Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know where to start and I am rubbish

160 replies

candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 13:33

I am fucking hopeless.

I have realised that aged 33 and supposedly have a degree, yet am still completely, utterly thick.

I honestly sometimes think there is something wrong with me.

Anyway, I'm trying to get DH to move out. He says this is stupid and I would never cope he may be right.

I don't know:

about money
about bills
about anything.

Boilers gone. I don't even know who our fucking electricity company are.

I don't know what I'm going.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 15/02/2015 14:54

candy - some of what you're describing is "normal" I think - part of the new Fear of being a mum! I used to have constant visions of tripping over the step out of my bedroom, which was at the top of the stairs, and flinging DS1 down the entire flight of stairs, sometimes with me following and falling on him. I used to have visions of dropping knives on him while he was in his bouncer, or yes, pushing the pushchair and some maniac mounting the pavement and running us over.
I get that yours were more about your actions doing the harming, but the point is that you never did harm your DC, so you had the necessary control that differentiates between sanity and insanity, ergo you were not insane.

You sound like a wonderful mum, and once you get rid of the H's shadow, you're going to realise that, and realise that you are a fully capable human being as well :)

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 15:02

Thank you. I'll have to be. He isn't coming back. He can't.

OP posts:
ScaryChicken · 15/02/2015 15:04

It will take time and you will make mistakes but you will be fine. You are just as capable as anyone else.

I am 32 and would have no idea what to do if a boiler broke.. I've always loved in rented so the landlord sorted that stuff out but everyone has to learn at some point.

X

antimatter · 15/02/2015 15:08

I saw it here:
www.campingworld.co.uk/en/gb/Outwell-Montana-6P-Tent-2015-Premium-Collection/m-15180.aspx

even 1 hour is far too long!

antimatter · 15/02/2015 15:09

sorry! wrong thread!!!!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 15/02/2015 15:15

candy you most certainly are NOT thick. You have been thrown into unfamiliar territory, and it takes time to adjust.

Some tips:

*Google is your friend! The amount of things I have learnt from how too videos (bleeding radiators etc) is insane!

*Find a tool kit. Make sure it has a hammer, screw driver, alan keys and a drill. This will come in handy I promise! My tool kit is my friend Grin

*I am lucky enough to have a lot of friends in various trades, people like this are incredibly valuable, even if you just ask them to talk you through how to do stuff. An electrician friend of mine talked me through changing a light switch and I managed it fine.

I have lived alone now for almost 3 years. In that time I have learnt how too:

-Bleed radiators
-Change light switches
-Build furniture
-fix my car
-fix a shower
-Run possibly the worlds most archaic heating system Grin

And many other things.

You will be fine, and trust me, we are a lot more capable than we give ourselves credit for. One day soon you will look back on this moment and realise just how much you have learnt, and how much you can actually achieve yourself.

Wishing you the best of luck, it can be daunting at times, but you will manage Smile

bettyboop1970 · 15/02/2015 15:52

Well done OP for ridding yourself and DC'S of nasty abusive twat.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 16:02

Thank you. I pray to God he will move away.

OP posts:
cakewitch · 15/02/2015 16:21

You say you aren't strong?? Well, I think you are doing an amazing job. You'll get loads of support on here, keep posting, we are all here cheering you on.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 16:28

Thank you, I just feel so awful I didn't do it years and years ago.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 15/02/2015 16:36

I have a random switch under my stairs which switches off the boiler (presumably the pump etc.)

simonettavespucci · 15/02/2015 16:58

Hey - you chucked him out!! That's just great and can't have been easy!! I agree you're doing an amazing job.

You're not stupid at all - I'm similarly having to deal with a boiler on my own for the first time - similar age to you - as I was renting previously, and I will admit that I'm still switching it on and off manually after several months as I can't figure out how to set the timer (and, unlike you, I have the instructions). Actually this is making me think that maybe I'm stupid Grin.

Anyway my advice is a) google and b) ask ask ask i.e. ring one electricity company and if you're not registered with them ask them how you can set about tracing who you are registered with.

simonettavespucci · 15/02/2015 16:59

And I'm sorry about your cat Flowers Flowers

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 18:48

Thanks.

It feels horrible now night is here. I feel so cold. Not because of the boiler; I mean I feel just alone and helpless.

OP posts:
Dawnywoo · 15/02/2015 19:24

Ah bless you. Sometimes mumsnet gets slated for people being nasty especially on AIBU but in actual fact, there are a lot of good people out there who are happy to be there for you and offer very good advice. Good luck x

Cloudhowe63 · 15/02/2015 19:36

No-one is born knowing this stuff - not even your ex. Everyone muddles along and learns on the job. You are doing brilliantly......well you posted here for support for a start. Unmumsnetty, I know but((((hugs))).

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 19:51

Thanks :)

I just feel very empty and very alone.

OP posts:
Cloudhowe63 · 15/02/2015 20:27

Is there anyone in RL you can turn to for support? (I have read the thread so sorry if I missed) Or get a notebook and start making plans / writing down questions. It will get better.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 20:31

Thanks. No, I don't really have anybody.

OP posts:
simonettavespucci · 15/02/2015 20:37

Night is the worst. How's your wifi? Can you download something trashy and escapist to watch? Back episodes of Friends (I am ashamed to admit) have got me through bad times before now.

Also - don't underestimate how much being physically cold (and hungry - are you hungry?) may be worsening your mood - you need to take care of yourself - can you take a hot bath and eat something?

Purplepoodle · 15/02/2015 20:39

Get yourself some support. Women's aid, your Hv.

Try moneysaving expert to help you plan a budget and where to start.

If he's took all the bills then the ring around different companies and find your accounts so you can cancel them and set them up in your name.

I think women's aid would be a great help to you as they can help take you in the right direction

Purplepoodle · 15/02/2015 20:39

And call a gas fitter tomorrow

Cloudhowe63 · 15/02/2015 20:42

I don't usually share on t'internet...but, My kids are now in 20s. Kicked my ExH out when baby was 2months old. Pretty much 22 years ago this week. I had to remortgage and jump through plenty of financial hoops. It was hard but there was a huge satisfaction in learning and succeeding. Like you, I wasn't dreadfully maternal, but I have a strong relationship with my kids and life is(mostly)good. Will be thinking of you.

APocketfulOfSpondulix · 15/02/2015 20:47

You're doing amazingly. Even after a 'normal' break up it is hard to get yourself together. After years of abuse it will be much harder. Just take it one thing at a time. You sound like a great mum, too.

Original poster
candyflosssky · 15/02/2015 20:53

Thanks. I hate moneysaving though lol.

I just desperately want to talk to somebody and sound off and no ones here and all those horrible things DH said are churning through me. Sorry to keep whining!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread