To be scared of death?

[dragdownthemoon]

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

I'm pretty settled in my beliefs thanks martha especially regarding what happens to us after we die. Though regarding God or G*d I do think it depends a bit on what you mean by the word. "God is love" opens up a whole new world of possibilities .....

I do know where you're coming from a bit on the angry atheist thing and thought Stephen Fry recently seemed a bit angry at this God he didn't believe in (in famous recent interview)
However on the other hand there is quite a lot to be angry at in this world, and for some non-believers this can include religion and the incongruity (to them) of the beliefs held by others

Celebrating Christmas is no more silly for non-believers than for believers Mermaidhair It has all become so commercial these days, as well as including many pagan traditions that pre-date christianity.
Because I like a good story and some meaning in my festivals I do like to take the DC to a charming nativity play in a local old church, and join in with some carol singing too. We also like to give some old toys and new items to others in the Christmas shoe-box appeal too, and other similar traditions

Mermaidhair - we don't have any kind of religious celebration at but we do enjoy the mid-winter festival which Christians hi-jacked .

Any anger I do feel is towards myself and how I believed it for so long. How I thought the creator of the universe would meddle in my life while knowing that all the time somewhere something unspeakably horrific was happening to innocent children and I still expected him to help me. I am so ashamed of myself.......... Horrific horrible things have always happened and it is horrible to think about and yes like you I often feel ashamed of my seemingly trivial prayers when I compare my life to people who have truly awful lives. But Imo this life on earth is what might be compared to hell, much anguish, suffering, mourning for loved ones......some do suffer much worse than others and it is unfair., I also know many people lose their faith because of it, because God is often blamed even though it is not of his doing.But this life has to be got through somehow, there is a lot of beauty and goodness in this world as well, and I believe more good people than bad people.
The OP posted that she was frightened of death, I just wanted to say to her, don't be, death is not the end, it is only the beginning. That is my belief anyway, I just hope it might be of comfort to her.

we die. thats it. no more. zilch.
there is no heaven or hell, just propaganda to get you to live in fear.
enjoy your time on earth, once its over thats it

martha - I truly do not believe in God, but I have strong feelings about religion because so much is done in the name of religion that I vehemently disagree with - inequality is rife, intolerance is rife, so much is said about poverty etc whilst the church in Britain makes no secret about owning so much land, gold and artwork that they could make a real difference - so why hold onto "stuff" - make a difference even if it were only to those who believe.

There are also too many "flavours" of religion nowadays - it dilutes the message that the believers want to put across when they cannot even agree the fundamentals amongst themselves.

deny so vehemently his existence

It's not just your god I don't think exists but all the other gods humans have ever believed in. And again what is fascinating here is the issue of belief itself, the believer and how they are able to believe, not the actual thing they believe in. I am also fascinated by people who believe in werewolves, maybe I secretly know that werewolves exist and am railing against what I know deep in my heart to be true. Or when I debate with Muslims am I actually trying to quell my own Allah shaped hole in my heart? In general people's ability to believe with no evidence is deeply interesting. As mentioned earlier I'm probably trying to figure out my own journey.

I don't get angry at a 'God' - I get angry at Religion. I don't know if I believe in a God. I do know I do not believe in the God promoted by religions or their interpretation of him or 'his' word.
Men wrote the Bible. Men are fallible. Men ( people) have egos.

People can find their own higher power, call it God or what you will. I don't think you can pass on your personal interpretation of God to others as true.
It will be different for all of us. For some - it will be nothing at all.
I am happy to listen to anyone's thoughts on what they believe but a bit uncomfortable listening to thoughts based on what some religion and its 'rules' has taught them.

Like your straight talking kilmuir
And I wouldn't be surprised that believers cannot "agree the fundamentals amongst themselves" Somewhere but I do see that you might find that further off-putting

god is often blamed

You said you pray so you obviously believe god intervenes in the lives of humans. And by that token you have to admit sometimes he doesn't. In terms of suffering god appears to intervene more in the lives of white westerners with access to health care and education but not so much if you have dark skin, a different god and no access to health care, then gods a lot more hands off for some reason.

Why do you pray? Would god not help you with xyz if you didn't pray? Do your children need to ask you to keep them fed and warm? Is it possible to change god's mind? How come god was moved to help you get that job but not to heal that child's cancer? Would it ever be moral for a dr to not heal an illness he could? What possible good reason would there be to allow a child to suffer?

I do celebrate Christmas, I'm not thinking about Jesus much though admittedly, although I usually manage to go along to one carol concert. I just see Christmas as a time to string some pretty lights all over the house and eat too many biscuits. Think of it like a summer holiday, it's something you enjoy without there being a religious meaning to it or getting married etc.

Headinhands Yes I pray, and no, prayers aren't always answered, I wouldn't expect them to be, life isn't that simple, but I believe that He listens and sometimes prayers are answered in a way so far removed from what you expected. I don't pray for miracles but I pray for Gods strength to get me through difficult times. You say that God is selective of those he intervenes with and ignores the plight of people with dark skin. What about the millions across Europe who died in the Black Death, two world wars, the potato famine in Ireland?.......They didn't have dark skin. Was God to blame for all that?
People are still dying in wars and famines. I prefer to blame it on power hungry greedy governments. It's their doing not Gods.

It often surprises me that people think that terrible things should not happen to anyone, whether they blame God or not. Most terrible things happen because WE cause them either directly or indirectly.
We can't change other people, only ourselves, so everyone needs to look within themselves before they rage against anything or anyone. Doubt that will ever happen though.
It is easier to blame everyone or anything else.

If there were a God, why should he value us enough to stop bad things happening when we do not value each other?

Because he's meant to be a bit better than us Davsmum - a loving parental figure at the very least. But as I said earlier people generally have very low expectations and are often very willing to forgive God for a lot.
I don't think he's there as such but let's just say if he were I hope he'd be at least as generous with us. Or something

it's their doing not god's

I get that god is not directly attacking that child, but if I told you I watched someone attacking a child and did nothing, didn't even call the police, because I didn't want to affect the attackers free will, would you think that was reasonable? It's a smile yes or no? Is it reasonable for a bystander to not intervene if they see someone attacking a child? If not why?

when we do not value each other

So the child gets attacked because they don't value other people? And as for Christians that get attacked? I'm sorry but if I saw someone being attacked and did nothing to help because I didn't think that person was worthy of my help, eugh, that would make me one screwed up bunny. What about those poor kids in Catholic Churches? They're in a church, gods very house, and they're still not safe.

It's not that I don't think terrible should happen, that position doesn't make any sense, I wish they didn't happen, I feel for people who are suffering, and do what I can to help. And. I honestly remember having the same thoughts when bad things happened when I was a Christian, that swift exercise in apologetic gymnastics that happens as soon as you hear about something awful, I know know that that mechanism is called 'just world hypothesis' and we all do it regardless of faith or no faith. 'How can I fit this in with me current cognitive model of how the world works?' Because it's painful to change it, and to accept random tragedies and pointless suffering. The clearest memory of this mental acrobatics was the Boxing Day tsunami, 'somehow it was humans fault, somehow it was down to sin, that's why god wouldn't stop it' obviously there are many many instances of totally innocent children suffering day in and day out, somehow I 'logiced' that aside, I don't know how. I'm thinking it was partly to do with seeing others being able to have it as well, I dunno, not sure.

so everyone needs to look within themselves

And have a police force and a justice system that seeks to prevent crime and punish and rehabilitate those who hurt others, you know, the sort of stuff that a god should do.

Because he's meant to be a bit better than us Davsmum - a loving parental figure at the very least......... Who said that he was meant to be like a loving parent? A loving parent tucks us up in bed at night and wipes our tears away. God won't do those things and it's so easy to dismiss the existence of God just because he doesn't put things right for us and bad things happen to us. He loved us so much he let his only Son die on the cross for us......Do we think we should be living some kind of Utopia existence,where the sun shines bright every day and everything in our lives is perfection and nothing bad ever happens, because God like some kind of super Father puts everything right for us.

headinhands I don't believe in a God so I don't claim to know what 'God' should or should not do. I don't know what 'his' greater plan would be or why anyone suffering should be part of that plan. Should a God police us or punish us?

When I said we should look into ourselves, I meant we cannot wonder why people have to suffer when there may a part of us that causes suffering to anyone, however small. We cannot complain about wars when we have 'wars' and conflicts with people. I like the quote from Ghandi, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world'

If we don't believe in God, we can't know what he should or should not do. It doesn't look like believers have any idea either.

I was referring to what Davysmum said Headinhands, when she said "because he's meant to be better than us".
But really, it's always hard to debate the existence of God and rather unequal. The non believers use the "If there was a God why would he allow suffering" argument and it is a powerful argument but we never seem to hear of any other constructive reasons why there isn't. We can't prove there is a God, but we also can't prove there isn't....we also can't say why there is so much suffering in the world, other than God doesn't make it happen. For all the suffering in the world there is also so much beauty and goodness in the world. There are so many things we should thank God for rather than blame him for everything that is bad.

Does anyone else not believe in god but be nervous to admit it in case a big boulder comes hurtling down from the sky or is that just me

rather than blame him for everything that is bad

Not sure if you are a Christian but if you are the Bible doesn't portray a loving god. If you believe in a different god he is still watching things happen that I couldn't just stand by and observe. I know there are many lovely things in the world :) How do any of the lovely things relate to or require a god? (I don't think the bad things relate to or require a god too)

(from what I can work out if there is a 'god' it is totally hands off and uninterested/unmoved by humans)

because God like some kind of super Father puts everything right for us

Like what the Garden of Eden was supposed to be like, or what Christians imagine heaven to be like.

I don't expect to have an easy life anymore than you do, I hate the idea of people suffering as much as you do and we both agree that people suffering is never good, right? What I object to is saying 'there's this god that is loving but doesn't stop child abuse, but sometimes helps Christians get a job or helps their Nana recover after her hip replacement. That is as absurd as it is offensive. And as I keep labouring the point, the Bible is so full of it's god being horrible that you can't surely be referring to him when you talk about him being really caring.

The original question about whether or not we are afraid of death made me think of an argument someone once gave me for being a Christian.It is basically a win win situation. The Christian life is a great model to follow.It has clear moral boundaries. It encourages us to be loving and caring for others. It encourages us to be unconcerned with wealth and posessions and status. It exhorts us to see all people as equal and valued and loved and it promises us eternal life. So, we lead the best life we can, and at the end we die a peaceful death, looking forward to being with our loved ones and our Saviour in heaven. If, as we die, that is the end, we will never know any different, but will not have wasted any time worrying about it or being anxious. I genuinely believe that I will live eternally with Christ and I can honestly say I have never had an ounce of fear about death, other than not wanting to leave my children motherless.
In reply directly to the OP, I would agree that you seem to be generally anxious and may need to seek help with that. I hope and pray you can find peace.