to be getting more and more annoyed by the attitude that kids can be planned

[stitch10yearson]

Because if you dtd, then there is always a risk of pregnancy. condoms are only 98% effective, the pill and the coil 97%. This means basically that if you do the deed, then the only way of ensuring that you don't have a baby is terminating it.

And breathe.

IMO, NOT having kids is a lifestyle choice, not the other way around. If a man doesn't want kids, then he needs to always always wear a condom, even if she ison the pill and has a coil in, or have the snip. and probably still wear a condom. Or only have sex with someone who is post menopausal.

No, using contraception doesn't always result in babies. Having sex without contraception doesn't always result in babies. Having the urge to have sex doesn't result in babies.

Planning to have a baby does result in babies, therefore having them is a choice, just like having sex is a choice.

When contraception doesn't work, women have a choice. They can choose their future lifestyle so that child is a life style choice for them, even when it isn't for the man.

"It will result in babies" suggests certainty.

Yes, contraception can fail, so can result in babies. That doesn't mean to say that it will.

If a small statistical chance of something happening really equated with certainty, I'd buy a lottery ticket.

Contraception isn't failsafe. It will result in babies.

No, contraception failure can result in babies. But luckily we then still have options: the morning after pill, and abortion. The latter is pretty fail-safe and means no baby.
It is still always a choice. Having a child is always a choice.

Then use two forms of contraception. Don't have sex. Pay to get sterilised, both of you, if you don't want any children. Duh.

I've been with DH for nearly 30 years and managed to just get pg the 3 times we wanted dcs - like lots of other people on this thread, we seem to have managed the contraception/sex thing just fine. Kids are a lifestyle choice -otherwise we'd have had the 6 or 8 is had loved to have if we'd had the money/space for them. This thread has me scratching my head, I admit.

yep - been having sex for 36 years here - pregnant twice - by choice/planning.

You do know that there are only a few days of the month when you CAN get pregnant? Even if you don't use contraception.

I think if you are determined not to get pregnant you would be very, very unlucky to get pregnant.

I really didn't want an accidental pregnancy when I was a teen so I used the pill and my partners used a condom. I used the pill properly. I took it when I was meant to and if I was sick I would refrain from sex or use an alternative method.

I never took any risks at all until I was in a secure and happy long term relationship where it would have been ok to have an accidental pregnancy. We dropped to using just one type of contraception.

They can be planned. We have many options to prevent having a child.

Of course having children is a choice. I didn't want a child, and managed to have a sexual relationship with dh for around 10 years. Then we decided to have a baby, so we stopped using contraception and timed the dtd for the right part of the month. We then had a baby, and used contraception again so that we didn't have another straight afterwards. We decided to have another, so stopped contraception. I don't see what your point is op, maybe you're super fertile and get pregnant every time you have sex, but other people don't.

If you want a child in your life, you can make it happen

OP, I'm just starting my 3rd round of IVF, any tips on how I can "make" it happen???

In terms of contraception, my mother in law and sisters in law (2 of which my husband knows planned their pregnancies without telling their partners, but confessed to him, but they don't know I know that) always wail that contraception isn't 100%. FIL always grumbles that "contraception doesn't seem to work in our family".

I tend to disagree, in that I think if you use 2 forms of contraception with 98% success ratings, you are pretty bloody unlikely to get pregnant.

This is what I did when I absolutely didn't want to get pregnant - I took the pill religiously and used condoms. The chance of both failing at exactly the same time is probably even less than the 2% leeway due to the chance of both failing at exactly the same time.

There can't be that many people who fall pregnant despite using 2 forms at the same time, correctly. Really, there can't.

What point are you actually trying to make?

I'm really confused by your point - I don't understand it at all...

But anyway. Pregnancy is a side effect of penis in vagina sex. If you don't want to become pregnant, abstain from PIV sex. You can - amazingly - still get your rocks off in that all-important biological urge stylee, without risking pregnancy.

That line on Frasier always makes me laugh when Ros says about contraception being 97 - 98% reliable. She says "I can't beat those odds"!

I think that there is a lot of judgements made about people who's contraception fails because it's fairly uncommon, however, there are lots of fairly uncommon things that happen all the time. I've never been hit by a bus for example but it would be unreasonable for me to extrapolate from my lack of experience that no one has ever been knocked down by a bus or that only the wantonly stupid are involved in traffic accidents.

Your stats are all wrong OP.

Take the combined pill - 0.3% women would get pregnant using a standard dose pill for a year with perfect use but it's 8% with typical use

The failure rate of a Mirena is 0.1%. So a neurologist treating an epileptic woman would happily give her a drug that could harms a developing foetus if she were using a Mirena for example.

(Stats from Trussell, which are the stats that WHO uses for its failure rates)

If you make a lifestyle choice (or a health choice or any other choice) not to have children then you use contraception and the huge majority of women will not be disappointed.

Op, you seem very invested in your opinions, which on reading are coming across incorrect and evangelical.

What's really up?

Every time I had sex with protection, I had a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant (depending on type of contraception and time of month).

Decades later (I'm not going to say how many and reveal my age), I only got pregnant when I planned it.

That includes at least 10 years at my peak fertility and I still fell in the 97% for whom protection worked.

Pretty damn good odds.

I don't really understand your post op
It is almost like there is something behind it?

Nilbyname I agree - why so fraught?

OP, I suggest you have a read of the TTC threads to get a different view of how inevitable pregnancy is, across the board. Just don't tell anyone they don't have 'reasonable fertility' or aren't 'doing the deed often enough'.

Think yabu.
Use two forms of contraception. Take the pill correctly and use a condom.
Refrain from sex or piv sex!
It is a lifestyle choice.

Of course children can be planned. Contraception used correctly has a tiny margin for pregnancy, using two methods together even less.

Most unplanned pregnancies are through human error. We planned DS at the time when we were ready and have managed to not get pregnant since by using contraception correctly.

Nobody has to have sex, plenty don't. Nobody has to have children, those that do make the lifestyle choice to do so.

So if you are worried use two forms- Condom and implant works well

I planned both my children and had no other pregnancies apart from the 2 planned ones. I have never had to take morning after contraception or have an abortion. Have been sexually active for 25+ years. I don't think I ever used double contraception and used either condom or pill or mirena coil.