

Feel any better?

Ah yes. I have quite long arguments with my 4 yo about who's in charge, sometimes she's so defiant she disagrees with everything I say. dont give up your job - knowing that some days nothing is going to work gives you a breadth of relatable experience you need to be able to help people.

My 22 month old was crying major, wracking sobs earlier as apparently he wanted to wear his 'cooking trousers' (wtaf- just the trousers he happened to be wearing today when playing in his kitchen) in to the bath. As his little naked shoulders trembled and big fat real sad tears rolled down his chubby cheeks I stood there and laughed at him because it was just so frickin ridiculous. And then after cuddling and calming him down I unceremoniously plopped him in the bath and shouted at him when he dared to start about the trousers again.

Not my finest hour.

I've just read a few sections of the AHA parenting website and aside from making me feel even worse about losing my temper there are some useful suggestions on there.

Don't forget, you parent much as you have been parented ...

I have been known to tell mine to act their age - when they were tiny. It's hard this parenting stuff .

mrsnucky I hear you. We have running shoes, a running suit and various trousers that are deemed to be worthy of the accolade. None of which have anything to do with running. We also bizarrely have skeleton shoes. Why? No fathomable reason.

Well I had a rubbish start to the day yesterday morning. I shouted at dd3 and called her a brat She really pushes my buttons somtimes, she refused to cut up her waffles and insisted I did it. I said no. She's nearly 8, I don't think that's unreasonable.

I felt horribly guilty and gave her a cuddle afterwards and apologised.

Not read thread but sound perfectly normal to me. Reality is very different. as People before childbirth find out too.

Your doing a grand job and I think I stuggled with my DD age four more than any other age. its a tough stage but look, when they get to 5, will be a joy!

My children watch lots of telly and eat sweets every day too. I wasn't going to do either of those things! Two much mumsnetting while pregnant :)

Ah well, mine have clean clothes and warm beds and healthy food and lots of kisses. They'll turn out ok even if I don't do all the things I thought I would.