To ask- If your child isn't bullied or harassed at school-

[Tangerineandturquoise]

What do you think it is that shields them from such behaviour?
Be it bullying or harassment some children seem to escape and others to be caught up in it. Are there reasons or is it luck?

Funny that nobody admits that their kids are the bullies, lol.

toffee sorry to hijack again.
There is a really helpful thread at the moment, plus l live really rurally.
But, if l get it wrong again, (measurement) l will do to the store ;) :)

There will always be children who are targets because of physical differences, shyness, quirkiness etc,

Actually, there will always be bullies who target children because of their shyness, differences, etc.

I have known children who had everything to be bullied, and I have been in a position where I could have been (had an obvious back brace that went up to my chin), but no bullying occurred. Sense of humour, toughness, who knows, but certainly also luck and that mostly nice children and teenagers were around.

I don't understand why people think their child hasn't been bullied because they are witty, oblivious, tough, big or whatever. My daughter suffered horrendous bullying at primary school. When she started secondary school we asked that she was in a class with no girls from her primary (their policy was to make sure the children were mixed up but all had at least one or two og their own gender from their primary with them). She settled in well, stayed at the school for seven years and suffered no bullying at all even from girls who had been involved in the bullying at primary school. Had my daughter changed? NO, the bullying had changed her and she wasn't the confident child she had been at 7 but she was just like the eleven year old who left primary school six weeks before. So what was the difference? A school which did not tolerate bullying and where that was made absolutely clear to parents and children.

It is no fault of the bullied child and no credit to the non bullied child. Adults let it happen and sometimes they facilitate it.

If we were talking about abuse of adult women no one would say it is her fault her was raped or suffered DV, she was dressed wrong, she didn't have his dinner ready on time, she was attractive, clever or whatever. Why do we make excuses for bullies?

Sorry for the typos, my cold is affecting my brain and my fingers.

Totally agree Grannytomine

grannytomine I completely agree.

Thanks ToffeeCaramel and APlaceInTheWinter. This is a sore subject with me. I never suffered any bullying at school, three of my children didn't, my husband didn't. I found it really hard with my DD. Suddenly in my 60s I have found myself in a position where a new person at work has taken something against me. Maybe my age? I work in a young team. She has a poisonous personality, her misery at times is so overwhelming so no one wants to upset her. When she is in the office I am completely excluded, when she goes out people behave normally. I can't believe how hard it is, I mean I knew it was awful for my daughter but I assumed as a mature adult I could cope. My boss acknowledges her behaviour is unacceptable but seems incapable of doing anything about it. I am the same person I have been all my working life, it is her not me. I know that is true but it really does get you down. Roll on retirement, only 3 years to go.

I pity any child suffering from bullying be it physical or emotional.

Excellent post grannytomine

Totally agree grannytomine

Genuinely shocked by the amount of victim blaming here

Me too Jackshit. Of course the op could have asked what makes your child a bully...I suspect there would have been nothing but tumbleweed on that thread...

Why I lumped bullying and harassment together is because if the behaviours had been the actions of children without diagnosis then I would say they would be bullying, but the school calls it harassment because they say it isn't malicious but that he has borne the brunt of some of their issues.
They also take the view the age group is too young to be called bullies.

I am not victim blaming at all- I do not blame my son, I think the school carries some of the burden, but him no. I just want to make things better for him, and I was wondering if I was missing something to help him.

Next year they all move up to a new school and I wanted to see if it was something that might make him more vulnerable to bullying next year.
On the other hand from last year he does rejoin friends in the next year up.

He isn't the sort of boy to put people down with a sharp comment and he is only 6 the best he can come up with is "What you is say is what you are"
He isn't as tightly tied into the community as we moved, and most of the families here have known each other for what seems like forever. It almost seems like the year group children have done everything together since they were babies. And some posts have indicated that could be a factor as they will have formed bonds before we even arrived which might be acting as a shield.

But it could happen to anyone I think is true

tangerine

Hope it gets better for him

I think it is a bit naive to say it's all down to luck. Sometimes it is. Other times it is more obvious why particular children are picked on. That's not victim blaming as such. It isn't the child's fault at all. But some children are more likely to be bullied than others. By saying that, we're not victim blaming, we're just discussing why that might be.

For example, it's no bad thing to be a sensitive child, in fact it could be a positive character attribute in lots of ways, but it could be a reason for continued bulling, if the child bursts into tears when confronted. Thats not victim blaming. It's not their fault and they shouldn't have to change themselves but it could be why they are bullied.

notnaice if you applied your argument to a sexual assault then I think there would be a stampede to label it victim blaming. For example

it's no bad thing to be a sensitive child . . .but it could be a reason for bullying

it's no bad thing to wear a mini skirt . . . but it could be a reason for attracting unwanted sexual attention

See how they both seem like victim blaming? tbf you are not the only poster on this thread who seems to share this pov so sorry to target you.

Why can't we blame bullies for bullying?

The reason why some DCs are bullied is because some other DCs are bullies. Perhaps if we all had a zero tolerance attitude and kept the blame firmly with the bullies (rather than the DC being bullied) then there would be less bullying both at school and in the workplace.