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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not know where to start and I am rubbish

160 replies

candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 13:33

I am fucking hopeless.

I have realised that aged 33 and supposedly have a degree, yet am still completely, utterly thick.

I honestly sometimes think there is something wrong with me.

Anyway, I'm trying to get DH to move out. He says this is stupid and I would never cope he may be right.

I don't know:

about money
about bills
about anything.

Boilers gone. I don't even know who our fucking electricity company are.

I don't know what I'm going.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 14:24

Hope you're OK.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 16/02/2015 14:55

I'm ok. Got absolutely no money though Sad just a bit panicky about that right now.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 15:37

What's happening to the funds in the joint account? Have you spoken to the solicitor?

Cloudhowe63 · 16/02/2015 16:56

Your little ones are lucky to have such a brave, strong mum. As they get older they'll learn from you and hopefully have the confidence to accept only positive, fulfilling relationships.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 16/02/2015 17:51

Thanks cloud; I don't feel very strong though, or brave Sad

ils he's emptied the joint account. He wants me to beg for money is what it is.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 18:13

That's unfortunately exactly what I thought he'd do. Have you spoken to the solicitor? It's certainly more evidence of his unreasonable behaviour and the fact he's prepared to let his children suffer.
Also he's stupid because that will be taken into account in the financial settlement - not that it's much comfort right now of course.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 16/02/2015 18:18

I know, it'll come right in the end but just now I really am up shit creek as I've no money or car Shock

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 18:18

Is there only one car? Presumably he took it?

Original poster
candyflosssky · 16/02/2015 18:23

Yeah, it's his. Of course Confused

I might see if my friend can come over tonight.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/02/2015 18:24

That sounds like a good idea.

gallicgirl · 16/02/2015 22:43

God. Why are some people so nasty?

Phone DWP in the morning to see what you can claim. Call child benefit to make sure that's in your name. Claim tax credits.
Not sure how you would get a referral to the foodbank if needed; health visitor or local council maybe? You will probably be able to claim council tax reduction too.

Good luck and make sure you document everything.

Pipbin · 16/02/2015 23:05

I don't really have much practical advice to offer other than there isn't nearly as much to dealing with grown up shit than you think.

You are doing really well. Contact someone like women's aid and see what you can do for money.

sooperdooper · 16/02/2015 23:08

He's digging himself a bigger hole in the log run, make sure the fact he's emptied the joint account leaving you with no money for the kids is documented with the solicitor - what a wanker!

Hope your friend came over to see you, you're doing brilliantly

Thumbwitch · 16/02/2015 23:11

Call Women's Aid.

Of course he took all the money; he'll say it was so that YOU couldn't do the same thing but that's bollocks, it's because he's maintaining control.

See if there's a food bank in your area, ask your friends for lifts, you need to tell people around you what is going on in your life. I'm sure you're quite a private person who doesn't really want people to know all about your private life but believe me this sort of thing needs to be out in the open more - and you'll get a lot more help if you tell people what is going on.

Go to CAB as well if you can; or call them. But Women's Aid should be your first call as they will have dealt with this time after time after time.

Stay strong - you're doing great so far and you will continue to do so.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 16/02/2015 23:14

Crisis payment are now handled by local councils. It's an immediate payment, which can help people in your situation.

Call your local councils switchboard/ general number and ask to be put through to the department dealing with crisis payments.

I agree with pp, about contacting the job centre and also applying for tax credits. Try to do this asap. You can initiate the process by calling these numbers...

Here is the job centre number, for new claims: 0800 055 6688

Here is the child tax credit number: 0345 300 3900

He's left you in a horrific position but you can get through this. There is support out there.

Catanddogmake6 · 16/02/2015 23:42

If you had a joint account, he may have been paying the bills on direct debit through it. Ask the bank for copies of the last 6 months/ year as you are entitled and hopefully you can piece together who your bills are with. Obviously once you've sorted the immediate money crisis and followed the good advice above. Also where are your rental payments and child benefit going? Make sure they go nowhere near the joint account or he will take those too. I am sure you will come through this.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 17/02/2015 00:02

Thanks for replying.

I don't think I'd be entitled to benefits, other than CB. Or food banks. In any case we've got food. It's just stuff that will help massively like a car and new phone and so on and all that costs money and while we're not going to starve there's just no actual cash, at the moment.

I know what DH wants, he wants me to ring him crying and begging and I hate him.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 17/02/2015 10:01

Did he take your phone as well?

petalsandstars · 17/02/2015 12:31

Change the D there is no dear here. Try STBXH. Please see a solicitor asap

gallicgirl · 17/02/2015 12:51

Please don't make the assumption that you won't qualify for any benefits, particularly while you're on maternity leave.

If you don't ask, you don't get!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/02/2015 13:11

You are doing better than you think. Now you know for certain you were right about him and throwing him out was the correct step. He would happily leave you and the DC without money to control you even though he knows you are cold and will need to buy food at some point. You have the clearest evidence you could hope for that what he cares about is winning and controlling not about you and the DC. Take things one step at a time and make a note of what he has done and give it to your solicitor. You must get some advice from a solicitor before you look at the financial side of the split because inheritances don't always form part of the marital assets, it depends on the particular circumstances.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 17/02/2015 13:14

Thank you :) think we've finally got somewhere. ILS he smashed it before he went Confused final little act of cruelty.

Luckily all the photos on it were saved automatically but what's slightly more of a pain is I don't have any numbers and obviously now is the time I could really do with them. It isn't insurmountable though. Just annoying.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 17/02/2015 13:17

Can you retrieve the SIM card from the smashed phone? some of the numbers may be stored on there rather than on the phone itself.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 17/02/2015 13:19

Aha! They are stored on my iPad as well - which is not smashed. Bingo. Not all but most.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 17/02/2015 13:21

If it was a iPhone then it should be stored on an iCloud account. Log into it now and change the password. If he can get onto that then he could use it to track your movements and read letters that you create using pages on the iPad.